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Hannuh Jacey Aug 2015
I like it best when I look least like myself.
What am I doing here?
Waiting. Life is one big waiting game. I guess.
I am really fighting the urge.
This undying urge to *****.
To ***** everything up and be done with it.
My stomach throbbing.
So through with sobbing.
So done with hearing all these thoughts.
Everyone's thoughts but yours.
I want to be a slash on your wall.
A stain on your sheets.
You don't give a ring to someone with the mentality that another is out there.
I've fallen victim to a juvenile prank.
The fault in the thought process of today's youth.  
Playing with emotions and love like it's nothing.
Everyone has a weak heart.
Except the one I Iove.
So hard and cold he turns me stone.
And laughs at me to better the jest.
Feeling a lot like it may have been better to have never loved at all.
Maybe someone else holds the key.
The key to my being happy.
I've been happier on my worst days.
We're at about the point of no return.
And there's no sign of your love in sight.
I'm on the path to becoming someone you won't like at all.
Time to start making everyone want to save me, again.
Everyone but you, because what could you do, anyways, to save me?
You get paid to write songs about love.
And you don't know how to love at all.
I'm on the warpath down your heart.
I shouldn't have fallen for you from the start.
Now I'm stuck.
Alone. But with you.
I never get anything I want.
Let me define my desire's complexity:
An "I love you" first.
A kiss without requests.
Cuddles when you're conscious.
Conversation without inconvenience.
Answers without malice and sarcasm.
How about a smile?
An indication I'm actually wanted.
Maybe you're comfortable pretending to love me but I'm not comfortable pretending to be stupid...
I wish I were arrogant and oblivious.
I'm already annoying as it is.
I'd be happier if you just told me you hate me.
"Will you stop ******* asking me if I'm okay when I go to the bathroom!"
Sorry I care you've been sick.
Sorry I asked a couple times since you've been ill. Sorry I'm even here.
And I'm about to be real sorry when I leave.
I'm feeling abused. And beaten.
Crying this much is a sin.
You clearly find me worthless and despicable.
"I dare you to find someone who treats you as good as I do."
Oh, awesome. I deserve jack-****.
I'm ******* tired of being punished. For existing. Everyone condemns me for existing.
I want to **** myself in the most horrid way and lay all the blame in your direction. Their direction. Everyone's.
I'm already dead inside anyway.
And you're full of ****.
Summer 2014
Alex George Jul 2015
A huge farm
Endless walking
I forgot who I was
Forgot my middle name
How I sign my signature
Gave my voice away
Flexed my throat like a professional
Teeth on display
I thought I’d see a black cloud
Or a gang of hands
Enveloping me
Choking me
But I was just left
Out in the bright light
With no disgusted eyes
Looking my way
Nobody asking for explanations

Just me talking to myself

Slit his ******* throat
So he doesn’t repeat
The story about his best friends
Leyla Jude Jul 2015
Everytime you open your stupid mouth
I just want to stab you with knives
Each time I see your face I feel sick
Oh how I wish you could end in the Styx
It's not hate it's just pure disgust
You only deserve to bite the dust
Yes you were once important in my life
But that was before I thought twice
Now I'm finally moving on
You're nothing more than an old vision
CJ M Jul 2015
Classic fairytale love is what it was to us. You being the spoiled rich ******* the block and me the poor, lonely expresser who stole your heart as if I could live off the mere heat of it.
We were fated, middle school crushes, High school sweethearts, college lovers. Our closeness judged by the length of time we spent together, and as college kids, our making love was sweeter than honeysuckles, more spiceful than Spanish rice. We had a poetic passion unlike any the world had ever seen
But your love for me wore off fast, you’d acquired a taste for un-sampled  cuisine. That would’ve been fine had I not found out on my own. I found out about them, one or two would’ve been bad, but Six?!?! Do I bore you? Don’t try to wiggle your way out of this, it only hurts me more.
Your voice gets tighter as you ridicule me for my actions, but I can’t hear you anymore. I don’t know you, I fell in love with a love and a lover, not this whorish display in front of me. You yell louder, climaxing my urges, I send a jolting hand fast across your cheek. I already feel the guilt and regret, tears spilling from my eyes, I get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness.
You forgave me.
And somehow we ended up making love that night, only, it was no longer love. My regret fueled me, but I didn’t want to touch you anymore knowing how many hands do so in my absence. Now I thought we should go our separate ways.
We stop speaking but remain on friendly terms as you continue your cheating barrage on  your new lovers. I still have feelings for you, but the betrayal has me cornered in a pit of emotion that’s  steady pulling me down, down, down into an aggressive element.
But we are still friends, right? So I’d like you to come to a show that I’m making, I intend for it to be a wild ride. You watch the crumbling masquerade with painful eyes, the other audience members leave in shock at the agony of the destructed art. The show was a disaster that destroyed any chance at a career I had. You consoled me, filling my head with sweet words and fantasized hopes, keying in my engram of you.
We ended up in bed once more, bare bodies spent as we fell asleep. All it took was a moment of weakness.  I leave you momentarily to doze as until you fall asleep, crazy thoughts run through my head as I stare at my **** body in the bathroom mirror, a body that had been reserved for you. I tried hard to suppress the urges again, thinking of the good times we had and the wonderful love we made, but it wasn’t helping, It was only making my shy, sweet mind turn vicious.
No, don’t make me do this! Screaming in my head as a homicidal idea takes over my conscious mind. She had nothing to honestly do with this! But my rationality ebbs as my snapped heart seeks its retaliation. My world begins to disappear around me as the urge takes over. I am sensually invisible: no hearing, no sight, no feeling.
But the sensation seems to last only seconds before my senses snap back on and I discover what was to be…
What have I done !? Two slits where your cherry-wood brown eyes used to be and the guilty utensil in my hand, a knife, colored crimson all the way to the handle. I panicked in my guilt and got on my knees. No repentence for what I had done, too late and too heavy a burden to apologize.
But there was one way I could make my wrong a right, I could second the wrong. I could join you on the other side and remake what we had. The idea only flashes in my grieving brain, but it’s enough to make me settle on it. I put both hands on the handle, thrusting it heavily into my belly and commit my own honorable seppuku.
Passion killing is what they called it when the authorities arrived. Two long time lovers, dead before the dawn, I was influenced deeply by my mind, and my heart was betrayed by it. But now I guess we both know the extent of a betrayed Poetic Passion.
Look XD this has nothing to do with my personal life other than I was inspired by a book lol sooooo
David Jul 2015
This world
takes you
and holds you
and shows you all that you could have.
Then it forsakes you
and throws you,
cruely,
into the bone crushing groundswell,
the fountains,
the wells,
and tells you to sink or swim.
Do or die.
Survival of fittest.
and you curse the sky.
ji Jun 2015
She was courtly,
Oh! Stately was she!

