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Sofia Oct 2016
i asked my god for rest
and in pagan desperation
he gave me apolaki
god of the sun and war
i mistook him for seraphim
God struck me down
with the force of a thousand spaniards
reaching my country's once untouched shores

your land had a god of the sun and war
before they pinned you in virginal grace
your country wanted you to see the sun
and remember war was not for the bloodthirsty
for your people it was god's will


i asked my god for love
and in carnal frustration
he gave me anagolay
goddess of lost things
i mistook her for a saint
archangels unsheathed their swords
celestial eyes filled with rage

your land had known loss
long before you did
your country had known loss
long before love had made it known
you will find yourself again


i asked my god for light
and in familiar search
he gave me tala
goddess of stars
and i stopped seeing them as stained glass figures
i no longer saw my banished gods
engulfed in the power of rome

my land saw the stars before God's first day
"let there be light" He said and apolaki bowed in recognition
tala greeted Him with a smile and promise
anagolay laughed in joy and gratitude
my country had gods before wooden crosses
before the galleons carrying friars came armed in holy water
before my archipelago had become a sprawl of cathedrals

now i'd like to think my God and bathala smile down on me
saint jude conspiring with lakapati
cherubim sleeping in diyan masalanta's arms
i'd like to think the gods are at peace
i'd like to think they would only want me to remember
to never forget every disfigured reflection of the almighty

Thy will be done.
gods of philippine mythology:
bathala - supreme god/creator
lakapati - goddess of fertility
diyan masalanta - goddess of love
  Oct 2016 Sofia
Sylvia Plath
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Sofia Sep 2016
dear adam,
you were my first love
i'm not sure if you loved me
as much as i loved you
but God did i love you
the world began with us
isn't that amazing?
even in the crevices of our  
makeshift beds weaved out
of lazy limbs and hazy intentions
even if i felt your heart didn't beat
for flesh such as mine
i loved you i loved you i love you
maybe i'm sorry i wasn't enough
but i know it wasn't me
i know you wished the world
didn't begin with a boy and a girl
being told to love
as if love was easy
i'm sorry i knew that maybe
you wished there was a choice
i knew that you wanted more than
soft sighs and long hair
maybe you wanted someone
who fit you the way your own gods told you
your own gods being your anatomy
your every nerve telling you
this isn't right
this isn't the natural order of things
i'm sorry i didn't pray hard enough
i was happy to have a part of you
even if that part included your dreams
of someone like you
of someone much different than i
we will never know now
and that's the saddest part
even when sacred texts chronicle us
as being an eternal pair
that brought paradise to flames
i do not regret following you into hell
i would bite into the universe
again and again and again
if it meant for the freedom
that came along with shame
if it meant that the world could be
what you wanted it to be
i would navigate every circle of hell
i would find every vision of the devil
if it meant you could love who you were meant to love
i love you adam
the world began with us
and maybe that's why the world is so scattered
two scattered souls don't make for a very good world
now our children run around loving and hurting
just as we did
but you lived a good life and you knew that
you were always the good one
i was always the one who wanted to be more
and you always forgave me for that
we were a strange love - you and i
so perhaps let us forgive ourselves
after all
we are only dirt breathed by God
we had no say in our genesis
that isn't going to change now
love and everything else,
eve
Sofia Sep 2016
I suppose if the arts had any real power
Michaelangelo's David could have healed my brother
Rimbaud could have saved Hiroshima
Monet could have painted the world in shades of peace
Desiderata could have protected me
But this is the real world
And where poetry once grew comes the art of fabrication
Dali's obras are no longer enough to make me forget
Moonlight Sonata never warned me of this hurt
The waltz never healed a broken family

I suppose if the arts had any real power
Beethoven wouldn't have gone deaf
Van Gogh would have been happy
Hemingway would have loved better
And Ginsberg wouldn't have been afraid to love

Yet here they all are
When the only light I see is on hundred year old canvas
When the only solace I have is a dead man's words
When the only thing that keeps my heart thundering
Is the promise of a Boticelli ending in Picasso figures
All colors, beauty, light and metaphors
The promise of a Renaissance gleaming in the ashes of prose

