The ones that were left behind
Began to kick at my shins
And they bled and bruised blue
But all that fell were tears
And my apologies

Forgive me, I've been a stranger
But deep down I've drowned
And coming up for air is a hassle
But I'm still watching from afar

Please wait for me
Please don't look at me like that
Please hear me when I say these
Two words, tumbling out like
******* birds, thirsty for the taste
Of cotton candy clouds

And please accept me,
Those not-so-forgotten friends of mine

I have been breathing underwater for so long I cannot remember the last time I breathed air.
I cannot remember the last time my oxygen wasn't clogged by a mouthful of loneliness.
I cannot remember the last time I laughed and my voice didn't sound hollow in my ears.
I cannot remember the last time I opened my eyes in the morning, excited to see the new day.
I have been plagued by thoughts that drown me everyday a bit further down.
Voices in my head are turning circles trying to find a way out of my twisted mind.
I am going insane.
I stand on the edge of my roof and wait to see if the wind will give me a push.
I stare at myself in the mirror, hoping to find something alive in my features but all I see is dead tissue.
I try to rip the Band-Aid off to let the wound breathe but I rip my skin off instead.
I cry when I see people holding hands and laughing because I haven't laughed in years.
I have been dead inside for a month and I feel like time has stopped and eternity has already passed.
What is a life without a smile?
It is miserable.
I am miserable.
Miserably broken.
I am tired of trying and being broken again and again and again and again and again.
How do you live that way? How do you push through and get out on the other side?
I have done this so many times and yet I seem stuck in quicksand.
I struggle to get away and I get deeper and deeper in.
I cannot get away from my own thoughts.
I cannot get away from my own loneliness.
I am broken and my soul is leaking outside my body, my fingers are shaking and I cannot keep it inside.
I feel like I am dying everyday a new death when I wake up and realize I am still here.

Perhaps love is a dress rehearsal for death.

In wakeful moments of plenty
Deep dark the dream comes
I drowned, was cold and weary
And all the time I woke numb
When someone calls my name
And all seems to be the same.

I will never forget the moment you tore my heart into a million pieces.
And the way it felt to have the whole world crumbling down on me.

I will never forget the way the waves pulled me under,
And kept me under.

I drowned myself,
While you just watched.

I sing the song of the sinking ships that drown in the vast, dark ocean of depression I call home. They slosh against my ribcage with such force, I fear I may break entirely.

Drowning in sorrows
He flounders in the depths, gone
His chance over, gone.

I no longer know
whether to drown myself
in heartbreak
in cheap liquor
or in the bath tub.