A screen.
An act of bore
where routine dialogues are said for mere regret over discourse.
A set of characters dressed in their unusual appearances
and mock full costumes.
It's the same all over again.
It repeats,
repeats,
repeats until she repents.
I could only sit here and trace fingers over the glazed screen.
I've tapped,
slapped and
omitted all of joy i've got to get through it yet all in vain.
Her sound of laughter,
mixed with joy and excitement
she's feeling lingers still.
a hope for me to grieve.
The boy who she loved,
looked the same as he was 11 years ago.
For him,
memories came over rushing as the ocean rushes to gallop on shore but for her it was desertion of self.
She no longer remembers me,
the memory of her first love.
I wandered through her trenches,
found her secret yet
still i could not figure how she forgot the boy she called “mine”.
Particle by particle.
I began fading out.
He is reaching for her.
He is holding her hand.
I gasp if i could filled with life
but i turn to rust
and resign from life
as she slaps and shouts at him for the first time.

The fading light, a whispered plea,
When shadows lengthen, wild and free.
Only the embers glow so low,
Do we truly see the warmth we know.

The sun's bright blaze, a blinding sight,
We miss its grace in winter's blight.
Only when the snow descends so deep,
Do we feel the sun, a silent weep.

Her laughter light, a gentle breeze,
A whispered promise, soft and ease.
Only when she's gone, do we truly see,
The depth of love, for all to be.

The heights we climbed, a dizzying climb,
Now echoes fade, a whispered chime.
Only when we're lost in the depths below,
Do we comprehend the heights we've known.

Her spirit bright, a starlit night,
A love that shines, a pure delight.
Only when she departs, with grace untold,
Do we grasp the love, brave and bold.

So let her go, with whispered sighs,
For in her absence, love will rise.
Only in letting, do we find,
The truest truth, the peace of mind.

Your kisses
are dry across my body.
They don’t excite me anymore—
they’re like a lullaby.

I don’t feel desire,
I’m sorry.
I don’t know what happened to us—
if love cooled,
or froze completely.

I don’t want you to touch me.
My toes used to curl
every time
your hands
moved across my skin.

Now
there’s nothing.

you have the voice of an angel.
oh, my love, your eyes:
they are oceans.
and if that is so…
i suppose i must be drowning.
and your black hair draws me in
like the depths of the night
god knows it was made to hold our secrets.
so run away with me now,
your pale skin fading
like a ghost on horseback.
we can be safe.
we can be free.

I fought so hard to get out of this hole.
Lost so much to make myself whole.
Given up a lot to give peace to my soul.
Now it's as if nothing matters anymore

I'm slowly fading  back to the abyss,
It stares at me and everything seems amiss
Confusion blocking my thoughts,
Like chains welded to every idea before it forms

Last time i said i would be fine
But as i sip from this bottle of white wine
Trying to forget , or maybe trying to remember
When was the last time i tried leaving this chamber?

I call it my mind but it feels like a cage
It traps me inside but now i want to fade,
Into the background where i can be free
Free from judgment , free from punishment

I look at the table where i put my blade
As i fade , i ask myself what it would take
To feel better like sunshine on my face
To stop running from all my mistakes

The thoughts of killing myself come rushing through my brain
I need a release perhaps a distraction from the pain
I start cutting and feel numb , i feel nothing but this blade,
on my skin and tell myself ,"Let me fade today, fight again another day."

Somethings are just golden,
Even if gold doesn't stay,
Somethings don't fade away.

I am golden,
An idea that refuses to fade,
I am brave.

I hate this feeling
your feelings are fading
aren't they?
I can tell
or maybe I'm overthinking
I can't tell
but to ask you
you might lie
to save my feelings
you went from giving me
your time of day
and conversation flowed
like a river
now I initiate everything
and you seem distant
I hate this feeling
the not knowing
the feeling I ruined everything
I could ask you
how you feel
but would it change anything?
maybe it would confirm
my worst fears
that you lost feelings
due to my insecurities
pressuring you to make
a decision
I hate this feeling
your feelings are fading
aren't they?
I can tell

You're growing tired of me.
I can feel it in the spaces where your silence has started to settle.
I feel it in every breath you don't take around me anymore,
I feel it with how every laugh feels further away than it used to.
You don’t say it outright, but I see it in the way your eyes move past mine,
like I'm something you’ve already looked at too long
and you’re just trying to be polite.


I loved you so hard I still can’t sleep.
My mind keeps pulling your name apart and folding it back into maybes and ifs,
and I replay it all, the quiet moments, the almosts, everything
until I start to think they mean more than they should.
You should know I never stopped loving you, not even for a second.
But I don’t think you’ve figured that out
or maybe you have,
and you’ve just stopped loving me.
The thought of that sits heavy in my stomach, like a second heartbeat.
Some nights I start thinking up versions of myself that might’ve been easier to love
ones who don’t wear their sadness so visibly and so meanly,
ones who wouldn’t make you feel like staying is a chore.


You're growing tired
of all the things I won’t say out loud,
the feelings I edit out of every sentence
because I’m scared of tipping the balance
between “close friend” and “too much.”
So I swallow the aches before they rise,
tie my thoughts into neat little knots
so you don’t see how messy it really gets.
How messy I really am.


Sometimes I think about telling you everything
you are the only person who’s ever made me feel like I can, but I still can’t.
It’s all too tangled.
I want to know how it feels to sit beside you and want nothing
except to be held like I mean something
held like maybe I mean as much to you as you do to me.
Yet I stay quiet, again, like I always do,
because if I spill it…
won’t it drown you too?  


I miss our hugs, where in that moment our souls blurred together.
I miss our cuddles on the couch, where everything felt right, felt safe.
I miss how being near you made the hurting stop, even just for a little while.
But now it’s been so long.
All I have left is the ghost of your warmth,
And now, your touch feels too heavy,
like something I’m not sure I can carry,
cold in a way that makes everything feel distant.
like your warmth has faded into something unfamiliar.
It’s not that I don’t want you


I do.
But this isn’t you.