I am walking in the hot summer wind
But I am shaking because the flowing tears were chilled.

My heart is running fast
And my head is aghast.

Hands are not free but held in the tight fist
I am afraid of seeing my bleeding wrist.

I feel someone's hand on my forehead
“Wake up sweety it was just a bad dream.”

My head is covered with sweat
But the firm hand of my mum abet.

In The battle with inner me
Days after days she wins
but
Today is the golden day cause I win..

Here I stand but against the odds in a world full of the unknown.  Waking by day and sleeping at night doesn't apply anymore. For things of my past left to the memories of a time long ago and shall remain for ever more. Though I exist now in the present of shattered dreams one by one became now none. What can be said or looked forward to of a future that lays ahead, a broken heart, a world full of me, or the promise to feel no more pain when im dead. Once a light shown bright and clear at the end of my tunnel now it's hard to find my way. Should I turn around and try and salvage the reminance of my life or face the hard truth that the promise he made is shattered as well and he will never make me his wife. Just when I believed I knew my purpose , I stand corrected but once again . Now with the odds still stacked against me it's time to raise my white flag and retreat. I faught a good battle but lost the war.
©kimmied1105

The battles I have lost,
Everyone can see.
The evidence is everywhere
On my arms,
On my legs
On my heart
On my soul.
Yet,
The battles I have won,
No one can see but me
I know I have won,
Because I don’t have a new mark
I know I have won
Because no one says anything
I know I have won
Because I don’t feel disgusted at myself
I feel happy when I win
I feel free without the voices bothering
I feel such joy from such the simplest things
But I know another battle is coming
I know there is a lower chance of me winning,
For I am already weakened from this one
These battles are slowly drowning me
These battles are slowly killing me.
I won’t be able to fight forever,
One day I’ll lose all hope
And when that day comes,
I know I have lost forever
To the demons,
The demons that won’t quit.
They invaded everywhere,
My mind
My body
My soul
My conscience
I know I should ask for help,
I know I should let someone know,
But that’s another battle altogether.
And I don’t think I’ll win it.

Is a life free of pain; no hunger for hope,
all that it enticingly seems?
Or is there more found in victory over a noose & a rope,
That could never be by achieving the highest of dreams?

A never ending battle
Between two foes
Both undefeatable
Both bigger than any other
Both capable of immense damage
Over the mind I call my own

Two foes
Fighting for the right
To destroy me
An endless tug-of-war game
The prize being the end of me

One takes the title of anxiety
But is known in many different forms
Vowing to cut me off from the world
By filling me with fear and worry
Hoping only to drive me to insanity

The other titled depression
Priding itself on killing my hopes
Vowing to cut me off from myself
By making me feel worthless
Hoping to drive me to self-hate

Crying, begging with both
To just make some compromise
A deal with two devils
In hopes of lessening their pain
Neither will have mercy
Neither will make a truce
Neither will defeat each other
Nor will they be defeated by any other

Little do they know
By clawing, scratching
At each other to get in my head
They destroy me in the process
Symbiotically they unnerve me
Together they annihilate me
They simply don’t realize
How well they work together
How well they bring me to an end

It was a merry-go-round.
I was gambling on the animals.
There was something more,
Going on between us.
A faint flutter of discontent
As I laughed astride a Tiger,
Ready to battle.
I’m not making any demands.
Complete surrender is all I’ll take.

Is this blood mine or yours?
I want to go home.
I don't know you, and I don't want us to die.
We both lay here, barely alive.

You look scared, a deer glowing faintly in the headlights of a rusty green vehicle.
I can see the tempest of my own fear reflected in your chocolate eyes.
Must we be enemies, only because our homelands are?

I see you finger something under your shirt.
It's probably a snapshot- mine is.
You keep it there to remind you of your promise:
Your oath to lay eyes on them again.

I know that we fight for our countries.
For what we believe to be right.
But...
Do you suppose...that only for tonight
--presumably the last night of our lives--
We could ignore the politics, and just fall asleep together?

In the morning, if either of us wakes up,
We can once again plummet into the ocean of duty and justice and pain.
We can drown in it then.
For now, could we take a swift breath at the top of the waves?
That would be nice.

Neither of us has said a word, but no matter.
Language barrier has not kept you from agreeing with me.
A simple series of countenances has signed our temporary truce in our place.
A mutual gaze of farewell,
As I drift...

Into...

Sleep...

Love is deceiving: that it can put you into a chaotic hurricane of misfortune yet you will keep being so blindly lucky.

Love is manipulating: that sometimes it becomes an ultimate tool for a person to politically dominates you. It mops your own self-authority.

You'll eventually become controlled. You'll be owned, you'll be toyed, that the presence of yourself means nothing more than just a belonging brought along.

Love is voracious: that it always makes you so greedy for affection, and craving more than just attention.

As the things don't go straight forward with your wish, and you don't get what you hardly need, you'll be left suffocated. You'll gamble your very lack of happiness only to be evaporated.

Love is lonesome: that every night, it will let you so sleepless, envisioning to a constant uncertainty which frustrates you to the utmost.

There will always be a constant battle in your mind that will dig the hollow so deep beyond the control. You'll soon use to the clattering cries and more simultaneous tears evoked.

But the good thing, it will sharp your melancholic soul elegantly: so exquisite that you'll paint your feelings in a train full of letters.

You'll possess the ability to bewitch gibberish into an excruciating enchantment for the woeful lovers. Those are the one whose joy are scattered to a blow of ashes.

- April, 24 2018, 02:23 AM.