you were the one that hurt me
you were the one causing all this pain
you were the one that made this happen
yet if you were standing in front of me
with soft eyes and open arms
i would melt into your embrace
with tears you caused dripping down my face

s.s

one day
the clear, endless water
will no longer remind me of you
because you do not deserve that
you are more raging seas
than calm ocean
when i look at you
i should feel the danger
of rough surf
rather than enticement
and the pull of the tides
i will break away
because i know
what a storm like you causes
a destruction
i am still recovering from

s.s

it is overwhelming
the ache in my chest
it breaks apart my insides
leaving happiness oppressed
and the voices they whisper
but elevate to screams
stealing me from sleeping
or invading my dreams
and i'm doing my best
to put up a fight
but the voices are stronger
and they've won for tonight

s.s

everything about you
was soft
from the way you brushed my hair away from my face
and gently kissed my cheek
to the way you rested your hand on my back
or slipped it securely into mine
everything was soft
except for the way you looked at me
for your eyes were hungry
and drowned in desire
but they were rough waters
i would love to slip under

s.s

this love thing is a mess
it's a trap
and we seem to fall so innocently into it

it creeps up on you slowly
until one day you realise what it is
and there's no getting rid of it
and you're happy
you're so ******* happy
there is now a reason to deal with the madness
it's a safe haven in a chaotic world
it's a place to run when things go wrong
it's a feeling of home wherever you are
and you're happy

you're happy until it ends
then you're lost
it's like you're missing a piece of you
and you numb yourself to it
you try to ignore it but it presses against your brain
you can't think of anything else
they're happy and you can't even sleep
you're holding back tears every **** second
and they're laughing like a burden has been lifted

this love thing is a mess
a disaster
a puddle of feelings you can't seem to sort
it breaks you over and over
till there's nothing left to break

when asked
i always choose left

this must be just another way
i never make the right decision

s.s

i believe
i wasn't ready to let go
because i felt oddly close to him
i felt a comfort i hadn't experienced before
like being with him was safer than being with myself
and a connection like that
doesn't come along every day

s.s

she wondered
if he'd keep her artwork
or shred it
like her heart

s.s

he was the best thing
to ever happen to her

but that never meant
they would last

for just like bouquets of roses
even the best things wilt

s.s

i am aware i speak ill of love
but that is only because
i've felt the heartache of love
the pain that coincides
with those sweet butterflies

s.s

i can still smell you on my clothes
and see you burnt into my eyelids
and you still trace my dreams
so to avoid you i don't sleep

my hands are shaking
because i can almost feel you holding them
and my skin itches
where they used to be

i can taste you in the smoke
i’m breathing in to forget you
and i'm not sure if i'm choking
on the fumes or your name

but no matter what
the thought of you makes me dizzy
because ******* memories
flood my head
with tears drowning
everything i could cling to

s.s

i miss you
but i also miss who you used to be
when you cared
and weren't headed down such a dark road

when i look in your eyes
i can still see him
but you're killing him
and i'm not sure if you realise

i will never be with you
when you're like this
because i care to much
to just stand by
and watch your death

s.s

sometimes love
just isn't enough

s.s

one of the hardest things
she had ever done
was sit next to someone she loved
and feel their skin against hers
but not have the courage to kiss them
to grab them and pull them in
for it felt like swimming in the ocean
but never feeling the water

s.s

i hope her smile brings you a euphoria your drugs could never match
that her touch is like ecstasy and sets fire to your skin
i hope you crave her more than you crave death
that she brings on waves of love induced delirium
i hope she fills you with passion
that pours out of your eyes and into hers
most of all i hope she makes you happy
because that is the one thing i couldn't manage to do

s.s

looking at you
felt like coming home
after being away for too long
comforting
welcoming
love at it's finest

s.s

he looked like
everything pure in the world
and she felt like
everything evil

s.s

i wish i could care less
like you tell me i do
i wish my mind
would not be
surrounded
by you
by you
surrounded
i would not be
if i could care less
just as you keep telling me