This is the real world
I suppose if the arts had any real power
It would heal more than just my heart
It would build me a new Garden of Eden
And I'd pave a way to nirvana
So the world could join hands
And start anew

But it's saved me for now
That is enough.
Sofia Sep 2016
your stars hung in pairs against the
accustomed singularity of celestial bodies
your stars held the promise of enlightenment
and i sought you the way kings did
hunting you down in the endeavor of navigation
pinned down and ****** until
man left the stars for devices of their own
and when the stars followed humanity
stardust resurrecting in the arrangement of atoms
constellations manifesting in wombs
nebulae shattering for the genesis
the universe destroyed itself for you

oh gemini boy

the cosmos are not kind
to boys who are destined to be halves
on an eternal voyage for missing fragments
in a lover's touch and a child's laugh
the world is not kind
to boys who look into your eyes
and only see their reflection
but you were kind to me

oh gemini boy

this is an apology
to a mortal born from the immortality
of twins whose love bore the gods' mercy
to rest among the stars
not knowing that stars die just as
the children born from them do
just as you

oh gemini boy

maybe i should have known better than
to love a boy always searching for himself
i mistook you for a cosmic collision
meant for the dawn of a new heaven
and maybe i fell in love with your destruction
as i navigated you the way ancients looked
to your stars for salvation

oh gemini boy

my stars hang in the silhouette of the unknown
isolated from the promise of deliverance
man was once told
we are born from different stars
our fates moving in parallel precision
never meeting again after our stardust
once laid prints upon our astral anatomy
and because we are not stars
but the echoes of seraphic wars
meant to traverse desolate lands
in search for completion

oh gemini boy

i forgive you
you just wanted to be whole
wrote this a long time ago, geminis are oddly inspiring muses.
Sofia Aug 2016
my boy's got me tongue tied in two different languages
he's calling me baby on mondays and sinta 'til sundays
he's got me looking for him in between eskinitas
and cathedrals from quezon avenue to intramuros
all i see are his eyes
and 7,107 islands in the palms of his hands
and i never knew love could be so hard
when your words ran faster than your heart
makata is what they call you
a master of poetry and performance
you called me your greatest work
and you are a master of fiction
manileño is what you are
my boy's got manila's grime and glory
pulsing through his makata veins
he's got makati's lights burning through his irises
he's got the danger of manila beating in his chest
he's got the cries of san juan lodged in his throat
he's got the rhythm of the city in every step
my boy's still a boy
hijo is what you think you aren't
he's got three stars on his back
and he thinks he's the sun
he thinks he can change the world
himagsikan is what he wants
a revolution beginning with him
but tell me makata, manileño, hijo,
my boy
how are you going to save me?
how are you going to love this country?
my boy's tongue tied in two different faiths
my boy forgot to save himself
sinta - darling
eskinita - alley
intramuros - oldest district & historic core of manila
manileño - someone who lives in manila
makata - poet
makati - highly urbanized city in manila
san juan - smallest city in the philippines, site of the first battle of the katipunan; the organization that led the philippine revolution against the spanish
hijo - son/young boy
himagsikan - revolution
Sofia Aug 2016
life always came in twos
two hands, two feet, two eyes
two lovers, two houses, no home
let's call this divinity in its purest sense
two wooden deities to come home to
two cathedrals to worship
a father in one, a savior in the other
let's call this a crusade
let's burn all inhibitions
and set the world as it should be on fire
let's call this a calamity
when the ceiling leaks from summer rain
let's seek refuge in the walls of another
let's live in twos
let's call this fate
let's call being torn - destiny
let's call this drought a blessing
let's love backwards in between
abandoned castles and rotten citadels
let's call living between two creators
the natural order of the world as we know it
let's look to where the sun rises and sun sets
let's forgive the world for being in twos
let's forgive this covenant
and make one of our own
let us accept this cosmic symmetry
we are not halves but whole too.
written for/during creative writing class, based on the painting "christina's world" by andrew wyeth.
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