We sat on rustic patio chairs
In the middle of a brightly shining neon sign
I lean back and lit a cigarette for both of us
As you exhale the smoke through your mouth
It projects a cloud
That floats over the red neon letters
Dimming it for a few seconds
And releasing light once more on my gaze
Smoke portals through my nose
And casts a screen between you and I
All I can do to keep silent
Is to stare in your eyes
Sometimes when I look back
In my memory of that night
We're sitting on a balcony
Or inside a vintage boutique
Or walking endlessly through brick paved side-streets
But I know the truth
And somehow it comforts me till this very day
We chit-chat a while
Politics
Your mother
The weather
Until you took me home
And I drift asleep
In your
Passenger seat

Shoved back
By this thin black veil
Held neatly
By Hades thin fingers
No longer guided by angels
Soft
And sad
The look I give
Can smash their dreams
This eradicating wormhole
These words are yours to sing
As you enter heaven
I feel bitter
Caught between two points
Sharing these embers
For better use
And once more
So at ease
Tired
Angry
Melted away
By your digitized wisdom

Smother my creation
My furious space
Lock the door
Force this tangible restlessness
And mortal wound
Upon me
Rise against my every word
Dressing my cares with every delicacy
Beat my heart
Without a pause or glance
Because for no
I will resist
But know
That this could be construed as love

Mentioning the word "forever",
Feels like an excuse
Whether it's in terms of commitment
Or the future held between you and another person
There really is no forever
I knew this as I stepped out of your car
Turning to look around the parking garage
Somewhat hesitant to be there
We agreed to take a moment and catch our breath
In the here and now of our busy lives
So we drove to Medley Park
It was late afternoon,
And the masses of people had started to die down
Allowing a flood of teenagers and twenty-somethings
To walk around and talk in serious ways
All throughout the promenades
The scene felt reminiscent of a Paris strip
As night fell, she and I strolled hand in hand
Around the gardens and cobblestone sidewalks
Smiling at strangers
And gazing at the neon lights
That illuminated the alleyways
Of this glazed over palace of noir architecture
Strange now,
How I forget I was too nervous
Nor remember when you touched my hand

It won't be the same

Childhood flowering to blue

One last night to die, longingly

Indecisive

Open

Flesh dawn

Her eyes string silver corners

And throb to an ancient pulse

Sunlight pain

Calm end to a pure sound

Do these these things make time sleep for you?

Our vessels
Fleeting
Naked
Conceptual exit
Bleached impermanence
Change in warmth
Back inside now
Aspiring
Our gaze
Breaking repose
Rhythmic
Bold
Throat collapse
Acidic and electric
Fixation and rapture
Swollen dust
A moment gone
Days late
Lacking demise
Flooded with broken failures

I'm passing you
In the left lane
Moving slow
Molasses in winter
Charming beauty seen right through
Kissing booth in Vegas
Peyote sun in Jersey
And things change
People expire
The hurt consumes you
Remember when you were a child
When things lasted forever

No one knows anyone anymore
Anyone knows
No one wants to know
Has life always been like that?
Funny now
That I should have known
That even within these feelings
They were but a stranger
Even to you

We won't forget you

Here above man

Below our lords

You rest

With grace

Our love held

Eternally

In your honor

We pray daily

And I search

Fulfill
And wait for those
Who do not keep friends long
Or drench their cruelty
With the malice
Held tightly behind their teeth
Keep close for now
And the silence may guide you
After all this time
The sea swept away everything else
Ounces of stupor born from a bottle
And the weight thereof
Made gold
By wisdom far away

Begin again

The unplayed nostalgic sounds

A gentle whisper and caress on your birthday

Your mother leaving a light on for me

That safe smell of heat in your parents house

Leave me here by the forest
Revealing measured suffering
Confusion of a knife
Denied importance
Swallowing common voids
Unspoken process
Hungering for faceless absolution
Lighthouse eyes
A funeral in full bloom

You told it was important
Told me it was the last thing you had
A brutal honesty about you
Crying from denial
A broken keyboard
A fast laugh or two
Mostly from your brother
Or the girl behind the counter
Just at once
Your parents
Fast asleep
Watching the ball drop
My friend in the crowd
Stolen wine
Given time
How precious this was
So it was taken
Away

She left me
Leaving me
She saved me
Saving me
Killed her
Her death awoke me
Awaking me
I left her

Oh we lay for a while
Bleaching in the city sun
Carefully awaiting
Reproach
The bustling traffic below
Chain-smoking a dozen Camels
Hearing for the first time
Our, call
Mall entrances
Cafe doorsteps
Bus stations
Even you
Even you didn't know you would go away
So for the first time
Let it be the last time
Gone

