your eyes seem to change colors
and seem to be deeper than the ocean

you have different laughs but my
favorite is the short and breathless one

you know i can’t stand country music
yet you blast it through your speakers

your family has dinner together every
single night like the ones in the movies

you always say, “yeah, um” or “the uh”
when you’re thinking of what to say

you workout every day for hours
shaping your body into perfection

you seem like a mama’s boy
always trying to please and talk to her

you love animals but
still eat your meat

your mom is always gone traveling
and you pretend that you’re not sad

you work hard for the grades you have
but the pressure makes you feel worse

your considering the army but
can’t decide if it’s worth the time

your hands are always rough when
you touch me but it just means hard work

you always look at me like i’m the
only one you are able to see

every time we see each other
i notice more stops on your
roadmap and i travel every
time we laugh, cry, smile
and i think it’ll be an endless vacation

You were the moon; ghostly and looming.
I was the lightening; formidable and opaque.
We started as lovers, across a sea of stars.
But the immense and powerful waves of emotion
had taken their toll.
You cried that I was too sporadic, and untouchable.
I screamed that you were too trivial, and distant.
I guess the only thing we had in common,
was that we were both lonely lights shining brightly
in the vast and cold sky.

m.e.

I am just a drama queen
Another over dramatic teen
I sit and cry
When I could fly
But I choose to frown
And feel so down
Being so irrational
And acting all emotional
Pretending I am the center of everything
But I am truly nothing

An autonomous program written for all,
The margin of error is rather quite small.
A day to day basis I go through my week,
Without any error it's bound to repeat.
The automatic smile when passing a stranger
Believe it or not the code is in danger.

A fault in the code that lies in my brain,
At first I feel normal but then feel insane.
The code is so broken that nothing seems real,
How could it be when this is all I feel?
Day in day out a feeling of nothingness,
Most mark it off as me being a pessimist.

It all meshes together and all feels the same,
All I want is to get out of this sick, twisted game.
No changes in schedule is really quite boring,
But the thought of change is super abhorring.
I look at my friends and know I should care,
But in the end my mind is just bare.

I still haven’t talked about how it made me feel
clearly I was upset
the tears streaming down my face
and blood seeping out of the slits in my wrist
could tell you that
my mom could tell you that
considering I stayed in bed for a whole week

when the tears stopped
that’s when I didn’t know how to feel
why was I no longer upset
why was I no longer feeling FEELINGS
am I a ******* robot

my best friend killed herself
and a few weeks later
I was drowning the thought of it

cheap liquor nightly
stench of skunk daily
not a chance to sober up
and face the reality

I was so mad
mad at “God”
or whatever that **** is
mad that I couldn’t be there for her
like she was for me
mad that I couldn’t talk to her again if I tried

have you ever
sat in front of a grave
and shared your deepest secrets
it’s some sort of desperation
and hope at the same time

I pray you never have to
experience such a thing
such a numbing tragedy
that takes you away from yourself

and that’s when it hit me, like a bullet shooting straight through my skull.

the eyes i once thought had endless depth in them hold nothing but lust as we make eye contact for the first time.

you never loved me
you loved my body
and that i let you lay between my legs

i rip away from you, anger taking over my whole being.

“get out.”

you’ve been damaged from your childhood
from the fighting your parents
the way they call you names
and tell you things that are engraved into your soul

but now i’ve sacrificed everything from my happiness to my innocence
and i’m still falling through tme down with you, falling faster than i did for you
i want to stay but the pain tears me from you
tell me you love me because all i want to do is love you. . . again