late at night, you would call me
                from beneath taffeta sheets

cellular glow races through mountain rock
            straight to the heart

i never picked up
you never called again

(i miss your honeyed voice like i would a limb)

i'm dreadfully inclined
to run my fingers through your hair
and know what it's like
in your arms

but i don't want you to think
that i love you

i met you;
                a universe,

a galaxy of orange stars
littered on your skin

a nebula
    you were a divination
                    a revelation
i thought you were invincible

         the sun peeks through the waves
and turns you to stardust

strewn upon my red ribbon arms

if i had feeling
i'd think twice
before deciding to slice
so deeply
than i ever have before
what color is human flesh?
maiden pink? or true red?
maybe I have to rip through
a layer of fat
before I reach
what could be called

me

metal extensions
to my teenage angst
freed on my temple
post-speed hits

the perfect solution
to the voices and questions
rip through their illusion
that just-world phenomenon

it makes perfect sense
what the monsters do
stray from your lane
we're all monsters too

nothing matters doesn't matter

just drag your brush across the canvas
                                    (violently)
don't put any feeling into it. you are
an animal

incapable of reason

rip thru crepe skin
   fix your eyes on the gashes

and watch blood drain out

I'm finally starting to realize
What they really mean -- those glassy eyes.
Besides batshit Monday highs

It hurts to come up with a time frame
How long I've been playing this game

Wading through that alphabet soup
Trying to fashion words out of neural impulses

Anything that leaves my lips makes little sense
So I'd given up one day
Now I build neon signs to flash over the freeway

But I guess most of us are blind
And I'll die on this bridge
Without my pilfered mind

oh my god i just logged into this for the first time in 2 years i can't believe i used to be this emo WHAT THE ****??!! anyway i have friends now and im ****

stan loona stan poppin party
gender is a ****

the darkest place on earth
is on the second floor of the Memorial Hospital
in the first room to your right
a cocoon of antiseptic and iron sting
sometimes you’ll hear the softness of your breath
but there isn’t a darker place
a more perfect place
to hang yourself behind the curtains
overlooking a playground
that’s lonely in the winter time
there isn’t a darker place
than where you first learned to fly
away
and away
and so far
from yourself

six AM
on the road

the sky is screaming purple
and cars speeding
and headlights leaving trails
of orange tears

the air tastes like
tangerine

and i lost my glasses this morning
mosaic mosaic
in the backseat
on century roads

like we're high
hell
like we're high

can't see
past my the back of my hand
don't know
don't know

what to think
when I'm not driving
flying
past it all
fast
but I'm so slow
so dead

might as well forget

lay down
on ****** shores

(fire tides at your heels)

incandescent skies
     raining down on phosphorus sand

think nothing
and just burn

at some point the world must've flipped
because i've been floating
toes never touching the sea floor
and im trying not to forget
what the sand feels like
i'm so tired trying to stay un-sunk
can't find the time to drink up the stars
from so up high
throat so dry
it's possible to drown in the vacuum of space
your lungs spill into themselves
your bones powder up
but you're not allowed to die until you find a way back down

i've never told you before
but i caught a glimpse
of your skinny wrists
two years ago

brown lined up so neatly against beige
i couldn't help but stare
and trace over the fresh red blooms
on my own arms

and scowl at the thought
that someone as beautiful as you
could be as damaged
as someone as disgusting as me

just when you think you've hit the bottom,
             God throws you a shovel.