No1 BPO
Each call centre says they’re the best
They never say they’re number 2
Always number 1 in their own way
Is this in most collected revenue?
Or number of employees?
Or with the most offices?
Each call centre says No1
The same saying by them all
Can’t they say something new?

Together
Metrix love them hate them
Top box CSAT bottom box DSAT
What makes or breaks a rep
Or Team Leader or support
Your stats are my stats
My stats are your stats
We’re in this crap together
The call centre job
Love it hate it do it together
Top or bottom never middle

Skankers

The leads were crap only getting 0.3 chance of a sale

They were ***** leads that no other shop wanted

So they gave them us to call 42 and 76 ***** leads

He thought 42 ***** was worse than 76 *****

He got 5 DNCs in a row here was swore and threatened

He dialled the leads 10 times a day both 42 and 76

The 76 ***** leads got Brian a gold contact

A different person handled the phones

Wanted new ones send me the info right now!

He did just that and he waits for closure

So he can celebrate having a 25 user sale

Each user will give him 1000 pesos

That’ll be 25k to spend on beer tattoos

Food hookers flying hiking and more

Oh for more ***** leads what blissful joy!

The call centre rep/was branded on his top arm/it hurt for six months

Things Change
Because a rep in the BPO becomes a supervisor then manager
This doesn’t give them the right to belittle other support and reps
Especially bullying and using bad words or snide comments
This upsets agents and makes them feel bad and perform worse
Plus it alienates them from the support and makes them look bad
In front of the entire team and often call centre which is bad
Respect lost in a minute often never to return or returning forced
Call centres are hire and fire them with egotistical bosses
Reps soon learn not to care less and hop to other centres
Brian saw this and experienced it putting his experiences down
So others can read learn understand call centre work
It’s not all bad but nor is it perfect and there’s much to say
Like any other industry there are good and bad points
Only by speaking out and education will things change

Same Song
The song is the same on this account
Quite similar to the song on your account
Our beat is different you’ve more bass
The words are the same you relate
A song about a job where all isn’t fine
It was at first then it changed
The reasons don’t matter what does
Is the fact you get it my feelings
My sentiment to the bosses
Who treat us like cannon fodder
Food for the gun cash in his wallet
Way it is in a call centre high attrition
Accounts pull out others get added
Be flexible we are told time and again
Yet dealing with ******* is the same
Different account different date
Same old bosses same excuses
We’ve heard it all before!

Now Different

He once wondered if there was a rep

Who actually wore different coloured footwear?

He wondered this for years a stupid thought

And then there he was a rep in different shoes!

The rep appeared to be a narcissist by image

With one arm fully tattooed and tied back hair

An air of importance surrounded him

He wasn't a manager or boss just a rep

Not necessarily bad or arrogant he was just

Full of self-importance and something else

None of that mattered right now to Brian

What did were the different coloured pumps

One was bright yellow the other was red

Both were the same type of trainers

Not the same pair but the same make

He'd obviously swapped them around

It was the second time he saw him

And each time the rep had worn opposites

He had a quirky thing for opposite shoes

He decided he would write this poem

To remember just another rep now different

Tea Biscuits
The call centre rep turned the gal's life upside down
She was state apparatus gal married to a serving cop
The rep was a historical Soviet communist
He called the gal to see how she was his calls were ignored
It came out she fled to her relative away from the city
6 months pregnant by the red rep plus 3 kids with the cop
His calls and texts went thru to the cop did he know who was calling?
The rep the cop threatened to shoot dead for grinding his ex
Now with a lizard in her big fat belly a baby red ****** nipper
How this would enrage the cop who wants to get even and more
How will this all end best friends’ tea and biscuits?
The state apparatus gal with a lizard by a communist agent

Times Over
The Fake God gloated and said
'Hey mate I win this round and for good'
He nodded and replied yes you win here
But not for good tho I'll accept the NTE
No disputes as numbers don't lie
Yes boss I know I failed in sales
Do what you will transfer or fire me
I'll transfer you to collections
Brian went on to say why did you
Follow me four times over Asia?
I worked in Bangkok and Manila
In Pattaya and San Fernando
You stalked me the same companies
I'd get it if we were pals
You're a fair boss but not my friend
Excellent at sales better than me
Yet you scammed one time and was
Booted out on the B2B account
I went to Bankgok you followed me!
Brought your Wallflower along
It's fine I ignored you both and now
I listen to your whys on my sales
I'm not as good as you tho did ok boss
I did my best and that's fine for me
Now you transfer me to collections
Normally that would be fine
It's not now and I'll tell you why
Fake God looked surprised
He was to the point
My Time in Asia and the BPO is over
I'm off back to Germany and elsewhere
Thanx for the B2B experiences
No more calls I'm outa here
Have a nice life boss!

Big Fat 0
The rep ended the year with 0 sales
There were 10 selling reps in total
9 got sales and 1 didn’t get any
The other 9 got between 1 and 11
Number 10 rep was pegged at 0
He got 7 sales in October
And 5 in November but before then
Both August and September were 0
Why are the rep’s sales up and down?
He doesn’t know and does his best
He would have 2 or 3 but they VT failed
Verification Team issues out of his hands
He will try to close his Dec ones in Jan
He’s determined never to be bottom with 0 again