i have been placed on to a pedestal.
for every one to gawk at and be repulsed by.
I do not hate these people for judging what I've done.
I'm an animal
trapped in a cage
confused,
but understanding when a finger is pointed my way and the booming voices shout
'YOU HAVE BETRAYED US!!'
And what tears my insides apart
is that I have not only
betrayed
my friends,
but also myself.
I despise what I see in the mirror;
mentally
physically
even the existence of my being.
how can the unforgivable
be forgiven?

I knew it didn't work like that.
I knew loving someone was always going to be a game.
Whether or not you admit that,
is always up to the players involved.
I chose to play,
I chose to revere in the wins and try to overlook the losses.
(I never really could.)
It wasn't even necessarily a game of luck,
like people would assume,
because there was no Cupid's arrow.
It's about the way someone words something purposely,
the way someone grabs your hand with urgency,
the way they meet your lips,
like they're introducing themselves in every form,
like you just deciphered their entire childhood from the tip of their tongue.
Love is just a game,
love is a waiting game.
One where you sit and gaze
at a wall full of time zones,
a wall full of clocks at different hours,
and you don't know what the hell hour you're in because they're all the same to you.
2 a.m. and 2 p.m. become identical,
night never leaves.
The moon never sinks back down for the sun to rise,
there's no beauty to the sky if it's never lit,
maybe that's how you perceived me,
like a sky that's never lit,
something that can't be beautiful if all it is,
is darkness.
Overwhelming,
monotonous,
deafening darkness.
I'm sorry for being a vexed loser when it came to love,
always lamenting about the pain,
and how you bluffed.
How you cheated.
How you caught me off guard.
How you played so unscrupulously,
while I was still learning the rules.
How you didn't think to tell me
love was a game,
until you had already won.

She came, she conquered.
Thoughts of love wandered,
Was she doing it right or was she doing it wrong?
Why doesn't any love of hers last long?
for I knew the unspoken truth, I couldn't deny.
cause I was the only one, who had tasted her venomous lies.
Those succubus's eyes.
**- Aks.

The lights suddenly glimmered,
And all the faces shone,
All the beauty appeared,
In all directions.

But there was one corner,
Where the darkness still remained,
And the shadows of people,
Hid the corner more,
And with it, a person,
Slouched against the wall,
Stood there behind the shadows,
Giving up to stay tall.

No one saw her,
But she saw everything,
The lady in the fur,
Was talking stuff about her,
She tried to reach out for the lady,
But her skin burnt,
The moment she stepped out,
Of her corner.

Wasn't ignorance enough for her?
Or does she still have to stay in the shade?

Everyone passed beside her,
But no one noticed the thin shape,
Struggling to get out,
Get out of the gloom,
She lives in.

The lights went out,
And everything reappeared,
Clearer than ever,
And they finally noticed,
The blood that smeared,
Out of her heart,
They finnaly noticed all the wounds,
But like always,
When the lights came up again,
They just turned away,
And walked back in their path.

The things I cherish,
come crushing down.
The feeling of betray,
come cutting down,
The trust been build
come breaking down,
Reason of saying,
the four letter words.

Lack of common etiquette
Changes my strategy
To your detriment

Last year I ****** it all up, and I injected our shared dreams with sickness,
but I promise if you stay for a minute, you'll realize now I'm different.
See, I'm like your new pair of jeans: No ripped seams or lingering stiffness.
New Jeans, New Year, New Me, I promise.
I'm baring my soul, bear with me and bear witness.
This year's resolution isn't life choices or fitness.
Last year, I ****** it all up. This year, I'm going to fix this.

Stay by my side for just a while longer;
say you'll offer me your forgiveness.
Give me a chance to earn back your trust... to be better... stronger.
Give us another try. That's all I want this Christmas.

Please don't ask me to trust
Because I trusted in places
Where most have never entered

Don't tell me to believe
As my belief was far greater
And deeper than you could know

As I tasted nectar
That told me
I could have anything
I wanted

A wind blew through me  
As though the Lord
Had whispered
Make A wish my son
And it will be so

But all came to nothing
And now the Genie has gone
And I am locked alone
In a darkened room

So don't ask me to follow
Your blind trust
As the blind fall

And when they are sensitive
They fall harder and deeper

So I will never follow
Your blind faith
And I reject your trust
To build a kingdom on
Distrust, distrust, distrust

And I carry and cradle her
Broken promises by people
And the Gods
Lay like rubble
Under my feet
And form my foundation

For really what is trust worth
If given so freely

Never will I follow blind faith
To falsely fly
As I will never trust
To become falsely great

But wait and wait
And when trust comes
TRUST IS GREAT

Shared moments , special friends
Contrasting the chaos

And when the flowers of
Faith blossom
They will be rare and sacred

Temples which only the
Silent may enter

But do not ask me to follow your trust