I keep pretending that you don’t want me,

Because that would be a reason to stay.

So if I find a reason to leave, I’ll be gone

By golden hour, without a message or note,

Without even any goodbyes.

A small, reluctant smile forms on your lips;
small because there are no smiles without the guilt
that comes from being the only flower in a field of weeds.

I left an earring on your nightstand
like a dare,
like a dog whistle only I could hear,
like a lie I could almost live with,
like a warning you didn’t read.

You wrote me like you were killing time.
I let you.
I was tired—
tired of being the intermission
between things you actually wanted,
tired of holding out my hands
just to catch the sound of you leaving.

It was raining the next day.
Of course it was raining.
The whole city smelled like last chances
wrung out in the gutter,
like a bouquet dropped
when someone realized it wouldn’t change anything,

You said,
"Take care of yourself."
And I did—
by breaking every mirror
that still showed me your mouth,
by smashing every reflection
that looked like hope.

There's a version of me
still waiting at that train station—
wearing the wrong jacket,
gripping the wrong book,
mistaking longing for directions,
carrying promises like ballast.
I'll know it's you
by the way my spine recognizes the disaster
before my eyes do.

I hope she never learns.
I hope she keeps looking up every time the wind shifts.
I hope she believes in arrivals.
Even when no one steps off.

Every day on this train station,
I stand and wait for confirmation.
She's standing on the other side,
and lets her hair out in a glide.

Shadows spilling on the platform,
wind is blowing in my face.
Number 23 incoming,
she is getting on the train.

And as I stand on this train station,
she turns around in confirmation.
The train doors close, I wave goodbye.
We'll see each other in no time.

The air feels nice, the station – empty,
next train is scheduled, one of many.
A windy summer afternoon,
it's cool, it's quiet, it goes too soon.

I’ve been trying to flutter away
From that beautiful smile which shone brighter
Than anything I had ever envisioned
I’ve been trying to flutter away
Because I know if I try hard enough
My wings will become larger and majestic
And my name, written amongst the stars
Staggering, tumbling and quivering
Like a small dove riding against a windstorm
I’ve been trying to flutter away
Today my heart beats relentlessly quick
As if begging me to falter and realize
I’ll never get near the sun without melting away

As much as I try, the cyclone vows to break me apart
Spilling my feathers around a world of longing and craving
As of now, I still can’t fly so high
However, I’m not like Icarus
My wings aren’t frail and made of wax
I’ve been trying to flutter away
Eventually I’ll reach the sun
And the day when my memories spent
Alongside your beautiful smile
Which I still love and cherish
Will become just a warm and gentle breeze
Of the past

Ink's running out
as my thoughts get loud.
In between you and me,
my cup’s fuller.

The strings attached
are still clinging on tight—
but I will not hold on
any longer.

For this is, by chance,
a brief experience.
And that,
I should be grateful for—
because you made me feel
something
I had been longing for
before.

To be held,
for once,
with hands so warm
and willing
to engulf me as a whole.

This fleeting experience—
I'll hold on to.
For not even once
have I felt
a deep connection
I never wanted to end.

Perhaps,
it was you
or how you made me feel.
Or maybe,
it was your eyes
that I still wish
to stare into—
at least
for one last time.