I wish I had a father
Maybe that would have made me a better lover
Don’t they say that children from broken families
These children are the ones with the tragedies

I wish I knew what it feels like
to be daddy’s little girl
To be protected
in a shell just like a beautiful white pearl

I have so many questions
I also have a confession

Out of all the things in the world
One can pick from
I wish he had picked me  
I wish he could tell me stories about my skinned knees

I don’t know how to ride a bicycle
Isn’t that one of the first things you learn in a life cycle?
He didn’t help me get off the training wheels

I cant let people love me
I don’t know much
but I do know
How messed up that sounds to be

Fatherless Child
Brittny Shaffer

Life hurts
Emotions hidden deep down in the dirt
Your not sure which direction to go in
There's to much confusion, you have no time because your life is thin
Trying to walk right but your on the path of sin
No feelings of your own being self centered just within
I always had a vision in mind
When I grow up I want to be just like my father
Hoping that he become the next African American doctor
My dream was that he'd become something powerful and he showed he cared
But my deepest fear was that he'd never be there
But who am I to say
Everything does not go right
Everything is not fair
Because with the power of God only thing you have to do is decree and declare
I wish my father would've realized
He had a purpose that he was not placed on this earth to get chastised
When i look out of the window
There is something that I see
A father not caring about his child he didn't believe
What was it about me that you didn't want to receive
Why was it that your hopes was always in the streets
Did you ever look back to say I have a child who is in need
Or was your focus on woman who didn't put fourth  good deeds
But DAD you loved them over me
Strangers came first they was people that you pleased
Your family was a meaning fairytale
It was make belief
I paint the picture I have an image
You took life as a game and not as a privilege
You was in your own world
You had your own village
Not even concerned
The devil had you he was in control
Had you in the streets doing a daily role
Stealing
Dope dealing
Got you locked up
and you said that it was wrong
But never thought about me you left me at home on my own
No food, no shelter, no comfort all alone
Your game was just a cattle to **** it was so strong
Before time your life was over it was gone
I remember the time I saw you on your death bed about to die
You held your hand out and said ill make it don't drop a tear don't cry
But you never realized the pain I went through because of your lies
The hurt I carried with me because you never tried
I lived 16 years no father a long ride
A father concerned only about him full of pride
Where was the love that needed to be supplied
Where was the hope that I put in to be prescribed
But people
Im here to share a message with all of the fathers
We as people need to rise up and set a standard as a generation
Become more of a father hood for kids all around the nation.
Its never to late stop with the procrastination
ALL aboard join the father hood station
We shouldn't be built of frustration
Fathers should be a role model to daughters and sons to say I strive for determination
Im tired of seeing children suffer due to separation
Fight for what you love, fight for your children
Having them apart of your life should never be a hesitation
They should be # 1! Make that your expectation
Looking for a father who never look back to get me
But on his way out said baby please forgive me
Father why
You only want me in your life because your about to die
Now I should walk out of the room and  just say GOODBYE
When i needed you DADDY COME HOME DADDY WHERE ARE YOU DADDY FATHER never got a reply
We as children shouldn't have to wonder if our fathers could be a rely
Free at last free at last thank GOD almighty were free at last
But where are our fathers
No new outfits, no new shoes
  Fathers are Found as killers now on the news
I just wanted you in my life
Me as your daughter why couldn't you make that sacrifice
FATHERS your daughters need you
FATHERS your sons need you
They need that fatherly advice
If I could get one wish
It would be for my father to hug me and give me that one big kiss
My fathers coming back he didn't forget about me
For all the fathers out there who abandon there children
FIX IT NOW let that be your fulfillment
We are all meant to shine as most of us do
But we as children don't deserve to be hurt and go through
SO change take action make your children happy and experience something NEW
Im out make sure you be about that positive life

Be Blessed

Could it be that I substitute lustful infatuation for love? or mistake an act of kindness for trust?
Using his words to define me, i mean refine me, leaving the real me in the dust
Can you really blame me for being attracted to someone who shows interest in my existence
Someone who is persistent, consistent and whose smile breaks my resistance
It's a real feeling I get of satisfaction through common conversation of nothingness
The willingness to waste time with me means something to me if not everything for me because time can not be given back
Sorry your interest in my existence was nonexistent, guess in the 90's being a father was wack.

Respect from hoes was worth more than respect from your daughter
If it was up to you, if you were her, you would have probably said "abort her"
You knew I was a girl and that I'd be your first daughter but that wasn't enough for you
You had 9 months which turned into 1 plus twenty now you're begging for my heart to attend to it's broken it needs amends too, a man too?

So I'm looking at guy after guy to cut into some deep hurting pain from my past
Not realizing that they can't give me what I'm missing cause I can't miss what I never had  
I asked God for a brother but I never got em
When I was 8 I wanted to meet my Father but I never saw em
After that, just like everything you cant change in life, you learn to accept
Accept and move on not accept and dwell in it

Yet I found myself looking for what I lacked in a male figure in a young boy
I didn't know it yet but my innocence he would destroy
How can you be sure about love and if you're in it, if there is no demonstration clearly displayed to see
How can i be sure that he loves me for me, not what i give or what i can be but everything that I am if I haven't truly accepted me for me
I long to feel love from a man who created me with his *****
Not physical love from a boy with a toy in it *****, I'm talking something long term
Deeply invested in things that cannot be returned or given back
Like time, memories, laughs, tears, words, or the lack...thereof

I was very young, when I first faced change.
A life altered by someone else's mistake.
I hid the tears and the worry, but the pain still lingered
And it left in no hurry

You ran willingly out of my life,
Just as fast as you ran in.
I watched you run straight out the door,
There was no turning back.

