I am a woman

I am a woman
who loves women
who loves men

I hate that I get confused
I hate that I act differently
depending on whom I’m with.

My name is Mayara Deo
I have a shaved head
I wear man jeans
I spread when I sit

And I rather prefer to be called masculine
than feminine

Still
I love my female body
I feel **** in bikinis
I feel **** in boxers
But I feel observed
         preyed on
         & harassed in bikinis.

I am a woman
I do have a ******

Still
I hate being told that I am not a man.

I hate that I still confuse
my identity
my sexuality
my being

for the sake of society’s expectations of
of whom I should be.

I crush on guys

I crush on girls

I have loved a man

I have loved a woman

And if one day
I love a person
I hope to marry them.

I hate labels
**** stereotypes

And
I ******* hate that they’re ingrained.

I hate not being considered
stable
sure
a manly-woman

a womanly-man.

My name is Mayara Deo
I am a person

And I want a person
to fall in love with my mind.

I don’t care to bear children
I do want kids
I want to always have a career
I want to care for my home.

I want to be seen as an equal

I want to feel comfortable
wearing a suit on date
with a man.

I want to feel comfortable holding my girlfriend’s hand

For I want to feel valued
as myself.

**** all men

**** all women

who choose to not understand

why I feel so confused:


It’s because of you.

you held my hand under yours,
as you shifted between gears.
"i love you" the words spilled out,
it felt right, it felt safe.

i was never one for short lived romances,
but that isn't what you promised me.
"i love you" you repeated,
making sure i felt the security.

but the calls became shorter,
and i felt the tone turn cold.
"i love you" i said with a hole in my heart,
but you said it back and that was enough.

i wait on the text that never arrives,
i know you've been really busy.
"i love you" three of the only words,
you managed to say to me today.

maybe i'm not enough for you,
it's starting to feel like you're bored.
"i love you" i'm saying it because i mean it,
why are you saying it?

we been through a lot together...

















nobody says it's forever

I stayed up all night
dreaming and hopeful of tomorrow
because I knew I'd be spending it with you.
but things get in the way
and today doesn't seem as bright as it looked last night
and when you told me that I wouldn't be seeing you
I stayed up all night
dreaming and hoping of another day
that I'd get to spend time with you.

i just looked back on a poem i wrote october 2019 about how i thought a girl was "too pretty"

well ive come to realize i am a raging bisexual, so yeah! character development.

The fruit is to the earth
As is the fruit to the forbidden
I came alive from the tree,
The grace was but to flee.
The truly unforgivable one

Is me.

I became what I ate
And I am now forbidden
And forsaken.

Repulsive figures
Glaring from the sidelines.
Living on a lost road,
Looking sidelong at a toad.
The arrow fades to blue
and I’m looking at you,
Yes, both of you.

A selfish desire lead me astray,
I wanted to help her in any way,
But I think I’m really just gay.
He looked at me when others looked away,
He has always helped make my day.

But it disgustates my narrowed mind
To think I’d like a dude in this kind.

An indecisive bi,
At least I should try
To make a **** decision...
Before my arm feels division.

writing poetry on your skin
your fantasies are our ink

She bleeds honey
Glitter runs from her eyes
Sugar lips
Scream
I run my hands down her
Cotton candy body
My greedy eyes burn into hers
Hungry