My world is cut in silence
The rain is red
All stories told.
Our bodies roamed just like a virus
In denial
Of our true home.
This sickening betrayal
Left a monster
In my place.
The love I gave entirely
Lead only
To my disgrace.

A shroud
of
pain

A cloud
of
darkness

A myriad
of
suffering

An endless ocean
swallowing me whole.

Kept captive

Made slave

Forced
into
*******

Dragged away.

Chained by fear

Forgotten by all

I lay in the aftermath
beaten,
broke.

The mountains
hear my voice and turn their backs
The forests
see my anguish and do nothing
The oceans
know my pain, and yet continue to ignore me
The winds
carry my cries into the void where no one will hear
The rain
snuffs out my air choking me
The thunder
booms overhead mocking my misery
The birds
fall silent
The shadows
creep over my head
The sun
covers its face in mist and shroud
The moon
refusing to come
My fate
sealed by the cruelty of nature
My destiny
a hopeless cause.

I am a wanderer
forgotten and lost.
Shifting in between the vast pages of time

Fallen from grace
cast out from eternity.

My voice carries no weight
my eyes see only darkness
my ears hear only my weightless screams
my legs are useless
my arms wont move

I am trapped
in a bottomless abyss

Free falling forever.

I want to **** myself
Everyday
Every hour
Every second
And yet I haven't
Because every time the thought occurs
The aftermath seems to play out in my head

I don't want to be
the acknowledgment at the beginning
of a book i'll never read
  to my sister
  to my friend
  to my lover
  gone to soon
  i wish you could read this

I don't want to be
the sad news story that everyone hears
and wishes it weren't real
  a 17 year old
  young and bright
  lots of friends
  left behind family
  greatly missed amongst us all

I don't want to break
my already broken family
even if they are breaking me
  lost a sister
  lost a cousin
  lost a daughter
  sadness engulfs them all
  two families split back to four

I want to leave
And I'll never believe
The world loves me so much
That it will stop in place
Because I take my life
But even if
It's only half the truth
This idea of the aftermath
That would occur
Should I stop my breathing
I'll keep breathing
In
Out
In
Out
Just to see the world continue turning

-r.y.s

dear jared,

you broke up with me on that friday.
you said
you couldn't handle the distance
we were at,
that we couldn't see each other,
but we could always stay friends.
from my experience, i know
love is patient.
i loved you that day
and i still do.

i was patient
i am patient.
i will be patient.
i know, i feel that when we finally meet,
it'll hurt a little less.


to this day, i hate fridays.
whenever someone says,
"thank god it's friday"
i can't help myself but disagree.
the farther away in the week,
the better.
and sometimes, it hurts a little less.

s.

This midnight hour,
Burning in the brightness of my hell.
You left your mark.
Settled our terms.
Defined our tragedy,
(Ridiculous for all to see).
Cut to ribbons.
And left
Love to hang its head in shame.
Soon we'll mean less than nothing to each other.
How did it come to this?

I fell in love with the boy your words made you out to be
but the truth laid behind your poetry

The bitter-sweet chill of November air reminds me of the moment my eyes met yours
and something inside me whirled brighter than the fall leaves
masking the chilly air
the warning a snowstorm would soon approach
and hit me harder than your words ever could

But how was I to know I would one day memorize the curve of your lips,
as they smiled so delicately against mine
and the way your hands pulled me closer into your embrace,
engulfing me
like the lap of the ocean's waves
right before the tsunami hit

How am I supposed to forget the way your strong hands felt running through my hair,
desperately trying to finish the race,
frantically scrambling to cross that finish line
strands of chestnut hair impairing your vision
to the sparkling blue eyes
wanting
and the burning in your thighs
aching, growing stronger,
until you finished
that
race

How am I supposed to erase the feeling of your lips,
one with mine
the taste of Listerine,
and wanting more,
on your tongue

I remember the way you looked at me with those haunting eyes and award winning smile
as if you were Brad Pitt and I was Angelina Jolie
as if you were The Green River Killer and I was your next victim
as if you actually gave a **** about me

I remember your touch,
soft
curious
desperate
venturing places no one had ventured before
exploring my boundaries,
in more ways than you could ever comprehend

I remember your letters
filled with those words
I fell so hard for

But now the pen is in my hands
the fall leaves have turned into winter snow
my lips no longer belong with yours
and the race is long lost

I have lived months absent of your lips
your stares
your touch
and now?
the truth lies behind my poetry

I spent countless hours in a field picking petals off of dead flowers (what a metaphor for our relationship)

saying with each petal squeezed tight between my fingertips
he loves me, he loves me,
he loves me.

you loved me not.

you are more toxic than carbon monoxide and I made a home out of you (I guess you were a car left on in a closed garage)

you were a death wish,
and I knew every time I went back to you it would be the same as last time

so why did I do it?

I fell in love with the musician that wrote a song about my eyes when we only knew each other for a month.

I fell in love with the warm heart and cool menthol voice that called me at noon when I was in North Carolina, and that was the first time I ever heard your voice.

I fell in love with the big arms that hugged me in the cold and rain for the first time, after talking on the phone for a month.

I fell in love with the mouth that tasted like marlboro southern cut cigarettes and the lips that were always cold.

I fell in love with the warm brown eyes that glistened in the sun even behind ray-ban sunglasses.

I fell in love with the teeth that formed the most perfect smile when I told my cheesy lame jokes and the deep, throaty laugh that followed.

I fell in love with the N_ O'__ whom my mom loved (for a brief time) and bought me roses on my birthday.


I was in love with what you were and I was hoping that it would come back.


I know now that it's not.

I hope it breaks your heart the way that you broke mine
knowing that I am
always
going to be above you.

I hope your world falls apart much like my mind did
every time
you hear my name.

you are the aftertaste of coffee.
after the jumpstart,
the palpitation,
here you are,
sadly bittersweet.

you are the persisting vision
of a falling star.
its trail of light
remain before me
even after it’s long been gone.
i’ve tried to catch it
with my feeble hands,
only to grasp nothingness.

you are the aftermath
of an earthquake,
of which i found myself
at its epicenter.
even after rebuilding,
i found
that nothing is
as it was.

you are the tune
that keeps playing
over and over again
inside my head.
i’ve being lss-ing
over your memories,
singing a song
i’m not sure
if i’ll ever hear again.

you are an aftertaste,
a persisting vision,
an aftermath,
an lss
that i wrap around myself,
holding me together,
keeping me from falling apart.

for j.e.
*100314

Your voice no longer sounded like a sweet melody but more like nails on a chalkboard