silas Nov 16
i dont know
how i could ever
love someone
when for so long
i have felt
but emptiness

i dont know
how i have survived
this long
without the aid of
artificial happiness
packaged in pearly white pills

i dont know
how i will never
be good enough
no matter how long i stand
in the rain
waiting for you
i fell in love again
  Sep 19 silas
how do you know when (a human is too broken?)


human too broken?

like the light bulb, removal from its fixture, a simple shaking revelation of the tinkling filament spent, something that cannot be repaired, the only option is replacement and that makes
you cry

the empty box of oatmeal raisin cookies, you find secret’d,
hid by you, not to be found by you
at the bottom of the kitchen garbage,
but box betrayal, by the chartreuse tipped box lid sided
peeking upwards, asking, silencing screaming,
what did I do to deserve
this degrading

like the blouse now too tight that it brings stares as the buttons strain, unwelcome attention unintended,
you know it but still pretend not to see,
for you both once loved that silky guise that so
heightened the high tender, the match of your pink rose skin letting, no! making
your eyes glisten, like broken filament glass, on the sidewalk,
recalling the pleasured admiration,
rain remembered from the
prior priority of a life consisting of only
perfect gifts

so mean revert to the poseur question; this is how...

remove the human from a fixed place, whimpering-threatened,
you may hear clear the crackle cackling  of the innard shards against the misperception of a body intact,
even if you do,
no repair service you want,  can be found, see it nowhere,
is it even
anywhere advertised?

the body presumed intact is secret’d under a tactile coverlet,
holey scupperrd holy cuttered
so that the cells and bicuspids, the threads
no longer function in a tandem,
you keep it in the closet closed,
in the back, deep hid, where,
when it screams why,
it can be safe ignored,
because  ‘betrayed’ is no longer a word,
in your globe's dictionary,
the parental controls activated by you to
save your own inner child’s unconstrained confusion,
it has been removed

so the broken glass, the clothes you dressed each other,
if not weep-well,
well enough hid,
the fit is off,
the fit is off,
the coverlet ripped so bad and neither cares
an unexpected poem, unplanned, needing work
aug 4-5
  Sep 19 silas
be your own island
surrounded with salt water
tears of joy
and pain, too

for there’s both
and darkness
in this universe

in the hiding sun
and in the shining night

in the sea of dreams

and in the new moon
of awakenings

to become whole
you need both

and darkness
in this universe

in your island, too
This is one of the first poems I ever wrote - After discovering my passion for poetry during the days spent near the sea, under the sun, wind blowing through my hair - one of the happiest times of my life that I will never forget...

Nature has the power to change everything, to make us realize what we always had inside us , but forgot long ago. And just like nature, we all have light and darkness inside us, and that is what makes us whole...
  Sep 19 silas
Hannah thomas
you turned me into a flower
beautiful to hold
and easy to cut down

spun my silk skin
into a blanket
just to keep you warm

set me on fire
just to watch me burn
left me ash and rubble

but I came out
phoenix and scarlet beauty
I came out
steel and armor heart

   - Try to break me now
silas Sep 19
just the thought of you feeling alone in this world
keeps me up at night
you say
you fear you will never find someone like you
and although you and i
are not the same
i will be here to listen to you
and grip your hands tightly through this storm
that never seems to end

i want to hear your thoughts
and all of your joys and desires
what you hate and fear in this world
what evokes envy or anger
i want to have a piece of your heart in my hands

and you
are a beautifully perfect individual
einstein would envy your knowledge
and aphrodite would envy your beauty

but i can never find the right words

loving you is exhilarating
and everytime you speak you leave me breathless
and wanting to hear more

there are few people who make the sun shine
so gloriously in the sky
as if it were just for me

i hope you stay in my life forever.
for he who shall not be named
written 30 april, 2018
published 18 sept, 2018
silas Sep 19
and over the months,
i have learned
that loving you is like chasing the sun
i hold the thorn bed of your heart
into my own chest
as if it would make me any stronger

loving you is like getting ice cream after it's all melted
like wearing brand new shoes just for the rain to come
like dancing just as the song ends

i will never understand your empty-headed anger
or why i will always be the target of your words
but please understand,
that all i want for you is the best
but the best for you might not be with me

when you're happy
you don't smile, you glow
serenity and innocence radiate from you like light from the sun
sometimes i find it difficult to imagine
that someone so blissfully ignorant turns into a monster
with a few ill-advised words.

and when i breathe in the sweet afternoon smell of spring,
i think about warm hugs and lullabies
flowers filling my lungs
and the revival of life after a long winter
i think about picnics
and all of the things i never brought because you didn't like them

no amount of joy comes without the sadness
do not say you love me if you fear commitment
i imagine, that this way, it would hurt less for the both of us.
for christoPHER, when i used to give a ****
written 1 march, 2018
published 18 september, 2018
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