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Between volumes and syllables.
From a piece of paper
Folded with smitten hands and
Hidden between

Books of lesser interest to a
Young heart in first love,
To the isles and isles of scrolled
Knowledge lost in the blasphemous

Fires of Alexandria, my story
Remains only for as long as I
Do. Punctuations and dreams
That will forever matter less to

Another than their own. My
Story is my doing. My being.
My loves and dislikes.
My failures and successes weigh

Exactly as little as names of
Kings and gods long forgotten,
When printed with other drops
Of the same ink as theirs.

I love my girlfriend's answer
To questions of an afterlife:
*"I hope it all ends when it ends.
I have been given enough.

Give my space to other souls.
All I am; all I have,  
I am comforted to think I only
Borrow."
I wish I could fix you.
I wish I could smooth every one of your worry wrinkles.
I wish I could tell you that everything will be ok, and mean it.

But the sadness you carry is deeper than I have ever known.

You are the only hope I have ever lost.
The only need I have always refused.
& the only soul I ever rejected.

Too much of you has withered away.

Your body has become unfamiliar to me.
Our words are only those of distance, desperately searching for conversation.

I feel as though I've never known you.
Your face is not a mothers, but a sad & broken stranger.

I just wish I could fix you.
I keep writing these poems
emptying my chest onto paper
thinking somehow
this will make it feel less hollow
thinking someday
these words won't be so tortured
but every scratch of pen
every patch of black or blue
covering something that just
didn't fit right
looks so vacant
and everything I say
is starting to sound the same
I am pulling words from a thesaurus
trying to rephrase the ache
into something I haven't felt before
trying to justify
why I haven't been able to fix this yet
talking myself into a fire
this ink is gasoline
and combustion
is something I am all too familiar with
I refuse to delight in the things that bring me so much pain.
Though it seems to be the only consistency in this constant running scheme.
I go & it come.
I come & it stays.
You haunt my only made up fantasy of ecstasy.
If I can't delight in you, you refuse to delight in anything.
I'm so tired of you.
I've been thinking about you baby,
So I'm drinking about you lately
Now I'm dreaming about you baby
& My head's screaming sedate me

I've been tearing out my hair about you baby,
I just simply can not bear it
Prayers come & go without merit,
Maybe only you can save me

I've been chain-smoking about you baby,
Trying to rid myself of your lingering taste
But it's savory & I hate it
Bad habits are hard to break

Now I'm binging about you baby,
& I'm choking about you baby
Feels like hanging from a bridge
[Rope + Throat =
Dangling, here - you baby]

The Frog Prince croaks, alone for you my highness,
Beauty is only skin deep when vanity is all but timeless
It's chipping away my sanity; (your china is the finest)
Your parisitical silhouette (the iris of my crisis)

I've been sniffing glue about you baby,
Now you're stuck on me like paste
With eyes closed, it's almost as if
you & I were face to face
Your touch, my long lost grace
How I long for your forgotten, electric embrace

I've been free-basing about you baby,
& basing my phrases around you lately
Just can't phase you out of my head
I see you in my dreamscape
You're my favorite escape baby

Now I'm hallucinating about you baby,
It feels like I'm losing you baby
Your pallor is opaque, are you okay baby?
I see a ghost; the resemblance is uncanny
It's become unnerving, why can't you just be happy?
Your antics make me frantic
I'm sour & spiraling downward baby

I've been robo-tripping about you baby,
& double-dipping about you lately
My frame of mind is shaky
So scrape away all my brain matter baby

I've been injecting about you baby
Now I have this festering infection,
affliction for your affection, and

My veins collapse about you baby;
Encasing my brain in frost,
You're cold as a glacier;
Read between the lines baby
You call the shots

Maybe I should huff some gas about you baby,
Or smoke some crack about you baby
I dunno what to do about you baby;
I could melt you on a spoon,
My life is drab without you lately
I just want to see color

Inhale *a dab about me baby,
So you can recreate your perception
of times past about me baby;
Mix & match the parts you like best
&
Exhale *all the rest baby
I was inspired to write this by "Drinking About You" by Samantha Ellis. Check it out if you like this! :)
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/616340/drinking-about-you/
We part ways,
& the paths that we take
Lead us back to each other

Oh, how I suffer,
My rediscovered lover
Won't you please smother me?

Every time we say we're done
We'll still return for one more bump,
Take a bad hit of our drug
Then run back like addicts

So let's give this one last try
While my lantern oil runs dry
& I run aimlessly in the dark
Trying to find you

Pensive, I stare into this hourglass
Remissive, and reminiscent
of forgotten ever after
effervescently iridescent
Like flowing light observed through a prismastic prison

As my grasp slips,
sand will filter between my fingertips
And Ill swear with every falling grain
Someday they'll meet and create
a famous work of art
putting even Mona Lisa to shame;
Forged in the flames, of our eternal love

But in the blink of an eye, I'm buried;
Cemented in the sediment of time
Oh how I wish you'd carry me to the brink
Just one last instance, so I can feel alive again
While

f
r
e
e
f
a
l
l
i
n
g


through meaningless semi-existence
I actually just rediscovered an early draft of this written in December 2010. Felt this deserved to be finished. The title is a sort of combination of the phrases "Such love" and "love once lost"
this feeling here
I can't deny
it's coming near
to say goodbye

just walk away
is what I'll say
look deep inside
you cannot stay

my heart is yours
is this called fate?
tongue tied inside
I can relate

I can't be with you
this much I know
I'm feeling blue
I cannot show

escape is real
your hiding here
inside this deal
your showing fear

this means the end
is on it's way
I cannot bend
I cannot sway
I feel I must
just walk away
I am sorry for all the harm I have done
I am sorry that I cannot heal the scars I have left
I am sorry that you have wounds and I am the blade
I am a double edged razor and you cannot hold me
without slicing open your palms
drop me please
let me go
I do not want to hurt anyone anymore
if this is what I have caused
I no longer want to be
Talking long distance to you online
I feel I know you even though we've never met
I know your feelings, your quirks
Your wants, your needs
I love you for who I've come to see plastered on my computer screen.

A thin pane of glass
Sits between you and me
Yet I somehow know
That it is meant to be
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