I'm not afraid to **** myself
What I'm scared of is what happens if it doesn't work out
But I'm doing this and hoping it works.

Mom, I'm sorry I couldn't be everything you wanted out of a daughter. You probably wanted a smart, pretty and elegant daughter and you were delivered this sack of ****. I'm sorry that you'll have to clean up my one last mess. I'm sorry that you'll never understand. I'm sorry I could never 'try' as much as you'd like. I love you always, and forever.

Dad, with you I'm always at a loss for words. You and I have a special bond and when I think of you I think of my likes and interests. My music is heavily influenced by you. Thanking you for showing me what good music is. Thank you, I love you. Sorry.

Bryan, My step dad. You have been here to watch me grow up for the past 5 years and thats cool, I'm sorry it wasnt as what you must have expected. I'm sorry. Please take good care of mom and River. I love you

Diana, My step mom. You are literally mommy number 2. I've known you for 10 years. You have guided me into adult hood. You all did great. I love you.

Please don't think this was any of your faults. You will do great with R and K, you did great with me. This is just a flaw within myself. No amount of medication and counselling could fix this. I past the point of help. After 7 years there scars are too deep to reverse.

My aunt and godmother. You helped me out so much. I love you and I'm sorry you saved all this money for college for me to go throw it away with a few too many pills.

To everyone, I'm sorry. You'll have to go to my funeral, you will feel obligated. But don't go unless you actually cared. I know I won't physically be there but I want to know who would've been there.

Anyways, I'm sorry. This time it will work.

it's all just a big game of
russian roulette
and i'm running out of empty barrels



-k.l.

I would shower in two hundred degree water if I thought that it would get your touch off of my skin
I would dive into the coldest ocean in the world if it would freeze my brain just enough to forget you for a few minutes
I would shred every inch of my skin if it would somehow take away the pain I feel in my heart and my head
But that's the thing...
I can't detach from your grasp
My brain wouldn't forget you in a million years
And I have to bear the pain that feels like a thousand pounds sitting on my heart
Just because you left me

My heart dwells within your fingers
I feel punctures as the grip gets tighter
The warmth of your psalm is comforting though
The blood pumping through your veins fiercely
Squeezing the blood out of my already severed heart
But I know its the last time we'll ever be so close
Even though you've given me my death sentence

I'm on a deathbed without you here
1095 days
Today would've made three years
You gave me a gift on Christmas
The gift of leaving me
Oh what a painful thing
I wonder what I did wrong
And I'm trying to move on
But I can't
I clinged to the one thing that made me happy
And destroyed me all at once
My heart whimpers at the thought of you
You can feel her hands around your waist
And I can feel them around my neck

The spaces between us are filled by smoke
and pools of blood
you inhale poison
while I bleed out my exhales
our broken pieces,
fitting together like shards of glass
tragic back stories,
nights spent on the phone
you say you love me
but i know the lighters come first
I tell you we are perfect together
but my razors kiss my skin
instead of your lips
I know you love her
even though she sees the bottom of the pipe
while I see your eyes
baby you are better then the tar at the end of a blunt
**** it,
if it takes a gallon of superglue,
and a million packs of cigarettes
I swear to you, we will be okay.

and she cried
completely alone again

ugly red letters carved into her skin



-k.l.

i must be allergic to kindness
because i don't receive any
i must be a pathetic loser
because my blades are my only friends
i must be lonely and alone
because i am always ignored
i must be dead
because i feel nothing but numb

i must be skinny
because i don't eat, right?

wrong



-k.l.