He was too tired to care about much
The mistake was admiring the wrong people
He became a stranger to himself
It’s sad to find out when there’s not enough time

He started too late to make it
Now it’s too important to leave it
They say don’t go and wonder why
There’s never any reason why we live and die

He wondered which book they read
The one about the law or the one about love
He said zealots were the same as bankers
They leave envelopes in the pews and the lobby

He wanted to start as soon as he could
Thought there were knots he still had to tie
But he decided the last chapter wasn’t the end
So he tore it out before that ship came in

The pages have been turned one at a time
He thought about the ending then he remembered
They said there were two paths we can follow
But when he looks back he can only see one

He thought of sands that once burned his feet
He remembered running towards the water
It was so bright it felt like being born again
The sea told his soul it’s never too late to begin

you peered too long and too closely into other souls
while yours retreated with spite
your own feelings were discarded
and you invested everything into this new charity

but your soul was hiding a tiny spark
kind of like how a tiny flare could set a whole forest on fire
if it was all dried up and gone
like your interest in yourself

slowly, that spark grew and grew
and you felt the heat right about where your heart is
and that was the realization you needed
to track down the remains of yourself

you searched and searched
the inferno in your chest acting as a compass
and leading you to the longest trek you will ever go on, ever
self discovery
-kaitlyn fisher

Defying justice, I shout somewhere above me. Wholly empty
I can hear the laughter of the clouds

Deference is evil, Louder now, every breath leaving me shaking
As the heavens forge their thunder to rain down

God of malice, forgetting patience, as the words escape me
I can hear the whispers softly now
For the moment, I am searching, though there's nothing I am missing
Forge the moment's once endowed

I was born in this place, barely justified
And now that I am alive, it was never justified
I once basked in this grace, the wording so maligned
I was born in this way, only death will reconcile

--------------------

This heart beats ever stronger
One
Two

One...
Two...

The drumbeat as I wander

****
You

allow me to indulge you with my philosophy
it has become apparent to me that throughout the course of my life
the same question has been imposed upon me
and i have given the same answer
until now
ask me what i believe is to be the greatest feeling that anyone can portray
happiness
it defeats all other sentiments on this earth
it surmounts rage, hate, fear, pain, and dejection
all things that others may find beguiling
i choose to believe they are mistaken
indeed
you can contempt yourself with woe
surround yourself with closed doors, pills, and solitude on the bathroom floor at 3am
you can seal yourself in a package with immeasurable bitterness and agitation
a disclaimer at the very top spelling out
“WARNING DO NOT TOUCH”
you can choose to seek gratification in tarnishing others
transforming yourself as a threat rather than safety
depict the gates of hell out of your insecurities
scorch all those who reach for you
shall i continue?
…
happiness
the apprehension that you wish to unlock
a notion one is granted
yet you choose to form an idea that it cannot be found
even when the key is set out in blindsight
the fundamental of this bias weighs solely on you
releasing yourself from the confinement you’ve been defined by
some may say they await the arrival of another
convincing themselves this “person” renders all qualities to set them loose
secluded by the gravel
there is no outlet without someone to uplift you
but your freedom is not disposed to you by another
happiness is not fed amongst the perception of others
believe me when i tell you
it is rooted from within you
it forms rivers and valleys out of your ache
establishes mountains of your inmost fears

i know of all these things because i myself have felt them
strongly
intensely
lightly
delicately
i spent so long in hiding i forgot the rich sentiment of the sun
i wasted months in the profundity of darkness
the appearance of light itself enthralled me
i shared a room with remorse and regret
revolted for all the things i had said
and all those i didn’t
i released wars amongst my waters
you’d be swept by vigorous currents and devoured by creatures whose only natural instinct was to **** the first thing in their sight
i was a depiction of all the things i wanted least to be
a perfect contradiction to all that i desired and was
yet
i cleansed myself from the agony
that i forgot how rich my skin was after all the dirt and excess was removed
i have grown fields of thorns out of the vexation of the words i spoke
but i discovered once i altered that hate into acceptance
once i deluded myself in self discovery
i was swallowed by hills of daffodils
that seemed to extend for miles and miles
i somehow came to peace with the fact that infinitely deep in all this chaos
there is beauty
i understood once battles have been fought it is for certain best to make amends
and this war
this frightful
terrifying yet
completely mesmerizing war
it was all against myself
and in the midst
i glanced around myself and i saw
so vividly the storm you and everybody else
including my own self
seem so confined in
a confinement we assume defines us
but it does not
because in fact
it entitles us to strength
it gives us a reason to strive for courage
a reason to lose ourselves in order to be found
the convincement that once we reach an everlasting winter within ourselves
we will be unable to walk in the rays of our own sunlight again
we will cease to grasp the howling of the wind
neglected to feel the intensity of it as it nearly sweeps us off our feet
preventing us from feeling and indulging ourselves in the unknown
to laugh to the extent we’re clenching our own stomachs
and droplets of purity leaking from our eyelids
the fulfillment of dancing in our rooms in the middle of the night
when everyone is dead asleep
yet we’re allured into another world of art
finding surrealness with goodness in everything we do and feel
even if at times it isn’t always as easy as we’d like it to be
making it seemingly impossible to view ourselves as more than the sum of our parts
but as the entire landscape of the person we are
to seize every moment and making it our own
creating a canvas with our smile and allowing it to illustrate things we never imagined we could create
but that is untrue in the most tremendous of ways
for i have finally seen myself
aware that there were and are parts of me that are for more prettier to view than the rest
because of this i took cover and hid in shame and ignominy
a wallflower sitting recklessly in darkness
forsaken in her own solitude to even attempt to step foot in the light
but i assure you once i did
once i had found myself
the seed planted within me ages ago
sprouted
beams of the sun showered me in constant radiance
the storms that passed over painted hues on every inch of my skin
that at last
i became a garden of my own
blossoming with begonias, marigolds and sunflowers
a vision of ecstasy to all that passed me
my kaleidoscopic shades fascinated all those in my presence
for i am no longer reluctant with who i am and was
i have found inner peace in the person i am
so go ahead
ask me what i believe to be the greatest feeling anyone can portray
and every single time i shall answer
…
happiness
-c. alejandra

