I was always warned
About the monsters below the bed
But no one ever told me
About the demons in my head

I used to always run
From the creatures in the night
But the true evils I can't run from
For it's my mind I have to fight

I thought the monsters were real
And they scared me, so I'd hide
But now I know, the evils I can't see
Are a much much bigger deal

She said she was fine
But he knew her lies

She would always smile
But he knew it lasted only a while

She thought nobody knew she exists
But he put her at the top of his list

She broke down after school
But he tried to help. she called him a fool

She doesnt notice he hurts too
But hes the one who cared and knew

She doesnt know why he died
But he was only protecting her life

She found a letter adressed to her
But he knew it hurt her worse

She figured out how he felt
But he was gone and without help

She found how he had met his demise
But he had stabbed the guy from whom she had to hide

She had always been harassed
But he saw the gun and felt the blast

She had loved him back
But he would never know that little fact

She can now sleep at night
Not having to hide and be in fright
But he payed the ultimate price
Caring for her with his own life.

I deserve it.
I  get it.
All i know s being lied to.
I don't know what it is about me.
I guess i'm simply not worth the truth anymore.

You don't hear me when i say, mom, please wake up, dad's with a ****, and your son is smoking cannabis.

No one ever listens this wallpaper glistens don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen.

Places places get in your places theow on your dress and pur on your dollfaces

everyone thinks that we're perfect please don't let them look through the curtains.

Picture, picture smile for the picture
Pose with your brother won't you be a good sister.

everyone thinks that we're perfect please don't let them look through the curtains

I looked at my wrists today and where my veins used to be were dotted lines
"Cut here" they said.
And I tasted salt on my lips
For a second I thought it was French fries that I consumed earlier
But I realized it was tears
And as I fall to a sack of blood and puddle of tears on the floor
All I can think is another year
Another year without you and I will go crazy
And I will not have you
Because there are girls prettier than me
Because there are girls that are worth more
That think better of themselves
That aren't sick in the ******* head
There are girls out there who you deserve
And not just the one you got stuck with.

I remember when I would help with dinner at my grandparents house.
My grandpa would always have me cut up vegetables.
He always told me I was holding the knife the wrong way, he didn't want me to hurt myself.
He would hold my hand and help me cut the vegetables so I would learn.
Well now that I'm older I dont need help.
Now that I'm older I avoid dinner.
I know how to hold knives.
The difference is that now I don't care how I hold it.
I am so careless.
Cause when I put it to my paper skin and watch the Ink fall out I just keep thinking about how my grandpa would remind me to hold it right so I don't cut myself and he would put his big hand over mine and show me how to do it the right way so I don't hurt myself.
But grandpa  now that I'm older that's all I use knives for.

"Are you okay?"
You ask

"Well define 'okay'"
I answer

My heart is beating
Granted, too fast

My blood is flowing
I just checked

My brain is functioning
I'm thinking too much

My stomach is active
It's angry for me not eating

My lungs are moving
I'm just out of breath

Beyond physically?
No I'm definitely not okay

She started doing exercises so she could be stretchy.
So she could be ****.

She started putting on makeup so she could be pretty.
So she could be perfect.

She started starving herself so she could be thinner.
So she could be a winner.

She started cutting so she could they'd all notice her.
So she'd with her demons concur.

She hang herself so she wasn't in the way.
So she didn't have to stay.

When we're in the car i can't hum to myself silently, but my brother is allowed to scream along to whatever is in his headphones.

When we're in the car and i ask my brother to stop jumping because his arm hits my face wverytime he does so
I am told to shut up.

When i ask for help i am always just told that i am the oldest one.
But my brother is only 10
So when he asks they're all there with whatever he needs.

When i comment on something my parents won't listen and ask me to shut the **** up.
But when my brother asks, they're all about listening and telling him that he is oh so right.

When i am crying i am told that i have no reason to do so.
But when my brother is crying they're all asking if they can help.

When i want to be with friends i am told that i don't spend enough time with my family.
But when it's my brother, of course he can!

When i want time alone i am told to babysit my littlesister.
When my brother wants time alone he ******* gets it..

And when i say i think that it's unfair, they tell me i'm ridiculous and i also had the perks of being a kid...
But is there no perks of being the oldest?