When it’s finally quiet  
I can’t help but hear  
The pained melodies
My soul sings to me

Dust, dust, infernal dust:
Mocked! Mortality mocked!
Toil, toil, burdensome toil,
procrastinator born.

I don't see, it's still clean.
I don't see, I don't care.
I don't see, just the wind.
Oh no! Now I see,
I cannot unsee, woe is me!

Dust, dust, infernal dust,
with vacuum be gone!
Toil, toil, burdensome toil,
Adam's curse, is there no escape?

You were never
there. The gentle
hum of sugar.

On the tables
are magazines
but they’re blind in
the dark. White coats
and expensive
ties in and out.

You were never
there. The last gasp
unheard before
the vanishing
tone. Wrinkles.



-
by Aleksander Mielnikow (Alek the Poet)

Loving someone so much that you turn a blind eye to the fact that he/she can’t do the same.

Exhausted frustration of courting someone every single day with the knowledge that it cannot work out. Getting signs here and there but you cannot determine whether it’s a warning for a dead end or a motivational pill; either way, you ignore it. The assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Trusting in something you cannot explicitly prove. A feeling not returned.

Having the behavior that shows a lack of good sense and judgement. Possessing the epitome deportment of the top-notch quality of being stupid; yet, you disregard. Bombarded with voices that complain, disdain of you being hard. Befalling instances that shout JUST QUIT ALREADY; yet, you continue. You stop for their faint of eye, resume afterward.

Loving something so much that you turn a blind eye to the fact that it can’t do the same.

The unrequited sanity, leaving you high and dry.


And yes, this is not a letter about love.

a knife slipping between the bones,
the news stabs, slices, straight through
to my heart.

utter denial. it cannot be so.

how can order be restored?
where are the checks and balances?
how can the world lose such a beautiful person?

you are a whirlwind of love
the queen of silliness,
always ready to strike a pose
promising great solemnity
with newspaper in hand
whilst all around people dance

you are an excitable puppy,
forever leaping into the unknown with two feet
and, always, a smile.

you are enthusiasm personified
a metaphor for life itself.
charming and enchanting,
kind and ever-loving,
patient and loyal.

utter denial. it cannot be so.
I will miss you more than you could ever know.

Dear ex lover...

Our love was water
Refreshing but it left me needing more to survive
The words you spoke were intoxicating
I became easily addicted
Our relationship ended a year ago
I'm still thinking about you
I shouldn't have left
You loved me more than yourself
Showed tenderness and compassion
This letter was supposed to be an im thinking of you
Not that I still love you
I miss you
Do you miss me still?

Love
Your girl


no no...


Dear ex...

Why must you run through my mind
Dipping into the inner pools of my serendipity
Night fall brings no comfort
As I rest my eyes for a deep slumber
I'm still startled awake by remnants of a 3 am phone call
Waiting to see missed call displayed across a bright screen
And a voice mail engaging in another pointless fight you created
Please leave a message after the....
Baby wake up
You're supposed to answer
I'll be waiting for you to come over
I need to find sweet release
Give me what I need
Or else there'll be hell to pay
My memories of you have a few genuinely blissful moments
But those are over shadowed by gruesome visuals and agony
I stuck through everything you did
So I wouldn't have to hear how worthless i was
And that I wouldn't find better than you
I stuck around hoping that I could admire the roses wrapped in a walmart bag
only to realize it would only be one time I received them
because you had to
and they were the result of a heartfelt apology
that would cut deeper than the thorns
I held too tightly
crying over the hatred I felt for you
as blood darker than the red roses trickled down my ivory skin
I hate you
but I will always hate myself more


With regards
Your ex


no no....


Dear abuser....
This will be the final draft of the several letters I ripped up in the trash
You don't deserve it
But you kept invading my peace
So here's what you wanted
Here's your ******* closure


I loved you
Before you turned into the demon you swore you never would
Because a man that calls himself a Christian would never do what you did to me right?
Stories were told of girls you damaged
Why was I so naive to believe they were lies
It was that cunning smile and sugar coated words
Making a man that could do no wrong in public
But a monster behind closed doors
Proving the stories weren't lies

You showed me love wasn't one found in movies
It was never going to be a fairytale I longed for
No
Love was shown when my clothes were off and I was submissive
Still knowing the touch of your coarse hands
Running across my skin when a slight breeze hits the air
I've scrubbed my skin raw with hopes I wouldn't but to no prevail
Love was holes punched in the dry wall above my head
Love was loving what my body over my mind had to offer
You told me love was ***
But *** never meant love
Love wouldn't leave me shaking alone in your bed
Hoping the door didn't fly open in rage
That i forgot to say good morning
Scared whether the day would bring a fake happiness
Or
Knowing our true love was another fist to the gut
With tears flowing out of mascara blackened eyes
As you took what you wanted
Again
Again
Again
Pleading intensified your lust
Tears got you off
My pain was only valid when it was able to make you gleam
Your true smile was only shown with my back pressed against a hard box spring
I love you was only whispered when you were finished
But don't get me wrong that was love....

Sincerely
Shelby