. ****** toss block
(evergreen  with enzymes)
  irks the mucus membranes

C                                                                ­                           R
          L                                                    ­               E
                      U                T
                      ­                                            T
Clutter in my Room
Clutter in my mind
I stare at the piles unsure of where to start
Every item I pick up brings waves of anxiety so I move to another
but one thought plucked brings two more to the surface
Anxious overthinking and worrying about made up familial death
I.
Don't
       Know
                How
                           To
                                  Be
                         ­               Better...
My shovel is hitting stone, convinced I'll find gold
Day by day, stuck in the mundane waring with flesh and spirit
The solution should be easy but its not

And the guys I want don't want me
And I'm writhing in my bed in agony over my disfigured figure
Staring at the fun house mirror with my grey-tinted glasses
Uneven curves and lumps.

And I question the way others see me
I question conversations
I question intentions as actions fail to follow the spoken
And I feel so so alone

Support beams rotting
I'm passing through with the cold
I don't feel like a blessing
I'm nothing special
I just feel so isolated
Surrounded by clusters of people and I don't have the courage to walk up to one without feeling like a foreigner in my second home.
and when I do it is just as easy to abandon the attempt
I'm the last student in a game of team-up glancing around to see who chance has left me with...I never thought this feeling would continue well into my twenties...

And I know its all just the chemicals but no man will ever understand how this feels and no woman either...
So old and still feeling like a kid who never outgrew the growing pains.
It still hurts. All the **** time.

a twisted stomach
chemical nervousness
this city heave     dawning

Just a few dollars a month and we’ll make it go away,
Just take one with water at the start of every day,
In the same way you wake up every day,
These pills will be here, leading you every step of the way,
Out of the darkness, and into the light,
Then back to the darkness, where the symptoms lie,
Waiting,
To tear your mind apart,
To drive you crazy,
To weaken your heart,
But there’s no need to worry,
We have more pills if these ones don’t work,
So just take these and wait,
Until there comes the day,
That the meds stop working, so the doctor comes to say,
“There’s nothing more we can do, but we do invite you to stay,
We have a spot with Kathy, over in room 3A,
She screams at night, but it will be okay,
You’ll get used to it.
Now, we won’t really listen to you,
We have more important things to do,
Than to comfort a crazy mental issues,
But it’ll be okay.
So, what do you say?”

spilled butane from a refilled lighter
heat lightning in the humid air
cigarette butts in a ***** cupholder

— not sure if this is still your number. part of me hopes it isn’t.

hand-me-down jeans that don’t fit anymore
bleach fume-induced headaches
burnt plastic setting off the fire alarm

— i’m leaving soon. i won’t promise i’ll be back.

overgrown grass from 8 days of rain
singed skin over a candle’s flame
rotting meat at the bottom a trash can

— death doesn’t discriminate. i know that now.