Allowing the dust to settle
And the hovering mist to part
You can't live inside of my mind,
There's more space for you in my heart

I keep myself busy to stay aflame
While the world slowly turns
I'm sprinting through days that blur
And suffering through the burns

Toggling between elation and insecurity
Emotions aren't permanent, only temporary
Experience has taught me everyone goes eventually

Resilient to adversity shrouding me
In its tethering web of prickly hairs
Mourning the nascence of elation
And all of the splendor it bewares
A cocktail of hormones straight to the dome
Nostalgia hitting in waves

Dragging me back in time to those hopeless romantic days

Remain Open with
Your Self, Your Heart, Your Mind, and
Happiness you'll find

The rhythm has finally changed

You never expect it so soon

Suddenly neither one cares

When one has an open wound

From where it came matters not

What steps will you take to heal?

Disappearing in the imaginary abyss won't help

unless coming back with something real

The winged sap wades alone

equipped with a razor sharp edge

only when she flies does it dull,

softening to become fully fledged

Singing to herself across the break

as she coasts closer to the peak

Time passes by another week

Another long time and still no sounds

And in that silence, she drowns

I feel this is going nowhere

And I’m just here for your ego

To know I’m still a fish on the hook

For when you’re ready to eat

You make no efforts of security

Or curiosity, and preached about depth when

You’re standing in the shallow end

I should know your plagiarized speeches

And your fake woke phrases

The grand risings happening are the realizations in my head

That you use your mouth for talking but not giving head

The energy faded as soon as you had your cake

That post-sugar high come down

Spoiling your appetite for something sustainable, savory, and fresh

The only thing you’re craving

Is the sweet taste of flesh

Developing plans,
Analyzing projections
In more ways than one

I seek to transmute
my essence into loving
yourself and others.

Sharpening the mind
by living on the edge of
this stainless steel world.

Savor it
Entwined limbs
circulating warmth
Lips sealed together
A misty evening,
thanks to the weather
Minds connected
Harmonious scents
from private places
Serenity among faces
Calloused hands
rubbing forever
A feeling I want
to last

Wading in waters
So suffocatingly deep
Help me, I'm drowning

You maniacal clown
Disguise your desires
with a ****-serving brow
and a ****-eating grin
Thicken your tongue
with salivary persuasions
tingling with malintent
Shredding my mouth
so it hurts to speak
Infiltrate my neurons
until they’re rewired
and I have no more desires

Still, in the fourth quarter
Disabled, a depressed hoarder
Permeation meets ideation
Tectonic joints sliding away
Collapsing Ebony Atlas
In ruin and decay
Water and rock erode away
Foundation, damaged
Weakened support
Overwhelm and pressure
Leading to the break
Dreaming about the long sleep
Paralyzed while awake

I want to stay up late and write about everything I hate
Everything stemming from a lack of humanity
Why am I living through this time of insanity
Is it to make me stronger, capable of anything great?
It is more pain and struggle to endure
More thoughts to flood my waking mind
and stifle my gasping breath
What a time to be alive
when close contact is killer
and true vulnerability is exposure
When connection is weak and the circuits are short
Isolation is preferred to stave that depression wave
that everyone rides at some breaking point or another
The swell is huge and I have had my fill
Swimming to the bank to cash my earnings in clothes
Drinking alkaline for balance over all of the swill
Doomsday prepping for anything goes
Leaning on what’s left of my will

Soft as a fledgling
caressing my face
Nature's whimsy

As the sun swelters,
I wear the sky with clouds
to keep me light and breezy.

I wonder if people wonder
about me, and if I’m worth
remembering, when I’m projecting
my voice yet can barely hear
my piece over the weight of
the feast. Looking like a snack
won’t sate these beasts. It’s hard
to know your place–when you are
where you’re supposed to be, yet
feel like you don’t belong anywhere.
When the instant reaction to express
your heart lies locked in the spark of
executive dysfunction, and the moment
has wafted away like the lingering smell
stale of yesterday; inner-critique quelling
my own lips from yelling to command
a room’s attention. Not to mention my
vanity lies in personality, skill, intrigue
lack of chatter implies a vestige of depth
for one to sink beneath the surface
yet I wade in opaque waters, watching
reflections to learn just what it is
that ignites hearts that burn

I plan to unlock
untapped potential to reach
heights I've not yet known.

