They say you need to let things go
Forgive and forget
But that’s really hard to do
With you care for someone so deeply

You can always forgive
But deep down you know
The trust that was once there
Is gone forevermore

Try as you might
You can’t escape the thoughts
Thoughts of jealousy
Betrayal and mistrust

You hammer them shut
Deep in your subconscious
But somehow they keep surfacing
Like a shark who smells blood

You try to numb yourself
Hide the emotion in the thoughts
But that only last so long
Before eventually you snap

No matter how many times you talk
It always seems to be the same
One doesn’t care
While the other cares too much

These things can break you
Shatter your soul into pieces
Rip your heart right out of your chest
In fear of day to day events

Tread lightly with your next move
For every thought that comes up
There’s always a reason
Why they weasel on in

It could be despair
It could be happiness
Just focus on what’s around
And never assume it goes away

It's the aching sting
At the back of my neck
Near the base of my mind
The opposite
Of all those days
Spent warm
And strong
In the summer sun
Alive, in step
I sat cold with my coat
Awash in January mist
And sore as this
May be far away
Though it's hard to look past
This thrive-less time
Back to Summers warmth
Sublime
Return to me, please
Most kind
Return to me

Love is fleeting
Or so they say
But no matter what I do
I can't get over you

I beg and I plead
to the higher powers above
For months and months
To get over you

But try as I may
The love is still there
Causing heartache
Causing pain

You say lots of things
But never the one thing I need
For you to tell me it will be okay
And that we will get through this together

My love for you has grown eternal
And I fear it will be forever so
Because everytime I see you
It grows a little more

All you say is I love you
And that you want to be with me
But all I see is
You eyeing all these girls

I'm sorry I'm not a big chested girls
I'm sorry I was born the wrong gender
I'm sorry I'm not what you want

But I can't change that
Without changing who I am
And honestly
I can't even remember who I am

I feel like both
But that might just be my head
Playing tricks on me
While I fight these illnesses

The Depression and Borderline
Are getting worse and worse
But do you even care about that
I highly doubt that

I silently cry to sleep
Wondering if I am the one
To make you smile or laugh
But then I realize
I'm neither

I pushed away
The one person you wanted
Just because you cheated
And refuse to admit it

I know more than you think
I know all of what you do
And I don't have to read messages
Or hear gossip to see it

It's written all over you
The guilt is eating you alive
The guilt that you aren't with her
And are stuck with me

You go around trying to find bed buddies
While I'm locked up in a mental ward
Saying that I'm psychotic
When anyone would be

After what I went through
After our multiple breakups
After pleading with you multiple times
And the final straw was the anniversary

I don't know how much more I can bend
How much more I can break
How much more heartache I can go through
Before you see that all I love is you

I have stopped eating
And I keep losing weight
I try to be perfect
But I'm never enough

You say I don't need to cross dress
You say that my gender isn't why
But all I can see
is your lust for girls

You aren't Pan
You aren't even Bi
You aren't Demi
You are Straight and in denial

Maybe the only way
For you to truly love me
Is for me to just go with what I thought
And get that surgery

I've thought about it for a while
And I know you say I don't have to change
But I feel I must
In order to stay by our side

In other words
I love you
With all my heart
And I'm willing to die for it