When you have nothing to lose
that's when your
guards fall like November leaves
and you're as naked as Eve's innocence
in the face of every thing and anything

glued together with bonds of failing marriages,
engagements don't survive and the kids are leaving home.
tied down and trying to escape with death's carriage.
my family isn't much, but it's better than being alone.
university is soon, but i'm full of such disparage
i don't want to be me, i just want to roam.

my poetry is barely audible, hitting the wall and falling
flat against listening ears. is this all i'll amount to?
writing alone - at 3 am - always missing my calling?
life's gambling, i realise, i can't help but feel blue

some days, the only thing I want
is someone to talk to again

wrote an old friend
and I was a skeleton
and I was a dead man
nothing to say I could not
nothing could not say

wrote an old friend
after so much time
after so many months
what topics he touched
but I could not say anything

he pulled my strings
feelings poured into all the blanks
the music was loud around
but only on my balcony
but I could not say anything

30.08.18

I've had to do some thinking,
sometimes it's like I'm sinking,
and I want to dig out,
but my tools have rusted,
been left out in the weather,
but you showed up with the umbrella,
over the rain in my heart.
You showed me the truth I was missing,
the pieces I wasn't seeing,
and you were able to get the parts in the middle,
while I was only able to see the corners.
I want to fix everything before it's too late,
before I've made the worst mistake,
but I know you'll be there to set me straight.
We'll have each other to make the right choices,
and not listen to those voices,
that can drown your thoughts,
and only let the negative rise.
Together we can weather any tide,
because our boat is built of a sturdy material of trust,
and even though we might hurt the other with our thoughts,
we know it's not on purpose,
and it's just helping our circle of honesty,
that has made us completely,
capable and able bodied individuals,
were apart we were weak,
but together we've become something so strong,
it's what legends are made of.

It’s been a while since I’ve tried to make sense of it all
It’s actually been forever in my mind since I’ve tried to make sense of anything,
My ideas, my thoughts, my problems they all jumble up together in my head,
They all started to look the same.
Maybe it’s Cause I keep looking for love in the same places I loose it,
Maybe it’s one of the many problems I’ve yet to admit I have thats keeping me interested in anything,
I’m so interested in the thoughts in my head I forget the date,
But I’m so interested in remembering the date that I don’t pay attention to the problems — thoughts. In my head.
It’s like when someone flicks the light switch on in a dark room over and over again, for a moment everything makes sense then you can’t see, and then can then you can’t,
And it just becomes a loop,
Like a Spirograph it looks beautiful on paper but once you try to follow it the more beautiful it is the harder it is to follow it. I’m really ******* tired of being a Spirograph. Beautiful on paper
But really hard to follow.

my love for you was altruism and you was ready to do anything just to heal yourself.