I am sorry you met me and fell in love
If there was a way in time to go back
I would keep our paths from crossing
Spin my life on some other track

I would block our lines; save us
Before we got the chance to intersect
Tangle and destroy ourselves
I'd stop them so we could avoid being wrecked

If only we could unsee eachothers faces
Erase memory from your lips and my eye
We could have avoided this pain
The difficult task of saying goodbye

All I want to do is delete wrongdoings
Undo wicked disloyal deeds
Find a way to wipe out forces connecting us
Before your name became one of my biggest needs

I am holding the damaged remains of what's left
Shattered memories and pieces of our trust
Trying to put our romance back together
Instead I stare as it crumbles to dust

Dear manipulative boyfriend,
I'm sorry that I never stood up for myself,
or commented on your sexist remarks,
or the daily jokes about mental health
or suicide.
I see now that that was my mistake,
I just never wanted to be "that feminazi *****" you always talked about.

Dear manipulative boyfriend,
I'm sorry that my depression made me suicidal,
because I know that that was such an inconvenience for you.
And that my anxiety was so bad that I had panic attacks at the thought of you loving someone else.
I see now that that was my mistake,
because I shouldn't have had feelings too.
How stupid of me.

Dear manipulative boyfriend,
I'm sorry that I didn't understand why you wouldn't come near me,
why you could only love me on your own terms,
or why you would go for days without looking at me.
I see now that that was my mistake,
because I shouldn't have though that I deserved love.

Dear manipulative boyfriend,
I'm sorry that you talked to my best friend behind my back,
when you wouldn't even look me in the eye.
All the times that you flirted with her,
and she flirted back.
I see now that that was my mistake,
because I should have known that I wasn't good enough for you.

Dear manipulative boyfriend,
I'm sorry that you broke up with me over text,
because you were "too much of a coward" to do it in person,
while you filmed the whole thing while your friend watched,
and laughed as my heart broke.
I see now that that was my mistake,
because I shouldn't have expected anything kinder.

Dear manipulative ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry that my mental health was "just for attention",
and that I started to get better without you.
Or that I could actually laugh,
and smile,
and not hate myself for it.
I see now that that was my mistake,
I didn't deserve happiness.

Dear manipulative ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry that you had to take away the last shred of hope I had,
that dumping me and destroying my reputation was so ******* you,
that when I tried to tell our friends why I couldn't be around you,
you made them drive me to tears,
and drive me away.
I see now that that was my mistake,
I should have known that you would infect them too.
It's like you were poisonous.

Dear manipulative ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry that you turned my friends against me,
that you became violent and aggressive,
that you took out your anger about me on our shocked and confused friends,
that you thought you could treat everyone else just like you treated me.
I see now that that was my mistake,
because I should have done something to stop you before it was too late...








Dear his next girlfriend,
I'm sorry that I didn't try hard enough to show him that what he was doing was wrong,
you are strong enough to stand up to him.
I forgive you for going behind my back,
I knew it was coming from the start.
Remember that you are not alone,
and that you never really did made any mistakes,
because it wasn't your fault you were dating someone so toxic.

I love you,
and I will be here for you
when he breaks you.

You swear you're happy, are you really?
It looks like you have fallen far,
My harmful actions dethroned you,
And left you a hardened scar.

How can you gift forgiveness?
I am a deep drain at the bottom of a shower stall,
Too many insults accumulated ,
They sometimes back up but I swallow them all.

You are a boundless river,
I will have to throw in some satisfaction,
The curl of red-tipped waves crash,
I am the reflection of each careless action.

Truth hidden in monotonous glare,
Smell of disappointment and unrest,
I fell for you, you fell first,
I was the one to hear your heaving chest.

I know I need to jump the rare chance,
Show you the light inside the dark,
I have not been the best version of me,
I completely hate myself for leaving that aching mark.

I have many problems and flaws,
Sitting in the past waiting for them to self-correct,
You lost your sanity dealing with issues,
I never learned how to nurture; only neglect.

We dizzied eachother spellbound,
I am unsure if I bring you more joy than pain,
I am trying to clear our stormy skies,
In the meantime we will dance in the rain.