dripping eyes

tearing skin

trying hard

to hurt within

because sometimes pain

is the last thing

we feel

and sometimes it is

better to feel pain

than to feel nothing

*at all

i think I want to go to sleep.
Drifting, Drifting,
Beautifly.
Softly.
Like nobody would even wake me again.
Like I would never wake again.
That's what I want.
I beg you.
Drift me to sleep, And never wake me.
Never.
To fly away, Slowly, Softly, Just bouncing on the waves of time
That's what I want.
I don't think they can feel anymore. I think they've come too far for that.
I guess I'll never know, because today, today is the day I drift myself off and never wake.
I like to think
that I might be remembered for something other than this.
That I might be remembered for my art.
Or the way I smiled at the birds.
But I know they won't remember.
They'll just say they're sorry.
They'll just say they wished they'd done something.
But that's a lie. I'd rather just drift away then believe that.
I pray to drift me away softly, Boucing on the riverbed.
I hope nobody ever finds me, I don't want to be found.
I want to be hidden away in the folds of the earth, to stay buried and blanketed by the world.
Without a distrupion in sight, I want to lay, covered by sound and time.
But I can't want anymore. And I won't want anymore.
It's time to do.
I think I want it to be beautiful.
I want to jump off a cliff, and for that one moment, to be suspended in time, freefalling but really not falling at all.
Soaring.  
Above it all, Above emotion and conciousness.
I just want to float in time, So they all forget about me.
So I can stay forever blanketed in the world's folds.
Just me, and whatever is on the other side.
Just promise you won't forget me.
Promise.

The walls of my heart,
they clench me in.
The voices in my head,
they tell me the worst things I've always read.
The words I hear,
they're the things that I always fear.
The dinner I ate,
I let them find their way back up.
The ink in my wrists,
I watch them flow from thin lines.
The fear I feel,
they make the monsters real.
The anxiety I feel,
it overwhelms me.
The things I feel,
they make me hate me.
they make me loathe me.
they **** me.

my heart is always hurting.
sadness consumes my thoughts.
im sick of seeing smiling people
who's minds are pure from demons.
they will always be stronger than i ever was
and i think thats why i can never smile
because i know that i'll never be good enough.

Buy me ripped skinny jeans
And feed me LSD
Maybe then I'll be happy

Earlier this night I traveled down memory lane
Please call my friend Mary Jane
She'll help me forget

I'm in this ****** life I know I'll never win
Unless I get my veins full of heroine  

I don't even know how to keep myself sane
Without a hit of *******

All I ever wanted was to leave behind a legacy
But the thing is I no longer feel the ecstasy
That's supposed to be lingering in my ways

I'm in no position to pretend that I'm holy
Especially when I'm always seen
With my good friend Molly

Cause who am I to avoid all this
I'm just a sad lonely teen
Feeling psychedelic

Isn't always the teenage dream
It's when people tell you that it's ok to be you
Well, unless of course, if you're a part of the LGBTQ
It's when you get the overflowing sense of libido
And most of the time you feel inferior
Your parents are wrong, you feel like you hate them
You talk to people you call friends
Even though sometimes you want nothing to do with them
You think you're in love with this boy
But really it's lust
You break the rules
You're breaking loose
Because remember the time you were 8
And wanted to be a teenager?
Well, this isn't what you expected
Isn't it?

I wake up in the middle of the night
Cold sweat covering my body

I stay too long in the shower
Because I cry

I try too hard to fit in and to be liked
Because I wouldn't want to sit alone during lunch

I try to be funny
So that people will notice me

I try to be smart
So my parents will be proud of me

I try to be sensible
So my siblings will look up to me

I try not to be so sad
So I don't feel the urge to pick on my skin
So I don't cut open my skin
So I don't see blood coming out of me

But I end up giving in anyways
Because I'm human

I end up being a shame
**Because I'm human

As I write you this poem
I know it'll never be read
But remember how I tried to fix you
From the hurricane state she left you
I picked out the shards of the broken glass
That she left in your heart
Once you thought you were fine
You then left me in a state of hurricane
I picked back up your broken shards
And pressed them gently into my heart
Pleading you to fix me
Why did you leave me

I cannot think of any words or shall I say I cannot write anything
My mind is sophisticated and hollowed by so many blocks
To write is the right choice
To match the uncertain things continuously will just brush my thoughts
And I
Hope I could just paint the misery I have
And draw a dots in your face
And trace the constellations above and
if it's easy in that way
Maybe I could choose the exact thoughts that I really should convey unto you
But how about the sadness?
The bitterness?
The loneliness?
Will I escape this darkness ahead of time?
Please tell me the truth
Or I'll scream your name to death.