failing
              and
                        falling
falli­ng
              into
                       failing
where the ****
                                   am i *going?

Why does the little bird try?
For he trys in vain,
He trys to fly but he will fall back to the earth again.

i am endlessly tired
of seeing all these successful people
and i am endlessly tired
of creating catastrophes
when it is never intentional
but calling them mistakes
starts to sound like excuses
no it really isn't
and even my passions are useless
and i'm no good at those either
when i kind of want to share it with the world
and become one of those successful people
but i suppose i need to accept
i'll always be in the unnoticed dark
efforts are futile
people see success
not efforts
people see useless failures
not struggling survivors

A wanderer I have become.
Traversing all forms of thought.
I am not the first.
Nor anywhere close to being the last.
at what point does the this hurdle.
Evolve into an obsticle.
Am I doomed to hit the plated steel at full sprint.
Or find solace in the knowledge that nothing can hinder this momentum.
Is this the peace that is sought after so viciously.
The acceptance of all that was bounded over to lead to this point.
Or is it just a lie to manipulate my mind from another truth.
Drawing figures in the sand as the other contestants rush by.
Who was I to assume praise would come.
And as I laugh at myself and all the foolish ploys I have created.
Does the simple.
Irrelevant.
Illusion come forth.
Winning was never an option.
One must eradicate any notion of the sort.
I must learn to fail.
Review and revise it's delicate tools.
For I have never thought that I would ever fail.
At failing..

there is no worse feeling in
the whole world than
trying so ******* hard
to only fail.
like i swear to god it smells
like this house is burning down
but everyone knows it burnt down
years ago.
and maybe i'm a little drunk,
but maybe i always am.
like god didn't give me
the power to do anything,
except write.
like i will never be heard by
anyone.
and my face lotion
smells just like you,
but now a days i smell
a house burning down
and i think it smells like you.
and the word "sorry" seems
to slip out of my mouth a lot
more than it should.
i think thats what a
burning house is like.
maybe its saying sorry, agreeing, and failing
even though you know
you shouldn't.

My eyes  are hot.
Why are they so hot?
tears, their streaming down my face.
WHy?
This problem, equation, function.
It is so confusing.
I don't get it.
I don't get any of it.
I hate taking test.
Why are my hands shaking.
Its just a test..
Or is it?
Is this my future.
My hearts in my throat,
Can this all just disappear.

Can I
Why am I so bad at this.
School test life.
I can't focus
Everythings crushing down on me.
I can't breathe
I can't
I

You'll fight and you'll argue
You'll scream and you'll yell

You'll smoke because you're mad
You'll cut because you're numb

He'll block you out of his life
Only to keep you safe

He'll be thinking of you every moment,
Knowing exactly where he was when you called.

He'll ignore your call because he's got nothing to say,
Being ignored just isn't your style

You'll blow up his phone
Only because you care

No one is there for him so you try to be

He won't let you in,
He doesn't know how

It's just not his style,
But it's completely yours.

You can't wallow in your problems
Because then they become scars.

He can't speak right away because his thoughts become reckless.

You deal with him and he deals with you

You love each other deeply but it just might not be enough

You fight and you fight to stay together

The love and feelings are there
The passion is there
So what could be missing?

Why can't you make it work..

A hole inside my heart
Big; hollow; dark;
Has always been there
Never thought I should care

Covers up over time
Naive were the thoughts of mine
To think about a better place
With hope and love no pain and sorrows

Things I can not achieve
No matter how hard I try; imagine and believe
Still a hole inside my heart
Big, hollow and dark
Emptiness

We are trying to overcome
Our problems and flaws
We think they hold us strong within their claws
Wishing we could change ourselves
Knowing we will fail trying

Today all the eligible promotees find out if they get promoted
I've been working for this company for over 17 years and YES I feel like I'm owed
Those that got promoted got to hear from the CEO while the rest of us got a canned speech from the CEO's flunky:

He said: I’m sorry you didn’t make it...you’ll get’em next year”
I thought: "Whatever it's the same old routine year after year"
He said: "You’re all great workers, but for now we need you right here"

To this company I've given so much back
This time every year I can't sleep
I get anxiety attacks thinking about being left back...again
And it hurts
I sacrifice everything for my work
When I look back I think its been a nice run
But after all these years of not reaching the next rung
I’m beginning to think that perhaps my time in this job is done