God, and I felt so terrible
That you were obliged to sit in that corner
Fearing the worst
But I never withdrew my eyes
And they didn't stop talking
They thought they had my love
You knew it was beautifully fused in you
So I quickly take your hand
Out the backdoor
Into your car
Light up two Red's
Twenty-two degrees
Pass the winding street
Where my lover sleeps

Beautiful death
Shiny handles on your sister's casket
Denial of a thousand doors
A shadow's noise
To examine a dull moon
Kinder notice with innocence grasping
Angel awake
A stomach full of ocean
Rapture saves, a pool fades
There are no second questions
And at last
Her weeping
Removed

Securing your perfection
A glossy light
Held by two strings from a dying star
Six million noises put in their place
Chrysalis agony

Feeling too weak
She is torn out from my chest
Fleeting from my heart
You can call us even
Projecting sounds of defeat
Grandiose
Feeling better now
Throwing these things to the side
Giving off the scent of your skin
Finding you cold
Wet
Naked
For me
To taste
And warm you
Born with the bluest eyes
With the sin inside
Just once more

Watch the sea as a fire empties out into you

You are a walking dream

I pray we find hidden truths to extend your myth

We're finally coming home

With this story I understand a complete hope

A house of red

Second smoke

Falling asleep in your bath at twilight

You will always adore her
Always
Even with her hands around your throat
Especially then
A ton of love
Soon to be followed
A ghost

Days passed with no regard to time or events
I'm on my own
No strings attached
As much as people tell small things do not matter,
I cannot reckon with those thoughts
Everything matters
The time, the place, the story
The room, the people, the looks
It all comes together
Life isn't as simple as everyone around me wants it to be
And so I meet her
She walks into my apartment
Comments on how clean it is
Immaculate, is the word I liked better
She changes clothes
And we head out for a night of bliss
Dancing, drinks,
Gaslight lounging in booths that stuck out in a nostalgic way
I became awestruck
With a magnitude of euphoria that pumped through my veins
Ribbed through my head to toes and back
I was dizzy
I was happy
I knew this is what should take place,
At least once in every person's life
Give yourself that one night
And your fever sweats itself out

Consider my dues paid
Brewed with freedom
Pain melancholy
Intricately woven in
With a severe lack of care
I somehow guessed
We would part ways
Finally

Dreams of a lovers skin
Speaking of defeat among men
Pride
Bodies in the woods
Again feeling pure wounds
Sold
Crawling from a womb
Songs
Weight
Asked
Fallen power to collect
A ruined dress
There are memories missing from you that one day will be stepped upon in thoughtless falter

I still fathom your demise

The roads are begging of return

You leave your house because of the weather

We speak of promises

I won't be much longer

Georgia and its quietness

Defining ruin the best way possible

Here lies the only answer you expect

Of silence

The pain and I

Bring your own home

And your neck throbs in syncopated sweat

Pleasing ascension

One final night drive

Listening to the lullaby from lost river

I still would not believe you
A smell of damage
Laughing as your nightmare flickers
Vague proclamation to destroy
Asleep on a girl's hips
Our insanity has fallen by the river
Why must it be like this

Forced transmission
Minutes on fingers towards hospitals
Closer to gold now
Bitter taste to sip from this temple
Even more of your known erosion
Songs heal the gaze of the innocent
This face of mine falls to hold the nights spent warmth
False enigma
Cry
Forgotten
Blues mixed with reds
A feeling of something more than her

The lights go low
On this city tonight and you
Are you waiting?
Scared
I am
Scared
He often looked into my eyes
Maybe said it once
Maybe twice
Mentioned it was always like this
Vibrating
And echoes moved past
Take a bow
Leaning over my balcony
Stretched out in the moonlight
Waiting
Come closer
I know I should have left
Run away
But still afraid
And the rain
It won't stop coming down
Hit repeat
Light me one up
Let's go through this again
You comfort me
That's what he said

These sweet memories will be buried in time
Sleep tonight and know a morning peace
Hidden words to an end
Complete
Final
Music on a highway
Their silent thunder can never match mine

And of love never known

Trembling

Waiting

This neon midnight speaks of more

Pounding silence or a hand held too close

Fearing the fast swords from God

And a dim solicitude that falls to ashes

And it will never go away
With blameless transcendence
Delicate machines choking
Slowing perpetuated logic
Failure in a green pool
Weaker to welcome
Power lines down in October
A spiders ninth leg
Phantom systems asleep
Backyard rapture
Circling hope as a drain opens

Intangible strength
Quiet love
Finding new meaning in darkness
A moths demise
Our eyes will speak of more

The width and depth of the ocean
Winds my spine upward
Sending distress signals
Of the souls
Lost for eternity
In lust
Speaking of the wisdom
Once held in fortresses
Beneath the waves
Haunting dreams
I have yet to fathom
And the thoughts
That escaped my head
During the lonely nights
I think of you my dear,
In the gasp of breath
Reaching out
Lingering on
Without remorse
Please help this drowning disaster

