Apathy
Brings only pain
A bullet in part
It enters your brain
And goes out your heart

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck inside myself, only writing and feeling things about myself when the world is so big. But the eyes I have are mine, my brain and its synapses, my tongue and my lungs, my fingers and movements, these are also mine. Therefore, it's hard to see something other than what my eyes can see, or feel and wonder about things my mind can't reach. But even if I could, my lungs breathe for me and my mouth is a slave.
I can not escape myself, because I am human. And after everything, it means to be a prisoner.

we eat bread
we drink coffee
a hundred thousand times

read three hundred books
write two hundred less
we look at the tree outside our bedroom window
a hundred thousand times

a hundred thousand times
i will run
i will go back
i will run
i will go back
a hundred thousand times

eating bread and drinking coffee
one last time

read one last book
write until there is nothing left to say

a hundred thousand times

i have resolved
to let these moments stab me,
teach me, by reaching my core
and harming me.
it will carve me into something
daring and emboldened;
perhaps i will be smelted,
reforged--
still stronger all the same,
especially without you.

If love hurts then why do we do it?
Loneliness is easier I’d say
Why not walk to the lake and skip stones for a bit?
No need to waste thoughts and throw time away

The game of love is not one to fool with
One day everything’s going great, and the next  only lacrimation remains
I truly believe true love is some twisted old myth
Nothing on earth except drugs makes you feel all sunshine and sweet candy canes

While my apathy shines bright as the moon in the night
I have nothing more to say except love bites

I’m only myself
When I’m depressed
Evaporating
Into nothingness

Out of this world
Just a cloud looking down
Exasperated
Lost in my own town

I'm sorry but I don't know what for
This worry I cant stand it anymore
My brain is stabbing  my heart
The pain is pulling  me apart

Brains pulling on the strings
Straining against the heart
Till my blood starts to sing
Of a life falling apart

And my brain wonders why
I feel all this pain and misery
Why do I fall low why do I fly
Its unstable chemistry

One day I feel so alive
The next I might just die
Next all endless drive
To numb and dead eyed

All the way long it was an illusion,
To be a part of it was my own decision,
It was after sometime,
When I couldn't feel this breath of mine,
I realized,
How I am going to be despised,
But I just got tangled into it completely,
And was trapped in the cage ultimately,
Not of greed, anger and selfishness,
But of grief, disappointment and life's pointlessness,
Happiness was not a part of this deal,
So it might take a million years to heal.

My eyes are cold
Heartbeat steady and slow
Breath even
I am still
Everything in me is numb
There’s no feeling
No empathy
No concern
Apathy controls me

I’d give anything
To feel something
Because right now
I’m not alive
And I don’t know
How to wake up