Relapse.
Is that what this is?
I’m drowning instead of breathing again.

Relapse.
Is that what this is?
Because I’m feeling more awake than alive.

Relapse.
Is that what this is?
Because I no longer have feeling inside.

Softly spoken
Insult to injury
Golden token
Lost in the vending machine

Return return I cry
Through sleepless night and morning sky
Though gods may travel past my eyes
I can not justify your sigh

Spinning in vapid decay
A vast array
Of things we lost that day
Not the same
Never was okay
Pointless without your name
Powerless without the grave
Never was okay
Or sane

A glue
A clue
Of you
Binding thoughts and words to action
Maybe if I had a fraction
Of that faith or light
An endless plight
into the night
Or the stars
I don’t want to sit at bars
Not alone at least

Briefly breathing
Words deceiving
A slight seething
Pain beneath
Or under
Not above to wonder
Or wander
Ever tired out in yonder
Ever thirsty without water
Ever thinking without ponder
Sauntering serenely

Escaping my own feet
My heart goes beneath
Not even slightly discrete
Appeasing a seemingly pleasing piece
Of sanity humanity and vanity
Calamity awaits me

i took breathing for granted
until the day you stole the
air from my lungs,

i took it for granted until
my ribs became steel traps
caging me in captive
like a threat to itself

there's nights i'll wake up
gasping in the heat of fire,
choking in the smoke and
begging for sweet oxygen.

not long ago i could breathe
without giving a thought
and the only thing that
feels right is when i cry
and what love of of red, pink
and white that you gave me
is now clear and transparent

i've gotten used to breathing
in the world this way without
your heartbeat in sync with mine

but now it's beating with the
monsters within the wall

it's beating with the monsters
within me

I forget how to breathe sometimes,
and every inhale becomes a gasp,
like my heart may stop
if I can’t control the rise and fall
of my chest.

I often count to ten, let my mind relax
between each breath and each number.
The calm is like invading sleep
as it creeps over my numb limbs,
and I wonder as my mind wanders,

is this what dying feels like?
Or is this simply the moment
we accept an outcome
we’re always too afraid
to attempt to comprehend?

Can't get enough air
Puts a smile on anyway
Skin becomes more fair
With each breath taken away

Don't look too close
You'll see through the cracks
Sadness overdose
Hidden with a mask

Tears held in
Barely holding on
Can't let the demons win
Must survive another dawn

Can't breathe
Getting faint
Too much
Too much
Can't breathe

Can't breathe

Takes the knife
Slices the skin
Maybe now the air can get in

Smiles
A real smile

Covered in blood

A last grin of relief

Maybe now I can breathe