s.s

he had traveled the world
seeing every beautiful sight there is to see
views that leave you in awe
and make you believe
this world can create
amazing things
he has seen colors
you can't even imagine
painted across the sky
and sprouted from the ground
but even after traveling
sea to sea
she was the only sight
that took his breath away
and made his heart
skip a beat

s.s

are you two back together
how should i respond
when i don't know whether
you still care or not

you might say that you do
but you are the one who left
and i really don't believe you
no matter what you confess

and i've got people in my ear
saying you're bad news
but it ******* hurts to hear
when you're still who i want to choose

so i'm not sure what to say
when people question about us
because it hurts at the end of the day
and it's not something i care to discuss

s.s

losing you
was like losing a limb

i made you a part of me
and depended on you
for so many things

so your abrupt departure
feels strange
like i'm missing
a piece of myself

and i can almost feel
where you used to be
but now there is just empty space
with nothing but pain to see

you were my soul mate
but i was not yours
so i will wear black to your wedding
and watch my hope for your love
pass on

s.s

you dont ******* care
i wish i felt the same
one day soon i swear
i will forget your name

s.s

find me
under the stars
and we can make memories
that will sting your heart
months down the road
and fill your mind
like the full moon lights the sky

s.s

could i hold you
one last time
before this love of ours
truly dies

s.s

people's minds are terrible places
like the devil's dark oasis
and it may be better not to know
what happens behind those closed doors
for in the crevices of our brains
live haunting demons left untamed
where people dream and fantasize
of selfish deeds and taking lives

s.s

falling in love
is like sky diving
and pulling your parachute
only to find that it's ripped

once you've fallen
you can't go back

you thought it would be amazing
but it is suddenly terrifying
a thrill none the less

but there's no halting it

once you've fallen
there's nothing to catch you
and the crash is inevitable

s.s

i don't want an easy stroll
into happily ever after
i want a passion
that will fight through anything
for the good ending
we deserve

s.s

that feeling
when you're driving down the interstate
at a hundred miles per hour
and you're staring out the car window
trying to focus on one object
flying by your vision
but you can't
because it's all going to fast
and your eyes only glitch
unable to grasp stability
and everything is blurred
through speed and tears
while your heart rate escalates
with the cars momentum

that feeling
is the state my mind is in
grasping at everything
yet unable to hold on to anything
frantic and in shambles

s.s

you can delete their contact
block their number
and erase all of their texts

you can burn the pictures
shred the letters
and donate every gift

you can purge yourself of all tangible evidence
that they ever entered your life

but you will never be able to get rid of the way they made you feel

you will never be able to forget their laugh
or the look in their eyes when they told you they loved you

you will never be able to erase the way their touch felt to your skin
or the way it made you feel something you couldn't put into words

you will never be able to delete everything they said from your brain
and it will ring in the air when no one is around

and you will most definitely never be able to obliterate the way they broke your heart
and it will always burn and take your breath away when you hear their name

s.s

your words are locked in your lungs
mixing with *** smoke
but never being exhaled

and your lips are locked shut
except when they're being parted
by some other girl's tongue

so i don't know how to talk to you anymore
because nothing real seems to come out
and you just can not communicate

s.s

talking through the tension
attempting to ignore the feeling in the air
the one we never mention
because we like to pretend it isn't there
that every glare is a misunderstanding
that you are only having a bad day
so we keep talking through the tension
and just push it all away

s.s

what do you do when you can't do anything right
when you try so hard to be that flawless being
that one person everyone adores
but you only seem to mess everything up
and hurt people you love

what do you do
when the one thing you want
is so unattainable
and your passions in life
are too unrealistic

what do you do
when you only let people down
like a setting sun that never rises
like a shot just shy of the target

