blood is thicker than water,
this will never change the facts:
they are that i do not like you,
that i do not love you,
that i do not want you around me;
i am expected to call you my brother,
when all you did was abuse me,
my mind, my body, my rights;
broken, violated, harmed by the brute force of you and your ego,
and yet, you still have the audacity to come to my face,
break down saying that you do not feel you have a family,
invalidate the trauma and boundaries you penetrated,
destroyed, slain, and act as if they do not exist,
simply because you wish to tell me that,
you are the one who is upset because i do not want to talk to you,
you are the one who is upset because you feel you can't say the name of my so-called brother who only traumatized me the same,
if only,
if only,
if only, you could learn to even understand why --
but, this will never change the facts:
that is i know you are incapable of admitting or realizing the truth.
that is i whimpered, hoped, and shouted,
to anyone who would listen
that the truth was supposed to set me free.
what does it mean to have a family
without ever validating or knowing
what all they ever did was abuse you?
i will cope & live on regardless.
(just a rough draft of a quick vent
a practice of repetition, made for coping...!)
