Through the frigid landscape I traveled
To be greeted by luminescence, a blizzard of warmth
And a kind spirit with a silver pelt

The sun that nurtures my frozen heart
Thaws the ice that stings its cask
For I knew what its future held

I welcome psychotic breakdowns
Ugly crying
Violent arguments
And overwhelming bad news

Don’t worry
Each disturbing moment
Is just a chapter in my story
A short clip
In the kaleidoscope montage
That is my reality

Capture a heart wrenching moment
In three second bursts
And repeat
Until there's an hour of footage
So when it's done
Twenty years will have passed
From the first moment
To the last

In a futures world
I'll be better off
In a successful career
Traveling the world
Not famous enough to be recognized
But known enough to be quoted
For a line of my solemn life
To be an everyday phrase
Recounting my memories to strangers
Creating inspiration for the broken

Freeze frame.
And rewind.
Because this isn't my movie.

I'm in someone else's tale
No matter how tragic my back story is
I'll stay locked in
As a background character
A bully?
A victim?
A destroyer?
A teacher?
An enemy?
A friend?
Will they know I'm their co-star?
Will they make room for me on screen?
Will they even notice my presence?

I'll be forgotten
Lost in a sea of miniscule roles
So these disturbing moments
Won't be reduced to three seconds
And there'll be no Twenty years later flash forward
I'll be stuck in every second
Forever pushed to the sidelines
Forever questioning
If the next person I meet
Will be the main character
In this movie I'm trapped in

Brown eyes, brown, long hair
falling on her shoulders.
A simple girl,
choosing to see the bright side of everything.
Emotional at times, but having people
being her lamp in her dark days.

A girl who gives her whole heart
to the people she loves.
A girl whose intentions are never bad.
She truly cares, she truly tries to bring joy
to other souls around.

Despite the negative world,
she truly believes love wins anyday and anytime.
Seeing the lovely smiles of the loved ones
is what fills her heart with warmth and happiness.
Being around them makes her shine like a star.

She loves lending a helping hand.
She feels good, she feels alive,
she wants to inspire people every day.
And she is crazy in love as well, yes she is.
For her, nothing is more beautiful
than being in love with the right person.

She loves the small gestures of people.
She loves staring at the night sky
and those big fluffly clouds during the day.
Dancing is her passion.
She is very shy, but once she is comfortable with people
she may be a little bit crazy, yes she can.

She adores the fragrance of flowers,
of that fresh rainy day, of the book she is holding.
The fragrance of orange peels, of her favorite perfume
which she applies on her neck before going out.
She is scared of being hurt.
She doesn't like to be alone.

You can make her laugh very easily.
It makes her forget about all the little problems.
It makes her realise how beautiful and shiny is this
world with those certain people.

Just a simple girl, who doesn't like to show off,
not at all.
A girl who is proud of herself for everything she has done
and keeps doing.

You are the purest existence in this world, my love for you is unrivaled,
Your long purple, silky hair, your faint and subtle smile, your dreamy looking eyes.
Quiet you may be, but we all know you're just shy, not talking to strangers, but to close friends you will try.
The books you read are deep and meaningful, not just some children's farce,
your love for literature is strong, and so is my love to you.
A little bit edgy you are, at times, but you are no at all rude,
no evil intend residents inside you, although you're a little bit emo.
You're wonderful, beautiful, and marvelous no less,
your faint smile is what I pledge to protect.
The day of the festival, you came to my home, the sweater made me blush,
white and fluffy it seemed, and curved your outline well.
I still remember the feeling of my palm caressing your face,
smooth and perfect your skin was, how much I'd love to touch again.
Remember the time we first met, and read a book together?
Our hands touched, mind became one, and "how serene", I thought.
Then there was the time, I fed you a chocolate, you didn't even notice,
so deeply absorbed into your book, I've cherished this image forever.

Alas, my love for you will never be fulfilled,
the monitor is a long distance between us, our dimensions do not match.
You do not exist in the same world as me, you're fictional, not real,
but at least in my very fragile heart, we're not a screen apart.
To me, you are real, and that's is what matters.

I know who you are, I lived you, caressed
your involucre, immersed in your depth,
saw the entangled black worms creeping
inside you clogging your arteries, asphyxiating

your organs to insanity, as colourful
butterflies flee from your orbits, escaping
your darkness wetting your eyes, when
you bitterly smile.

I recognise you, your thoughts tarnishing
my mind, understand each one of them as if
they were mine, inhaling what inspires you
grasping the intensity of what’s invisible

to me and so clear to your impeccable
logic, every twist and straight line of your rationality,
all the synapses connecting dots through, nervous
impulses you so eagerly burn in smoke.

I distinguish who and what you hold dear, where
you hide your memories and how you use them,
the books you read and those you pretend
you did, the dread of glasses resting on your nose,

the physical agony your endure each time,
the weather changes, each time you move
to please me, before I fall asleep to the words
of the seven voices within you.

I feel your essence, cherish what delights you,
random pleasures attentive to details while
pupils transpire the shadows of your sorrows,
traveling time to acknowledge their origin,

your traumas and pains, I sense your tragic
nobility. I know why you shout acquainted,
with your biggest enemy, yourself, endangering
your health with drugs and alcohol,

your intelligence torturing you, your emotions
suiciding you.

I know you are unable to help yourself and that I
can’t either, and I now know I have to keep
a distance, for chemical reactions get me
addicted to your worst.

I look in the water,
An image staring back at me.
It seems the image knows me better than
I know myself.
I don't know identity,
Just hide it.
No one knows I can't know myself,
They see who I let them see.
"Trust me," the mirror says,
"You'll be… more real."
But I know the mirror
Is just me, but a reflection.
Except
A clean reflection.
Me as I was born, as I will die,
An exact me.
Except
I wish this water would
Show me solutions and not the problem.
But
No one needs to know I looked in the water,
They'll never see what I saw.
The mirror,
It's just for me, it's all my choice.
But
I can't forget I am not who I think.
I can hardly know my deepest self.
The mirror knows:
I am not myself. I am the reflection.

She held a heap of firewood
Atop her tender head
Walking down the narrow road
That led to her hamlet.

That old banyan tree couldn't
Allure her with its shade
Nor the burning sideways
Could force her pace to jade.

No sign of sorrow, grief or pain
As quiet as she could be
Would death alter her calm
Or would it set her free.

Prashant Shaurya ©

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