But woe to her! --
      the seller of love;
            seeker of empathy.

What more poorer than her a soul
         could be? --
                  A morsel of love for a penny.

What more colder
         than a night as hers--
                 To slumber in as if a hearse?

Oh, woe to her! --
      the seller of love;
           seeker of empathy.

And what more worse
       could a mishap be--
                Than feast in the banquet
                        of the ****** and the guilty?

How more cursed
        could a creature be--
                 Than thrive in another's lustful  
                          idolatry?

Oh, woe to her! --
      the seller of love;
            seeker of empathy.

She vends fondness
       she never can receive,
             forth with the saintdom
                      she ne'er can retrieve.

What other vying
         is greater than hers--
            To state the malison
                 of the welkin terse?

And she prays to the dimmest sky;
       to the starless horizon she cries,
           "Woe! -- woe is me! --
                     the seller of love;
                           seeker of empathy."
Matthew Harlovic Jun 2015
The pipes froze as the toilet overflowed
with pangs of guilt and bile bitten clothes.
She tried to dispose of what she ate
from breakfast to lunch to her snacks after eight.
From dieting to shame, infatuation came,
from the overwhelming pain of being herself.
Scared to ask for help, she took matters to her hands.
One to hold her hair, the other to her thyroid gland.

© Matthew Harlovic
I know it brings back bad memories and I'm sorry.
scar Jun 2015
i like honey
it is nice
and sweet
it soothes my throat
keeps my voice
for singing.

it’s delicate and gentle
but thick and determined
it goes well with ginger
or lemon
or just hot water in a cup.

but the trouble with honey
is that it gets everywhere
i keep finding bits of it
when i pick things up or put things down

on the handle of the kettle
in the corner of the sink
under the cupboard door
- how the hell did it get there? -
behind the toaster.

i like honey
(and sweetness and light)
in moderation
but the trouble with honey
(and comfort and love)

is that when i have a lot of it
i start to hate it
see it as an infection
like maybe it’s not so sweet
after all.

i think really
that the trouble with honey
isn’t.

it’s the trouble with me.
scar Jun 2015
Chamomile lines
In a cup filled with sorrow
As they swirl, rise and burst your eyes burn on.
Ice-blue, yet warm
As the morning in winter
Feels like I'm breathing dragons and walking through fields of silver.
Spider web catches
The rays of the sun
Rising on the horizon, is it called a horizon because of the rising?
Hawks drop and whirl
It's all so romantic
And it makes me feel sick to my stomach because I'm just a wandering girl...

You're a beast in the den
You're a wolf in the lair
You're the wood for my fire
You're the breeze in my hair

But I never asked for a den
And I wanted the lair for myself
And my fire should be burning with coal not wood.

And the breeze in my hair? Well that's just annoying
The affection you lavish on me feels like cloying
Reproaches from some kind of horrible clown
All lathered and slathered in wet eiderdown
It's leering towards me, its horrible face
Lifts into a smile, an ugly grimace

And I realise suddenly
That my mind is painting grotesque scenes
Over the beauty of the one that I love

But then how do I stop it?
How do I stop it?
How do I stop it?

You make me feel putrid
We laughed when he said that
Yet love lies niggling at my insides like a blister
That I don't want
And yet it's mine
Mine
All mine
And I want to keep it
Forever.
Former methhead checks me
With his eyes, says hi
Hey, one small cup, please
Coffee with sugar and cream
MJ, not holding but maybe
Some day I'll entertain you
With a couple bowls
So we can get to know each other
He thought I was born this way
Should I or not make this basic
Thing the basis from which
I make the decision to let you in?
Why not?
I like it
Can't seem to find many hidden
In the masses of my kind who get it
So ****,
Drink up getting buzzed meet up
With my little sis
Hey, sister, toot
Do a line or two
Miserable friends of the white
Grain powder, ******* brain
How dare haters say I'm insane
Naw, I like it, appreciate
The way you look overwhelmed
With disgust, huh
Maybe I'm a bad person
When it comes down to it
With the worst brought out
By faith I choose not to deny
Celebrate
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