I will not attack
my lack of activity.
I am still alive.

Have you met my friend Shame?
He’s not really my friend, he’s kind of a **** actually
Yet I keep him around
He’s not the best company,
he really brings me down.
I don’t ask for his opinions, he just barks them at me
telling me you’re stupid, you ****
you’re not good at anything
you don’t care about anything, really
you’ll never be where you want to be
He hovers like the annoying office-space pusher
and drones on, and on, and on
about how it doesn’t matter if you feel good
because you’re never gonna be good
and how everything you do is inadequate
(compared to whom, I have no idea)
and everything you say is incorrect
(on what scale, I can’t imagine)
and how you will never be able to accept
what you think you deserve
because you don’t deserve anything
(how dysfunctional to say)
And while this nihilist is that and more,
I continue to bade in his company
Buying into his lines a little deeper each time
He has quite the convincing nature,
for he just keeps going on and on
He says I don’t deserve anything
I definitely don’t deserve this

Fall feelings are here...
orange outsides and green plants.
I've been here a while.

Procrastination
the greatest motivator,
eventually.

Inspired by light
and a likeness between us;
No shade needed here.

Framed beauty through a screen
  with added accessories
Painted movement so pristine
  garnishing the best of me
Looking deep into a darkness
siphoning a will long lost
Emerging from the crevice created
by breaking boundaries at a cost
Morphing my form to fit my soul
Desperately wanting to fill its hole

Orange captures
Green soothes
Blue mellows
Red moves

Yellow calms
White blinds
Brown warms
Black binds

Smoky hues are what I see

Smoggy vapors hindering me

Suffocating my esophagus

Closing the gap for air

I take advantage of breathing fine

Until the taste of that sooty despair

Post-coughing fit drip

Trickles down smooth muscle

Dispersing harmful combatants

Respiratory defenses on high

Propelling toxic slime

Attacking vulnerable minds

Incapacitated
Dilapidated
The words don’t come
Like they used to
Swimming in fears to
Get those ears unclogged
From years of silencing the self
What new Hell is this?
Purging emotion as if it’s
...All that’s left
How did I make it through before?
I do regret wishing I was happy
I still feel empty inside,
And this was the desired result
Or maybe when the moon turns I’m meant
To be reminded of my humanity
And take the world on, resting on my back
To continue to be strong
To remember the importance of feeling
So that I do not lose myself to create
An apathetic state of emergency
Then what good will emerge from me?

I emptied my chest;

An old casket encasing

a dying blood pump.

End one task, start another
No time to bask, reptile mother
Swallow fast, you may not rest
Finish your plate to be the best
Sliding from one screen to the next
Running tabs of information
Saved, but not learned
Promises given, but not earned
Words fall short with no action
A disengenuous, disassociated faction
Of new lifers, new beginners who
Believe there are no surprises left
When there was a reason for everything,
Now only excuses matter and suffice
Where truth prevailed, honesty is now brutality
The only way to make someone see
What is wrong with them, never Me
Blame-game doubles as adults
Accountability shaded by one’s faults
Voices carry over one another
To avoid actually listening
The narcissist’s kingdom we’ve come to
A palace of selfish, self-centered thieves
Focused on serving themselves
Regardless of who is bereaved

My momentum flows
like a river downstream and
doesn't stop for dams.

Pounding heads and churning guts lie
next to me on an old quilt under fleece
Still stuffy air enters heavy lungs and leaves
Coming over the hill behind the sea
was an overwhelming sight to see
Endless gray intersecting with sky
reflecting backward and forwards
where perspective meets the eye
Rotted plankwood will lead to demise
executed by jagged shore rock and waves
carrying one away to the ephemeral light
bobbing below the surface that fades
Out with the old days to make room for new,
recounting last year’s glaze
Remembering like it was yesterday
how sick you’d gotten so soon
A tender heart I’ll always have,
and an old, nurturing soul, too
Awakened by life with fresh eyes,
stimulating a walk to take with you