The paths in front of me have never been numerically limited.
I've never really had a set destination in mind.
Seeking peace alongside the silhouettes formed as it set,
I've always chased the sun to its horizon.
Hoping where light meets dark I'd be lucky enough to walk the line of in-between to self solidarity and serenity.
Instead, I had found I walked a fine line of self destruction, and self empowerment.
Caught in between being the best me I can be, or not being me at all.
Here, I planted my feet and became rooted in the safety of my own demise.

But tables are turning, stars are falling, there's truth beyond this horizon.
You'll find comfort in pain, and pain in love, and even following the light can mean the end.
Beauty can be found in the eye of the storm, when everything becomes silent take a deep breath.
Look around, let your walls you've built fall down.
Remind yourself of this:
The sun may shine brighter, but the moon is just trying its best.

In the back of my Honda Element
a single mom of two licked the tip of my ****.
The scent of her strawberry lip gloss filled the car.
Every few seconds she'd look up at me
and smile at my ridiculous ****** expressions.
"You think I'm a ****," she said
while pressing the **** against her cheek.
"***** are courageous," I said.
"What do you mean?"
"You live the life you choose.
Other cowards live as they're told.
That makes you unique, baby. Strong."
She stared past me out the rear window
until I went mostly limp.
She then wrapped her mouth around the top half
and worked on me deep and with passion.
Sensations coursed through my body I didn't know existed,
a level of ecstasy I would never experience again.

"The world is WIDE and I travel it!
The world has a secret and I SEEK it!”,
Said I, as I sailed off one day
To follow tales of distant shores,
With untrammeled frontiers,
****** and pure!

Yielding to the demand of my disquieted soul,
“Voyage!” she cried, and I set upon my goal:
To stretch forth the extremities of my
Ambition -- to penetrate
The veil of all unknowing;
To heed to the heady lure
Of discovery,
Carried by the west wind, blowing!
The path I run will cost me years, and
I must try to go the distance.
But this is a longing for life undiluted,
Quaffed deep and savored
As a Barolo vintage,
Noble and intense.

Maps of her forbidding hinterlands were
Vouchsafed by Mariner Kings of ancient days.
I consulted the coded charts for clues, and
Configured the gilded astrolabe.
Obsession ruled my motives as I
Poured over sea-faring strategies.
The sagacious scrolls became a cypher,
Whispering exotic rumors
Of pleasures and possessions,
Steeped in rich antiquities.

My fertile mind was seized
By these boundless visions,
As the time came for our enterprise.
I shouted to my stalwart company,
“The road forward will not be forgiving,
But the rewards gained will outrageous fortune comprise!”

Our quest divided the latitudes as a
Scimitar separates flesh from bone.
My ship slashed the longitudes as we
Sought passage far from home.
My desire encircled her sensuous shape,
For she is a mistress, supple and warm.
This journey provided the means of escape, for
From the Tome of Glory these pages were torn!

Hence, joyously exulting, I made clear my claim,
“Wisdom is a treasure divine!
Adventure is the blood inflamed!”

My mad dream was unleashed and
I will always remember the day.
I was free to sail my heart’s tidal-course,
Venturing forth, far and away!

The shaman, madman, medicine man, poet, philosopher king
Could do what they willed - privilege.
Because they had the sacred connection, understanding.
They were the ones who could cure and purge.
They represent the notion of being bent for discovery,
The were the sacred - prestige.
So they, from all time, had the privilege
of being the madman genius.