Like a cell drawing in pure water, rejecting unnecessary, undesirable molecules.

Like a virus spreading multiplying, taking over with vigor and tenacity.

Like the bubbles on the burbling lips of a toddler, growing and popping and dripping.

Like a ronin samurai without a lord, coming and going like the wind.

Like a thought that just won’t quit, a feeling that burrows into the bones.

Like the intensity of a fire, when a steady wind presses the seat of the fuel source.

So is my passion for life.

she goes to the beach with her shoes on -
yet longs to dip her feet in the water
the waves come crashing towards the shore, with open arms inviting her
but afraid, she steps away
only allowing the water to ever-so-slightly
kiss the tip of her shoe
a little more than the tip, and she scurries back panicked
though never turning away from the water,
she gazes still, pining with regret
oh she’s so tempted ~
as the wave ebbs, she inches towards the receding boundary
though unable to cross her own.

the wave, patient as ever, gives her another chance
and another,
lovingly,
incessantly,
it moves closer, extending its welcome
but she scurries back again
thinking about damp socks, or even worse
wet, sandy feet.
how was she supposed to get home with ease?  

distracting herself, she looks up at the night sky
though not the stars, she remembers instead their counterparts
the stars twinkling within those almond eyes -
smile brighter than the sunshine, aura peaceful like moonlight
laughter louder than crashing waves
but presence fleeting like butterflies.

what would happen if she acted too late?
unlike the waves, the smile would fade
those eyes would turn away, leaving her in the shade ~
driven with the fear of loss, she finally plunges, unafraid.

she’s in the moment, one with the sea
she can think about how to get home, only when she needs to be.

Been stressed.  Been depressed.
Been too depleted to decompress.
Had my issues and lost my way.
Lost myself trying not to stray.
Had some highs. Had some lows.
Had some smiles to put on some shows.
From sleepless nights to morning daze.
From not eating food to stress weight-gains.
I’ve had little-to-nothing to my name;
Suffered silently in my shame.
Been misvalued and disregarded,
or inconsiderably bombarded.
Been tried and been tested. Even been disrespected,
but the bomb inside still hasn’t blown.
I’ve done my part with the love I’ve shown.
If rejected or not well-received, then
shake the dust off of your feet and leave,
‘cause while the love you have for them is real,
so is loving yourself and keeping your soul at peace.

You can only do so much for others. Love yourself enough not to give up or quit. & when life hits, hit back 🥊 💛
You’ve gone far for others. Make sure to take care of yourself too. #balance #boundaries #love #peace #knowyourworth 👌🏽✌🏽

You ask me for a favor,
I said I have to decline.
When you ask why,
I feel full with pressure

Deep down I think
So I can live my life.
You push for more;
Vague details aren't enough

I feel so anxious,
Why isnt no enough?
You push harder
and I tell you I got a job.

You try to ask me what
and I say it's a secret..
It's mine to keep private
You ignore me.

Days pass until they stop,
You decided to lash out.
You accused me of things,
I feel pushed around.  

I'm tempted to tell you
Just how abrasive you are.
But I take time to process
And respond with charm.

You ignore me again,
I feel a bit burdened..
But you're so passive aggressive,
With your uncomfortable expressions

I didn't make you have kids,
I didn't tell you to run away,
I never made your choices
It's me who I obey.

It's hard for me to conceptualize the expectations you try to hide,
You're all so sneaky when you ask for my side.
When I say no, it's as if you think I'm being snide,
But all I'm trying to do is make strides.

Understanding that "no" is a full sentence for me,
Grew difficult as it was never an option, you see.
Anytime I could refuse, I would with glee,
Seeking control, even when tempted to agree.

The lack of boundaries harmed our natural bond,
I search for our connection, but when you're around, I tend to fawn.
I dislike this transactional, distant bond.

I ask for quality time and am met with fees,
Being fed a lie that your love language is acts of service, please.
Because I do nothing to help you out, it's decreed,
I must not care; I feel like a bad family member indeed.

Inhaling was suffocation
exhaling meant living
heart racing
mind numbing
it's not wanting to die
if you dont know how to live

stupid girl looking for meaning
in a place with no beginning
hot cold
in and out breaths
and you're not sure where to go next
because you were dead set on an ending
and he was somewhere over there
planning a life of solitude
You scream and fight for a goal
he's already opt out
stupid girl
you were carrying this battle like he was beside you
but didn't you hear
he says he's with you while making you a fool
agrees with you says he'll be with you
then steps on your boundaries
like they weren't there for you

You can stay and keep fighting
but you're a fool to keep going
when you've lost this love
that's not happening again
this ending you were determined to reach
that's not happening
Look around
we're all alone but we don't look it
you weren't alone but you felt alone
there isn't a comfort zone
life doesn't make room for comfort

you reach out
but the journey is too far
and I have not the faith
to go the distance
the void between us
is a chasm I can't bridge
it's not you, it's me
all the old excuses
it is easier to be alone
than to try to share time
open some doors
push some boundaries
all this potential activity
is met with my weariness
of all the times
I've been let down before

Finding the flow
The balance
The art
Of fulfillment
And letting go
Knowing when to say yes
When to say no
Self care at its best
Proof that I’ve grown.