I am a woman, but no ordinary one
Beautiful, talented, cheerful and young
Everyone admires me
But they don't know about me.
I got dark past and I am being haunted by it everyday.
I need someone.
I need a savior.
I need love.
And then I fell in love.
All i think of is him.
I know he's weak.
And yet I chose him.
I can do anything for him.
Even ****.
I can. I will. I must.
I'll do it for him, for us.
And yet at the end of the day, still I can't get him?
Still, he doesn't love me.
Why?
Why did it turn out like this?
I was broken.
And yet I chose to fight 'till the end.
Is this all worth it?
I don't know.
I don't want to ask.
I will just do what I can.
With this broken heart I will love.
With this ****** mind I will learn,
With this fragile hand I will fight.
For you.
For me.
For us.

---Shakazaqui 11-27-17

Sometimes I wonder of things that could be,
Things of old made new into realities,
No longer trapped in my infinite dreams,
Appearing as distant as the marvelous beams,

Holding my life together, carrying my shame.
I may have lost hope but never the gain,
Of experiencing fear and holding it close,
If you’ve faced risk then you’d know what I know.

Sometimes I think of the matters at hand,
If they matter to me all that much.
But nothing involves me so why try to touch,
The poison that fills me whenever I blush?

I don’t know of options, never had freedom.
Unsure of character or, just lack of good reasons.
But this I know and this I will share,
The moments of fear that only I can tear.

the curtains rise and all i can think about are the rows of faces that i know nothing about and the pressure of putting on a good show
my body moves according to muscle memory as the music starts to play

don't miss your cue
don't miss your cue
don't miss your cue

i hit each note and beat as needed, but that's just the first scene
you come up on stage once again the same time i do
and you look at me the way you were instructed to do so

don't break character
don't break character
don't break character

i deliver the lines as i'd internalized for
but little do you know i'm dying inside
we're told to look eye to eye for this one song
and i slide my fingers through the spaces between yours

don't fall in love
don't fall in love
don't fall in love

i braced myself for the last few notes of the song, but i braced myself even more for the reality that is to come once the curtains come down

i approach you offstage with every intention to tell you what i feel
but i miss my cue

i put on a strong face to show i'm not hurting
but i break character

i told myself i wouldn't let my feelings get in the way
but i fell in love

she's an island;

pale as the ocean mist
veiling the rugged shoreline.
with chubby freckled cheeks
framed by coppery red curls,
lashed up in fishtail braids,
or left loose in the salty breeze,
falling down to her shoulders,
broad and wind-weathered.

her laughter is the crash
of waves on the dock.
or the roar of the eastern winds,
that scour the northern seas.

Like a thief in the night,
It steals all of my things,
Searching for joy,
Parts never to be seen.

Like a thief waiting to ****,
It waits for its chance,
Not moving a muscle,
Completely still.

Like a thief in my life,
It steals my character,
It ruins my sight,
Clouding reasons behind why I try.

Like a thief in desperation,
It will steal them for ransom,
Being susceptible to the temptation,
Unaware of the reigning phantom.

Like a thief of my heart,
It begins its deception,
Always taking part,
Destroying perception.

Like a thief of the cold,
It makes you unable, old,
Instead of bluffing you’re forced to fold.
Wishing of poverty being foretold.

Like a thief in the day,
It turns your vibrant colors
Into,
Gray.

I have a bracelet made of black leather and a metal ring.
I've had it for two years.
I remember the day I first decided to wear it,
and I never took it off.

That bracelet became a part of me as I went through
family troubles and loneliness and the fact that
my friends were never my best friends.
But I will never forget my bracelet that stuck with me,
regardless of the circumstance.

It has been two years, and my bracelet is frayed
and tattered, but that metal ring still holds both ends together.

That metal ring, able to cope with all of that time,
held together probably one of the only things that
truly gave me character.

It wasn't about how that bracelet looked on me,
but rather what it resembled.

The black leather can no longer stay together,
and one day...

It fell off my wrist.

I will never be able to wear that perfect bracelet

ever

again.

Through the frigid landscape I traveled
To be greeted by luminescence, a blizzard of warmth
And a kind spirit with a silver pelt

The sun that nurtures my frozen heart
Thaws the ice that stings its cask
For I knew what its future held