So many words that seem so morose
Line after line of sadness
In these dark phrases, we do engross
Our emotions will turn to madness

So for a small moment, let’s think of what life really contains
Away from this swirling devotion
If that’s all we focus on we’ll all go insane
Let’s deviate from all this commotion

Outside it’s sunny and even if it’s not,
Imagine you’re inside and cosy
Sipping cocktails by the sea while it’s hot,
Laughing until your cheeks are rosy

Sand between toes
The smile of a stranger
A bubbling creek flows
With no grief and no danger

Chocolate and ice cream and sugar and spice,
Sunglasses and flowers and everything nice,
These little things should all suffice,
To make your eyes glow, away from the **vice

"I am not a gifted faker like you"
I remember those words each time I see you

You said it so casually and forgot.
But never did it ever leave my heart!

To you it seemed like I could be 2 different persons
Inwardly I know how much courage it took me so.

Can I wear my heart on the sleeve for the world to see?
Is this what you want me to be, bare all for you?

Life is not been the same, since those days, I swear
I will not return to those memories of hurt again.

I fake it because, I need to make it through another day
You are here today, and somewhere else you'll be tomorrow

But I need to go on living and cannot stop for you.
You cannot take that away from me, my desire!

My dreams, my hopes, my ambitious are all I have
Paper boats and pipe dreams you may call it
But it is still my very own, my identity and a part of me

You on the other hand, outsider, stood by and smiled on
Never took the courage to dig deeper.
Shallow it may be for you
Afraid the road was steeper
A mess you never wanted to deal with
A part you never wanted to play.

Hence, I moved on, put a bright face and cheered on
Stronger you made me by your test
Till I could stand apart
from my feelings and look at it like the rest
I am fool to take you so seriously
You were having fun at my expense
Hence now, I can fake it and make believe
I can see it affects you now,
Why is it not the old me?

My lids peel back slow to let another
weary day tackle me to the floor.
I push aside overbearing blankets
and shuffle down an empty hallway
into another more bare than afore.
Dragging my feet seems to require
more power than I had thought before.

Nothing but dark rooms ahead await
dully lit by open ‘fridgerators
that make monster shadows of purple,
frightening paintings that taunt Fate.
The shifting faces mock chance of late.

My reveries halt to disturbance that
a noise from somewhere below brings out.
I breathe deeply in as hope fills me-
a hope of the promise of a frozen mouth.

I think in that breath it is you I hear
rumbling and padding ‘round down the stairs
and I tell myself I am right, for it has to be you;
if it is not, no one else seemingly cares.
Morning breaks open the torment of day
like a ripped wound exposed to salty air.

I swallow back like every day the tears;
wrap myself up in old, cold sit-coms
and warm blankets to banish my fears.
Force myself to endure the hefty bombs
showered at my skull like a falsified norm.

The house lies vacant, in wait of you,
haunted by memories etched on paling skin.
Pacing remains the only thing I can do
to strain against the barrage of pins.

As always, I grin and I jump and I wave
so everyone can see just how brave
I am.
         I am.

But I can’t be anymore
and the salt-water behind my eyes
screams to exit the pores.
I can’t hold them in much longer
and I’m all out of supplies
that keep me stronger
                                      than I am.

I’ve run out of the fog
that my brain runs on, and
my heart condones.

       I have painted on a clown-smile
       and I'm quelled inside, flat.
All that is left in me now
is a crushed can of cola
shoving hard at my ribcage.

I am waiting still and know for sure
all will be as it was in times of yore.

The other day I looked in the mirror,
That is when life became more clearer.
Yes, the mirror showed me the gospel truth,  
Mystery was solved, by the mirror, the sleuth.

The scars on the skin seemed to fade away,
The soul opened doors to the clandestine cache.
The dazzling light bouncing out of me,
Made me gasp in ecstasy and glee.

As tears trickled down my cheek,
I realised it is me keeping myself weak.
When the reflection in mirror is only mine,
How, because of someone else, I can then whine?

The happiness erupting through my soul,
The hope and will once again make me whole.
The mirror shows me who I am,
Anyone who jeopardises my way, will get a wham.

The mirror shows me myself on the stage,
Giving a success speech, wearing a gown of beige.
My strength centres in me once again,
Determination comes, that now efforts won’t go in vain.

I see the talented beautiful myself,
I can do it, I just need my own help.
I promise the me in mirror, to never again be broken,
I promise the reflection, to achieve even the unspoken.

Pathway to life is criss-crossed,
To succeed, obstacles need to be in trash tossed.
The other day I looked in the mirror,
That is when life became more clearer.


-Jahanvi Goyal
05/07/2014

You will learn how to sleep alone
how to avoid the cold corner but still fill a bed
always be friends with the broken people
they will teach you how to survive
you can love someone and hate them
all at once
you can
i have
you can miss them so much you ache
but still
ignore your phone when they hall
ignore them in the hall
You are good at something
whether it's making someone laugh or saying hello
don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't matter
you will always be hungry for love
always
even when someone is sleep next to you
you will envy the pillow touching their check
you will yearn for a love much bigger than you or i or him or her
you want a love of a higher power and a long life
you want serenity
and you want heaven
you want love
and life
and light

Loud cheers for clouds
That bring us rain and flowers
of showers that drench us