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Arke Jan 14
Out
I can't collect my thoughts
They're too scattered
I think of her falling
I wonder what her last thought was
I hope she wasn't scared
The tag they left in her house
"For disposal of human waste"
She's human waste now
We all are, we all become
The house smelled awful
Everything decays
Everyone dies
Nothing lasts
I shouldn't be so choked up about this
I'm alone now
So freeing
No one will notice if I'm gone
I could take off to Korea
Or hang myself in the garage
There is a hole in the centre of my chest
And I thought it couldn't get bigger
But like an infinitely expanding universe
My being expands into nothingness
I worry others can see it sometimes
They notice I am not whole
The sky is too heavy against me
I lose daylight and night alike
Every moment merges into the next
People fill that universe in my chest
Sometimes, rarely
But I consume them
Like a black hole of fire
Or a plague
I consume everything
And I can't help but feel
Like the world would be better
Without me in it
I'm not scared to go
I'm not scared to leave this behind
Let the antimatter break me apart
Limb by limb, shred me
I can't write any more
My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere
I'll stick to tasks
Mindless busy work
Pretend we talk now like we never did
Speak to the emptiness as though
It could speak back somehow
Let it destroy me and rebuild me again
No more writing. No more reading. Depression is slowly taking everything I loved. But I'll fight it, every day. Write ****** poetry no one reads. Cook and clean and act normal. I'm so tired. I've never felt so lonely and defeated. Nothing in life is working out right now but I'll rest easy someday knowing I've tried my hardest and fought this every step of the way.
Arke Dec 2018
life is but a cruel game
where we live each moment
always missing someone

I talked to a Serbian man
at the bus stop going home
told him my mom died
on the solstice this year
the longest night that never
would become day for her

he said his died when he was 50
that he wept like a child then
tears formed in his pale eyes

though this game seems unfair
that no one close to us remains
we only borrow one another
life is not a game played for keeps
we exchange time for experience
and life itself for memories
Arke Dec 2018
early morning sun weeps
rays against my skin through
open summer window
shadows hug the curves
of my arm and stomach
I believe, briefly, that I've dissolved
exsanguinated, I lay lifeless
a pile of flesh and mess
worried my soul has left it's shell
I exist only momentarily
when you touch me
when your eyes meet mine
when your body wraps around me

I vanish once more when you leave
Arke Dec 2018
god's teeth, like crooked giants
stood before me, unconquerable.
I've always chased windmills but
some demons are too great to slay,
and I, too foolish and tired to slay them.
"you were young once, too," they whisper,
they have been here at the dawn
of time and stand, eroded but beautiful.
they only remind me that my youth is gone,
of my fleeing mortality.
I will be long dead,
the earth will live on
without me, someday,
as will you.
will you mourn me when I go?
will you leave orchids at my wake?
I never wished to see a world without you in it,
never wished to feel my body apart from yours
though you've shown me what it looks like now.
and everything is a bit bleaker,
the first snow fall brings only
silence and slush and empty contemplation
and I hate it.
I hate being alone with these thoughts.
but rather than spearing the giants and demons,
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think
the spear would easier go through me
I'll get back on my horse and ride
towards the empty and unfulfilling horizon
as long as I can, I promise
I will fight an eternity for your memory alone
Arke Dec 2018
nobody writes poetry about the banal
the ticking clocks and coffee drips
clicked buttons and phones ringing
white walls with greige carpet
waiting in lines for daily tedium
this is where we spend most our time
existing in between the magical
skimming edges of something beautiful
our existence both mundane yet unparalleled
I feel grateful for every tea ring in my mug
pages of old books I will never read
time spent waiting for replies
or watching paint dry on canvas
because this sliver of existence
brief and bland though it may be
can occur only once at this very moment
and our fleeting mortality is extraordinary
Arke Dec 2018
catcall the bell-wearer
whose toll is paid in soft looks
longing sighs and blue eyes
like a Siamese cat because
an animal caged won't rebel
whistle and marvel at lithe grace
possessed by beauty of presence
charm that smokes and chars
magnified only by their walk
like a dance for poppies
made only more appealing
with cold shoulders and fury
Arke Nov 2018
you bring me your darkness
like a fat house cat
who has killed a mouse
placing it at my feet
still squirming
and you, proud
very well, I mumble
you're a formidable hunter
vulnerability is striking
yours ought to be celebrated
but darkness never dies easy
it chokes and sputters
and runs off with final breath
Arke Oct 2018
End
goodbye lover, goodbye
my broken heart will heal
but my youth will never restore
if I could return the stolen moments
I would, tenfold, back to you
I have no right to keep them hostage
I know my emotions were never
your responsibility, though I guiltily
made them your cross to bear
you exchanged sadness for pleasure
though I love you not for what you did
or the ways you'd make me laugh or feel
or the times you'd make me think and care
but because I felt as though I saw you
goofy, odd, brilliant, funny, wonderful, ****
my feelings are always genuine
and though we have bid one another farewell
I am certain my feelings will remain
long after my youth and body have gone
so adieu chéri, adieu--
some infinities are longer than others
the one we shared has never ended for me
though I can't give back these thoughts
the knowledge of loves existence is my burden
someday, days or years
lifetimes or centuries from now
a rainbow will touch the ocean
because my love for you spans
a greater infinity than time itself
but until that moment arrives
(if it ever arrives in this life time)
goodbye sweet love, goodbye--
for as long as you'd like
Arke Oct 2018
some days it feels like
everyone is out
living their lives
while I am typing into a void
that leaves me more empty
than when I started
Arke Oct 2018
media is self absorbed
corrupt government systems
**** journalists and civilians
bleached coral reefs
nuclear bomb testing
fast fashion and factory farming
class discrepancy grows
capitalism expands
the forest weeps
earth is burning
150-200 species of life
become extinct every day

here's a picture of my food
and my pet, he's a good boy
vacay in madrid smiley emoticon
hashtag blessed hashtag fun

is it a lie or a distraction
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