Before it occurred to me to break things—

Before, when purity was paramount to *** and
Words and duty and the drink—

Before, when academics wagged from ivory
Thrones to never mime the masters—

To be content with being only me—

To sit in wood and ruminate upon the thoughts of
White men, drunk and dead—

To raise revision for our mankind
In merely muted measures—

To be right-handed rogue, forever plying “please”—

Why then—then—

I was Halfman in a wholeman’s body,
A fish without its gills—

A flapping Fop of scaling incongruities
With gurgled protestations seldom bubbled up—

A wily Portraiter, blinded since his birth—

An agnostic Abbott soaking up a season’s sins
Outside of habit and the church—

A boisterous Beat, a bouncing drum, and gongs
With two left feet—

A Farmer without a *** or seed or farm
Or Nature much in mind.

But, my curious greenhorns on the other
Side of life, don’t heed that—no! no!

You’re free; the world is completely broken now.

i still taste your sticky sweet nectar on
my lips from the time you released your
seed onto my perfect *******,
then you traced your fingertips onto
my precious flower and tasted my sweet honey, watching  it drip from your fingertips
as you plastered your mark into my sweet flower--
my breathing becoming shallow from the sensations, thoughts scattered , close to the threshold before a beautiful release of ecstasy .
A perfect deflowering carved into my memory.

nothing

what am i

that

just that

i feel it

real

deep

under the skin

above my scratched fingernails

that smell like your smell

your baggy clothes

oh

they hide you

and your shapes

like a secret

of a friend

stabbing a friend

in the back

you don’t wanna say it

you’d rather staple your tongue

right beneath

the bottom edge of your

speaking terms

listen

your knees

crack

again

like the bones

of the dead

like mine

maybe i am dead

i didn’t

ever

think that i

would make it

all the way here

why are you a secret?

you want me

to peel all those layers

off

like a smiling face

scattered teeth

breaking those corners

where saliva gets solid

and my dream fade

i lose focus

i gain focus

on that cage

those white chains

of fabric

that hold you and your skin

in place

but you slide on the floor

you jump

from one side to the other

for me

you break yourself apart

for me

but it’s too late

i’m broken

i broke myself for you

orange, yellow

too many days wasted

keep on sliding

next to me

let yourself dangle

above this concrete marble

we call ground

point a gun

at my face

with your hands

form that shape

the one that’s gonna **** me

just like when

you decide to agitate

your crown

your throne

your body

i stop seeing sides

it all gets modern

contemporary social

vertical

like I can only stare

at the broken drama

of your fading

skinny

ribcage

oh you do

you lift that shirt up

it’s lined up

like a zebra

i feel your skin getting dirtier

at every single step you take

around my wooden room

the lights flicker

it always has

but is feels like

it’s flickering

in a different movement

it gets blue

my hands go up

they slide

around your slippery legs

you keep on running away

you can’t move like you wish

but i promise

if you could

if only you could

see yourself

and how your hands attract energy

you would

most probably

fall in love

with yourself too

isn’t it cold

with that belly button

ripped apart?

ready

where do those shoulders go?

how does that hair move like that?

i’ve seen unimaginable things

in life

i’ve seen many

i can’t find a meaning

to who i am

and why

but you

the camera flashed

you scream

cute

it echoes

around the room

we pass out

on a couch

still humming some

the sun’s dropping

on wires

hanging

through shoes

theown away

i wanna write

all of your letters

around my eye

i glitter

with bubbles

with teeth

golden

of diamonds

like moon

jumping up and down

in a sad

abandoned park

of fear

and abandonment

i told you

who i was

before

i swung

my gun

around

my car

filled with greenery

it’s growing beneath

my pink hair

and your lush

collar

for me to entice

to anticipate

to think about

as i’m scattered around your living room

on the floor

torn to pieces

blown away

in spikes

to the wind

it’s like

all the times

we traveled

we felt through something

i stared

at your skin

in a towel

through a balcony

the eiffel tower in lingerie

a gust of the ocean

out

let’s go all out

baby

we can

fall

through all those doors

those gothic windows

those old phones

straighten ourselves

our eyebrows

military

eyeshadows

lighs

they chase us

but we’re falling in

barefoot on

thumbtacks

on fire

a carpet

made of glass

roses

it felt all real

you felt real

if it was a lie

lie to me again

i wanna be lied to

i’d go through

a cup of scolding tea

for your running

by the sea

to come close

for your lipstick

to bend around my clothes

for the smell of your tears

next of kin

your legs closing in

skin to skin

I wish I could have met myself
At this age
When I was a little girl
I wonder if I would
Have liked who I've become
Would I speak to this adult
And find a resilient strength
Or would I see through
The bulletproof glass
Straight to her insecurities
Would she laugh and
Find me funny
Or pity the deflections
Would I stand beside her
And think
This is who I want to be