A time for relaxing
A time for cleansing
A time for homework, no matter how little you want to do it
It is known as God's day
the holy day
A new beginning
A fresh start
The day to reset and prepare
for the long week ahead
It the worst day
of the best part of the week
Not quite as bad as Wednesday
but not quite as good as Friday

He was nothing I expected.

He was loud, obnoxious
the complete opposite of anything or anyone
I pictured to be in my life.

He kept me on my toes
called me out on my *******
But he did it in a way that made it impossible to be mad.

He made me laugh
told jokes about dumb things I never would have
thought to be funny .

And he's so smart
in ways that I never could be
with a passion that's intoxicating

But I was scared
scared of the implications surrounding us
scared of all the what if's
scared I would lose everything

So, I turned my back and I ran
I pretended nothing was there

I acted oblivious
like my heart didn't leap into my chest
when he threw his head back and laughed

I erased the night when we danced
when he almost confessed his inner most thoughts
with eyes that made me believe I was beautiful

Because then I would be safe
and what we had up until that point would be safe.

And now he can be with someone who makes sense
for him to be with.

Who isn't afraid.

Who will love him how he should.

And I can still be in his life
on the sidelines.
But in his life.

When we first said
“Hello”
I didn’t know
what it would grow into.

I didn’t know
your eyes would become my favorite
shade of blue
your laugh would become my favorite
scratchy old record
your arms would become my favorite
place to escape to.

When we first said
“Hello”
I didn’t know
that you would become
my hardest
“Goodbye.”

They say the human mind
can’t fathom infinity.
That there are more burning stars
than grains of sand,
That the universe
is ever expanding,
That there is no end.

And this rattles our bodies to the core.
The uncanniness sets in.

But when I sit with you
with your warmth wrapped tightly around me,
Your scent filling my head,
Your voice softly floating in the quiet,
gazing up at the night sky
Infinity doesn’t seem so unfathomable.

First the small details begin to fade
The exact shade of brown in his eyes
The slight rasp in his voice
The warmth of his arms wrapping around you

Second the small moments begin to fade
The smell of smoke tickling your nose
as you sit and roast marshmallows over the fire
The smack of rubber hitting your foot
as you kick the ball to the other side of the field
The pain in your cheeks
as you laugh until you cry because of his ridiculous joke

Lastly the important memories begin to fade
The dizzy feeling of confusion
when he tells you he’s sick and has to stay in the hospital
The burning feeling of anger
when he can’t go back to school like everyone else
The choking feeling of sadness
when he no longer can breathe even with the help of doctors

Eventually all you are left with are
a few foggy, rose-tinted flashes
of childhood memories
a never ending ache in your chest
fueled by unanswerable questions
and an hollowness in your soul
from the absence of your childhood best friend

The human mind can't fathom infinity.

Yet,
when I'm alone with you,
infinity doesn't seem so unfathomable.

When the white noise buzzing of the fan is shut off
there is nothing.

No voices.
No music.
No laughter.

Nothing fills the air.

But then the thoughts,
the ones you've tried to bury long ago,
start creeping in.

And you wish for nothing more
then a life boat of sound
to rescue you.

But you just slowly sink
and drown
in the sound of silence.