You could leave
But you can't go
I can still feel you in my soul
And for you to carry this away
I guess you'll have to stay
Or you'll end up alone
Please know
I can still smell you in my clothes

Bold
Years ago,
I had three words for that night
Or was it six?
They'll come back
I'm sure
Rather, I'll find them
Unsure during the search
Years ago,
I see warmth
My throat goes numb
I open a red door
Face flushed
Structural purity
Fusing cells with mine
Discomfort
Something quiet
From the end

You said falling felt like dreaming

We speak of holding with teeth

A warmth forms inside your chest

This death

Is the last time

Frailty

Unmatched in depth

Your eyes swell with heat

How can a person live
With the mundane?
With the trivial?
It knocks into your precious thoughts
And breaks the fine china of your sanity
The glass pouring in light
Becomes muggy
Nod into the direction of freedom
Run away
Take whatever is in store for you

You climbed out the window that night
But I followed you
We ran for a bit
Rain fell
Your comprised rendition
Placed before you
Looked up
For a second
Still
Breathing
In solace
Streetlight above my head
Don't leave
Walk across this broken land
With me
Encapsulate my thoughts
On the edge of this night sky
Thinking thoughts
My love
You have been given before
Spellbound
These fragments
I'm willing
To walk you home

It's all over now
Lovely but forgotten
Showing less each time
Bathing unspoken insecurities
Envisioning whispered structures
Not bereft of your distant existence
Birthed features fading again
Useless rhythm keeping time
Trapped completely
Stripped of a promised exit
The start of your electric identity
Savage instruments underneath
I collapsed with convicted acceptance
An evening with dissolved delicacy
Dozing on your eternal shoulders

Please
Please let me get what I want
Be present
Shining down
Your eyes
Crouched
By the window frame
With mortal flesh
Beam light
Through the doorway
As you collapse
On my couch

Just keep me alive
Sleep pendulation
Deluxe cell reincarnation
Mercy lays upon you adept and compatible
Subliminal narration
Your recurring shadow children
Unfiltered anguish
Disillusionment
Cruelly I recall

She blinks at you from across the room
Unsure, you move to a corner table
You ask about film
The most predictable subject of all
It's good
With a quiet rasp settled in the back of her throat
Darting eyes
Slivered retractions of fingertips
Hold
It's a command, almost
Bringing a stack of books, they're left in front of you
You're grateful and surprised
A turn of the shoulder and she's gone
Night falls and you're reminded you need rest
You're approached by her on the way to your car
Drunk, but concerned, you listen for now
Shuffled into a long drive is all you can remember
When your eyes glaze back to the scenery
You're in a gray slate parking garage
A table laid before you
It won't hurt that much she says
You see a syringe, a box, shreds of paper
An idle black electronic device sitting in front
You barely stand
Static from a TV is noticed
But across the street through smudged windows
There's nothing in it she says
A belt is tied around your right bicep
Your arm becomes a veined map
A piece of paper appears
You grasp and write 7-0-0-1 and 2-9-6-4
Smoke settles within your midst
Hums and tragedy fill your thoughts
You don't know if this is you

I've been searching for you
In an endless sea of white
Torrential
With a frail head
And split intentions
Searching memories
Currents of you
Bringing scars of past breaths
Half buried
A cruel reminder
Of how deep this can go
Magnetic
Sum of parts brush past
Impure space
Glowing total
You are so near
Falling with grace
I want you
And will wait once more

Y el dolor sigue ahí
Ahora ido
Tuya eternos

Your window rolled down
The smoke
Pouring out of my mouth
Like your chimney in winter
And yet
The whole time
I perceive things moving slow
My grinning face
Your laugh
All the lights from driving down the highway
That every few seconds
Light up our faces horizontally
And flash in terrific blinding orange stripes
But still
Moving slowly
Softly
Like the gentle waves of foam at night
The car slows
The engine dies
I climb out dizzily
I realize we've arrived at the ocean
Just in time for a midnight swim, you say

Campus streets
College jeans
Drinking
Excitement
Football teams
Tuition fees
Classroom leans
Confusion
Home
Dorm room dreams
Finals it seems
Ready to scream

Maybe
Just maybe, it was all one sad moment
My mind rushed through the series of consequences
Could feel myself dry out
With your voice
Crackling
And shaking
I never felt such mortality
Promised it was for the best
For the return would be much sweeter
Promised I could still
Feel pain
As I write this in a cold coffeehouse
Flooded
No
Bare
Now you know
I never came back

Sit with me brother
Watch
As the world turns
And burns
Breaths filled with smoke
And the broken hope
Of machines
As our very last friend
Taste its pleasure
As I laugh at jokes
Inside this heart of solitude
Seeing the patterns
Of a morphine drip
Lead straight to your thoughts
Life's last request
To be held
Till your end