Stuccoed silence
Insects of the night
sing their songs
“Take two”–Kava will calm
your nervous system
Full rinse cycle to repeat
Reset once dampened, dry
when you can breathe
Don’t ponder the we
but stay tuned for me
Belt that energy from your throat
Something got your goat?
I’m only intense when you’re gone
My intent is to keep you drawn
but you’re long gone in my mind
Some words I can’t find
in the right moment
I’ve gathered you know it
A few times you’ve shown it
Each time you’ve blown it
Yet I still can’t disown it
Stars twinkle and planes glide
in the sky–I know you’ve looked
checked The Book
Not sure who’s the bait and hook
Missing you like a bad pop song
“Take two”–Kava to calm
my nervous system
Full cycle rinse to repeat
Buttered with scotch and bittersweet

If only my voice
carried over to deaf ears...
This is my struggle.

Inspired enough to write a touch
about what’s been going on
To review, let’s hop back to when
I redacted my word, regarding the only one
who prompts me to bite my tongue
when I say something absurd
which is rarely, more like I never show
that unsavory side of me, though
I know I really should
Because he has little shame when
attempting to diffuse pain so he
dished it the easiest way he could
But my philosophy is some things
just aren’t meant to be,
but I am the only one who declares,
though it’s never that easy;
If you believe, things can happen
so I never lost hope on that one
and we tied that knot by our tongues,
crossed our pinkies and our legs
and fell for the diamonds
in the rough of rotten eggs
Finding happiness with each other while
finding happiness within ourselves
is what I’ve always wanted
but without the wedding bells
A stretch of land measures between our hands
and is the ultimate wall of separation
But life is paving the way for some kind of break
from all these trials and tribulations
I believe we’re on the right path so as
long as we don’t stray, the future will be
a full and satisfying plate

Relationships are
codependent; Partnerships
are coefficient.

Catching up on sleep
is a myth that nobody
can really achieve

Have you heard about your hands,
how they’re the devil’s play things?
When entwined with my fingers
we cradle til numb, fine friction from
a twiddling thumb; graceful extremities
fondling every surface covering,
generating and extracting energies

With a hover they raise the dead
cells on my flesh and walk the sacred
space of nerve-endings with a trace
and trails of my racing heart
They’re smooth and soothe wounds
that can’t be spoke, knocking at
my teeth to wrestle my tongue
seducing me from the inside

Your hands are the tools
of your trade, skilled to persuade
and bade time--for it doesn’t exist
Unable to resist your palms upon me,
pockets of warmth radiating heat,
I relish in the sin of wanton skin
waiting to play with fire again

In order to heal,
apply pressure to pain with
volition and strength.

Beware happiness;
It can be draining if you
delve in it too deep.

Determination
shouldn't expire at the
cost of an alarm.

Morning rituals--
Crap! I overslept, coffee,
and contemplation.

I want to be your
personal alarm clock to
start your morning right.

Twisting through the dark
Stifled by heat, panting for
a cool draft of air.

Your absence simmers
a saucy mixture of spice
that's good for your health.

Out of the woodwork
they peek until they're spotted
and then they retreat.

Nothing really to whine about this time
Throwing out your past does wonders for the mind
Almost done dwelling on what doesn’t need to be
Organized stacks of fantasies...clutter free
Premonitions poured from the heart of me
I couldn’t comprehend love til now
Been meaning to burn old written words
and release their content away
The day has come that all of me will allow
the desecration of the unrequited days
dragged too far along in life
because the idea still remained
Stopped loitering on too many side-thoughts
Got caught up with the right train
Been warmer in the cold this time around
These days, I don’t mind rain

Kitchen-hungry red
Ocean-water teal
Blacks bonded together
Stitched and adhered
   contemporarily
Symmetrically
    stacked
  to lay flat
on my kitchen floor
Crimson 50′s clock
quietly going tick-tock
during rests of audio activity
Wrestling with dogs
during the turning of cogs
to unwind pent up energy
The day of rest and solitary conquest
puts me in no hurry to leave this nest
For I appreciate and want to bathe in
everything I have...for now.