The pain is like an ocean;
The waves crashing inside my chest,
Allowing me to envision myself drowning in it all,
And I feel I could search the whole sea
Without ever finding what I need.

I am aware that nothing's ever perfect,
But in my heart I feel like it could have been possible,
Although my head knows that I'm wrong.
I simply was not meant to have a father.

But do you know how much it hurts?
They say 'it never rains but it pours',
And I feel as though this hurt inside me is like an everlasting thunderstorm.
It subsides eventually for a few moments,
But it's all you remember as if the sunny spells in between were nothing.

This makes me feel like nothing.
Why wasn't I good enough?
Why did I not deserve to have a father? I cry inside in wonder.
Then I list the reasons
And I wait for ways to feel better,
Except I've never stopped waiting.
I try so hard to find a way to fix this,
Because it makes me feel so broken,
It never makes a difference though,
Because there's no solution.