but, who needs fathers anyway?
we "fatherless daughters"
we are strong.
we don't need any man.
we fight.
on our own.
everyday.
the never ending battle.
but, in the end
who needs them?

(l.j.t.)

Your toothbrush next to mine, your shoes on the rack, your favourite mug & your pyjamas that I now can’t go to sleep without. Everything makes me feel like you’re here with me.

You know how the sunlight gives the pond beautiful algae, but the same algae leaves fishes breathless? Likewise, I feel so suffocated by your presence.

Every single thing only serves to remind me of your absence. I realise then, that I’m alone in this place. I am without a father. I’m crippled and incomplete and I’m alone and I’m without you.

Can you blame me? Yea I was in and out the bed, goin to and from men, looking for affection.

You can love another child that's not yours, give them hugs, buy them gifts, all the while treating my like ****, like I'm some kid off the streets. Or some so so child you gotta babysit?

I'm sorry for the things I've done, but this wouldn't have happened, if you hadn't did what you done.

You gave me all I wanted in the world for a minute, but then I mess up, own up, and you dismiss me like 'forget it'? Not even a third chance, you brushed me off like dirt on your pants.

You expect me to strong, but you don't answer when I call, and you get angry when someone talks to you about me, and then put me at fault, when really your the one that made the push that ultimately led to my fall.

You told me you'd always be there, that you'd love me through it all, but clearly all you care about is that woman you call your wife, she's just temporary,at anytime she could drop out your life.


But me? I'm permanent. You can take that to the bank, but daddy why I gotta ask; for me do you have so much hate?

That is how I feel
To forgive has left me without strength
That child with all the love to give is all grown up
Like a full grown tree I don’t need your watering
My roots go down real deep
In Christ I found solace stability and love
Love craved for from you
Strong trees don’t usually confess but I wasn’t always strong
I didn’t understand
I wish I  never knew you
That I could cook up your goodness and intended love if you’d had the opportunity
But you weren’t dead,dad
You were simply absent
And me
I was simply fatherless

Your could have been a better dad

Or better dead

I know I won't get as angry I want to be,
And I'll regret me,
Because I'm never able to do it;
She always changes something,
Somehow it always gets better for her,
But it just gets worse for me.
I just become more guilty,
Even only by listening.

I feel like I can never really express my feelings,
Yet I still seem to do it too much,
Then I still fall.
So many things are happening,
This always repeats;
It has horrible timing.
If ignorance is a good thing,
Why is it so hard to actually
Keep it?

And I keep picturing loads of the same things.
When I'm not sure what I feel,
Maybe I hide from it.
I peak and when I see
I can no longer believe
So I just wait to weep.
I've no clue what to say,
Without any more delay,
I'll race through the page,
Give it all a way
In factual content:
I'll probably seem fine.
But it's not that way at all.

Where is the twinkle
the one who shots across
             my vision,
my star....

I look and see a starless void.

You were meant to guide me,
but you are vacant like the sky.

It hurts sometimes
It screams inside
Is this pain really mine?
It clenches together in my insides
Making me dream, wishing for a better time.
I'll do just fine
That's always my line.
If something's not there
You're supposed to bring yourself to it,
But what can I seek
when whatever I need
ceases to exist out of my mind?
They say my reckless head helps me,
I tell myself I can use it to encourage myself,
But still it hurts me all the same.
You see, I use it to give what I haven't got
It's of no use because it kills with a slightly stronger dose.

I can try to forget
It can't last long,
Nothing's supposed to be pain free.
However there's other things
I just can't be bothered to feel,
And if I almost do I just stop:
Because they're not the most important;
They don't come back day by day,
Just to join me in the night.
I never had a "daddy" to sing a lullaby.
For years I didn't want one,
Half convinced still I wasn't missing out,
Yet now it's starting to hurt
Then I realise I'll never find my soulmate.
The percentage isn't in my favour,
How could it ever be?
How do you find your one person
out of 7.5 billion?
If I can't have a father,
how could I get an eternal partner?
Lacking strengthens my need,
For that perfect guy in my head to love me.
He's not here though,
And he never will be,
Tough as it is, I'll never be away from him.
Lack creates need,
tries to make up for things:
This is how it feels when you can't fill either gap.

Spaces are filled by made up places.
Spaces are areas without meaning,
Places are of meaning or association, unempty.
The space is one half of a non-existing f a m i l y.
My place is where I can have a future boyfriend made of better things.
My reckless head
Is supposed to give hope and safety,
Shelter me from reality.
My reckless head
Don't they know it breaks me,
To dream of things
That can never be?

Spaces are there.
Places are put there.
Needed
Unwanted
Despair
Desired
Anyone else there?
Is there a difference that you see?
All my minor sorrows seem the same to me.

I won't be anything to you, you
Who planted the seed in confusion
Never knew I would be a product
A spawn of accident I was
Swimming in mystery, living without thought
You became a man of higher proportions
Seven feet tall in a blurry photograph
In my dreams you stood unnecessarily
Before I knew myself, I barely knew you
Giving you a second chance
Might have been the scariest thing to him
There is no fixing what was never there
No hating what I never loved
I'm stuck with confusion as well
Who am I supposed to call Father?