You left us all unsure.
Where were you tonight?
Were you alright?
Were you thinking of all the missed “good nights”?

A little girl just sitting at her window,
Hoping and praying to see that truck pull in,
park where it used to be,
Where its always been...

And it never came,
No it never does...
So all that's left is the memory...
Of what your love used to be.

They say you have to lose to realize what you had,
but I lost everything and all I see is the bad.
Are you lost out there?
Are you tryin to come home?


Did you want to leave us here, without you, all alone?
No explanations...its complicated...you're just a little frustrated
That's all you had to say, before you made your way
Lost in your own world, you have left your little girl.

Daddy, will you ever come home?
You just miss more each day that I grow.
Will you come home? This I need to know
because I am growing tired and I need to let go...

This is a story about dante and about him having nothing left with his life forgiving test...
Dantes always been quiet, sticking to himself, finding it quite hard giving his trust to someone else, he's been there, he's tried it.    
No one is exempt from being targets of his riot. But first he needs to fight his own battle from within. A small little issue that caused his anger to begin.
His dad was never there, but he always seen him everywhere. The question that will forever haunt him about why he didn't want him?
Death and iniquities find pleasure in trying to taunt him.
They want me!
everything I've been going  through is making develop some type of sick disease.
What do you demand from God when your favorite word is please when you get down on your knees.
I often wonder if you think of me often.
Memories, I held onto them for years, but then I lost them. Better yet tossed them. Mom, you did your best, and for that you should never frown again. I want to see your crown again.
laughter? You once knew it but you'll never make that sound again. You should've left dad in the same place that you found him in.
Everyone of us are in the same pool that he's drowning in. we help to hold your head up but then you always  let us down again!
Satan's at your door, with presents on the floor. You know you shouldn't answer because he's been in and out before.
Try not answering to his pounding on the door.
He laughs at your falling magnitude, then you can't be yourself because you're thinking were all mad at you.Thinking that way will have you with a self destroying attutide.
Self destruct has been on your mind while I was growing up. Look at our family now, don't you think that we're low enough? Maybe it's my fault for never asking how your holding up. I figured since your old enough that it's given that you know enough.
When your role model doesn't live enough and you know that he is giving up, how can you escape the pain when it's apart of a chain that has you lifted up?
Oh, I kinda get it now! what you do comes back to knock me down when it comes hurling back around.
I realize I'm your flaw, no drug can match me cause im more potent than them all.
It's your call.
you pint me to the wall so you would never have to see me fall. Is that better than having to stay watch you suffer, suffer though the pain while you try to fight back but you're failing to maintain?
What's really on your brain?
I'm a thinking dude, and mainly when I think I only think of you.
I bet if I pick your mind I'll find that's what you're thinking too.
I use to be the best at what I once did, remianing the best artist that is, but I don't draw anymore, all I do is write.
I find myself crawling when I know that i should stand and fight.
It's complicated. Giving up is what I seen from you, it's seemed easy from my point of view so why wouldn't i contemplate it? You taught me how to draw, i dont enjoy it anymore so you can take your teachings right back.
Lying as you left the house, promising you'd be right back.
You hurt me! You hurt us! Woe to your mistrust.
It would've been easier growing up if someone told me that you mastered non fiction. Listen, you'll never understand the cries that your contraction provides. But still I raise, only leaving sorrow in my eyes.

I'm not spewing no hate, I'm just being honest.
This not a Disney Channel movie, no Pocahontas.
Not really a fan of Father's Day, cause i ain't have a father.
I felt as a kid, he was just like why bother.

As i got older i wished that he had tried harder.
Consistent phone calls, that would have been a good starter.
But i ain't get any of it, and soon i was like **** it.
I got tired of waiting for something and receiving nothing.

At a point in time i started to hate him.
My heart for him was cold, like who the hell wants to chase him.
That feeling went on for a couple years.
My heart and mental kept changing like i was switching gears.

Since we being honest recently those feelings stopped.
You can't hate a stranger and truth is i don't know my pops.
Although you said you love me and i said i love you back.
Love and hate has twin rules, so what type of love is that.

I mean it's not sincere.
It's like you're pushed to say it like you're pressured by your peers.
And I'm not saying that it's sad and that brings me tears.
But man-to-man it ain't something that i want to hear.

Dried Up Tears
(To a stranger that I call Dad from your Daughter with a broken heart)

There is pain that can not be fixed by Band-Aids and Poetry.
To the stranger I call Dad.
The one who left me and my sister.
For lies and greed, For your selfish gain.
Why did you run away?
Am I anything to you?

You said that you love me, That was all lies.
That you always be there, Nothing but lies.
You took my heart and stomped on it, a part of me has died.
For years you never said a word, so I write, I stand here with a broken heart.

I remember the first time you told me that you stopped drinking.
My heart took flight and the idea of having a sober father became the root of my happiness.
You got drunk that night.

I remember the first time you let me down.
I stood alone among my peers because you had better things to do.
You got drunk that night.

I remember the first time I slit my porcelain skin open for you.
As blood trickled from my veins I begged you to come and rescue me from the demons in my mind.
You got drunk that night.

I remember the first time I tried to put an end to all the madness that engulfed my life.
I grabbed your gun from the safe and shot a bullet through my head.
I will never know if you got drunk that night.
You probably did.