what do you do when you are close
but never quite there
always just a second choice
never the priority
because i can't do it anymore
and there only seems to be one option
out

s.s

i write when i'm overflowing with emotion

and can no longer contain it

so it is honestly incredible how much you've hurt me

because right now i could fill the ocean with everything i'm feeling

yet i can't even pick up my pen

s.s

it's pathetic
when your eldest child
must be watched
by your youngest
only because
they kept the truth
bottled up
and sent it out to sea

s.s

we could have worked
it just takes effort

s.s

he had a heart in his hand
that he did not own but it was his
and it was heavy with the weight of a ****** up world
far to difficult for him to carry

so he dropped it
done with all the problems it carried
and she dropped to her knees
unable to breathe

s.s

sing lullabies
in between her things
and she will moan hymns
from pleasure within

s.s

rock bottom
is when you no longer feel the need to hurt yourself
because the pain in your heart is overwhelming enough
that the physical aspect is no longer needed

so you sit
and build
this weight in your chest
thinking maybe

just maybe

this alone
will be enough
to do the trick

by the time i saw you
your eyes were already red with tears i failed to catch
and somehow i knew
this was the end

for if i was there sooner
i would have been able to catch all of the broken pieces of your heart
and help you put them back together

but instead your heart hit the floor
and shattered
where i should have stood

so now both of us
are staring at the ground
and somehow i know
this is the end

s.s

if you asked me
to be with you again
i’d say yes
in a heartbeat
thats why
i shouldn’t be your friend
i would always be hoping
one day we’d make it work
and that’s not fair to me
i should be allowed to get over you

s.s

i hope your life
is easier without me
because without you
i can’t ******* breathe

s.s

i wish to carry such strength
that even gravity
will be utterly amazed
at how well
i keep all of my broken pieces
together

s.s

perhaps one day
our paths will cross
and we will sip coffee
as dark as my eyes
under blue skies
as light as yours
and we will reminisce
about the days
we were just dumb kids
falling in love
and how we tore it apart
destroyed each other
because you had no hope
and i was afraid
and we didn't want to get hurt
more than we were
and i'll laugh into my coffee
and sadly smile into your eyes
remembering
how ******* happy we were
imagining
how happy we could have been

s.s

my mom is yelling about something so miniscule it shouldn't be an issue and how dare i speak up but i'm getting fed up but she's on this constant emotional rollercoaster you never know when she will crash or how the alcohol will react

my dad is getting frustrated with the nonsense and stress is consuming him every day threatening his health but he can't confide in his wife so he goes to his daughter instead

my sister is getting **** at school from kids who are insecure with themselves so they feel they need to take it out on soft souls like herself and there's nothing i can seem to do

my boy is not my boy anymore and he used to be one of my best friends but now i can barely look him in the eye without beginning to cry and right now i wish he were hugging me rather than ******* up my head

my friends are unreachable at the times i need to talk since there's no way to contact them when the night marches on so i sit alone and try to figure this out myself, i'd hate to bother them anyways

my head is ******* spinning and i feel dizzy and sick like i'm going insane but i'm not sure if i want to scream and hit the walls or lay still in bed unable to move at all

my life feels messy and i don't know what to fix first, it should probably be myself but i just can't be a priority

s.s

i can’t get you out of my head
******* it’s the only thing i’m thinking
i don’t even want to get out of bed
**** why can’t i stop crying

this would never work?
i would have done anything to make it
but i would only be a ****
asking you to stay just to fake it

i can’t wait till the day
i get over you
instead of wishing you would stay
when there’s nothing i could do

i am weary
because i fear your departure
for you have left once
and i'm sure you will disappear again

s.s

every time you touch me
or i feel you close
it drives me ******* crazy
more than you would know

s.s

im sorry
but i love him
although it's not what you want to hear
that boy
to me
is ever so dear

s.s

i can not decide
whether to say i miss you
or try something new
and let my cold shoulder
freeze you over

s.s