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Apr 2016 · 1.1k
That should be me.
Holly Apr 2016
That should be me,
Kissing your lips.
That should be me,
Buying you gifts.
That should be me,
Holding your hand.
That should be me,
Making you laugh.
Apr 2016 · 1.2k
Text i Never Sent
Holly Apr 2016
I love you
I love you
I really ******* love you
And you don't love me and that's okay i guess
Because in the end you are still my best friend
And i just want you to be happy
Even if its not with me
And i think your the greatest person in the world
And you put yourself down
Oh god your smile is beautiful
And your eyes are stunning
And i love you
And i'm sorry for that.
Apr 2016 · 709
I was.
Holly Apr 2016
"I never thought of them as lovers; they were
Poems ready to pitch themselves off the edge.
I was their sign to danger.
I was the last few sentences of a suicide note left on the counter on a Sunday morning.
I was an emergency siren screaming and no one noticed.
I was silent sugar sweet and no one could see they were using me to give themselves cavities.
I was simply the white lighter left in the pocket of a boy who never came home."
Apr 2016 · 541
Holly Apr 2016
How could i not be,
Be utterly intoxicated by you?
I have always
Lacked self-control
And i have never cared
To sip you *slowly
Apr 2016 · 672
Holly Apr 2016
He only whispers i love you
As he slips his hands
Down the waistband
Of your pants
This is where you must
Understand the difference
Between want and need
You may want that boy
But you certainly
Don't need him.
Apr 2016 · 1.3k
You've Got To Love Yourself.
Holly Apr 2016
Kid, you've got to love yourself.
You've gotta wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee,
And stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn.
You've got to sit next to the man on the train station who's reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You've got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you've got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You've got to stop taking everything so ******* personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You've got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You've got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that wont matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You've got to stop worrying about what you're going to tell her when she finds out. You've got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You've got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. **** it. Love yourself, kiddo. You've got to love yourself.
Apr 2016 · 415
Holly Apr 2016
~Are you in love?
~Of love?
The one i love doesn't love me.
Apr 2016 · 611
Romeo & Juliet
Holly Apr 2016
If you will die for me,
I will die for you
And our graves will be like
2 lovers washing their clothes together
In a laundry mat,
If you bring the soap
I will bring the bleach.
Apr 2016 · 435
Holly Apr 2016
Before you **** yourself,
Just remember
That there are
Places you have not been,
And things you have not seen.
And poems to awe,
Art to draw,
Fields to walk through,
People to talk to,
Music to take in,
Games to win,
And books to be read.
So why?
Oh why,
Do you wish
To be dead...
Apr 2016 · 437
Holly Apr 2016
Mad. Mad thoughts.
Crazy. Twisted. Sinewy.
Mad obsession, you sicken me.
You're so beautiful, love.
I grind you into a fine, soft powder,
And inhale you,
And then lick you off my fingers.
Now love, answer me.
Your face brings me death everyday.
And everyday i can't wait to die.
Bury me now, love.
Bury me now.
Apr 2016 · 630
Holly Apr 2016
In the sea of desk there's talk of
bags & games
and long pipes that leak dreams
with strike of a match
and there's a loudness to the
whispers i hear
whispers shouldn't be that
loud, should they?
There's a girl over there who
everyone knows
and men without ears who will
stand by the door for a price
In long hallways, there are angry
mobs of dwarves and rats
and one single angel.
Mar 2016 · 446
Holly Mar 2016
Mar 2016 · 12.4k
Your Not In Love With Her.
Holly Mar 2016
If yelling at her in an argument doesn't make your throat burn like you just downed 6 shots,
you don't love her.
If her eyes can't make you stop in your tracks and think about what you're about to say next,
you're not in love with her.
If her laugh doesn't make you tense up your knuckles thinking about never hearing it again,
you're not in love with her.
If her voice can't calm you're worst anxiety attacks and makes you want to listen to anything she has to say,
you're not in love with her.
If her smile doesn't make you're chest quake and your lungs shrink but feel refreshed all in one motion,
you're not in love with her.
If her taking off her clothes is when you pay the most attention to her, you're not in love with her.
Mar 2016 · 423
Holly Mar 2016
People like you,
The good people,
They always die.

And the bad people,
They do too.

But the weak people,
Like me.

We have inherit
The Earth.
Mar 2016 · 351
Risk Your Life.
Holly Mar 2016
You step outside,
You risk your life.
You take a drink of water,
You risk your life.
And nowadays you breathe,
And you risk your life.
Every moment now,
You don't have a choice.
The only thing you can chose,
Is what your risking it for.
Mar 2016 · 393
Holly Mar 2016
Sometimes it's good to be scared.
It means you've still got something to lose...
Mar 2016 · 316
Holly Mar 2016
If you get a chance, Take it.
If it changes your life, Let it.
Nobody said it'd be easy,
They just promised that it'd be worth it.
Mar 2016 · 415
Holly Mar 2016
My heart cold and you the one
To blame for that ****,
My next relationship i
Promise ill be trained for that ****,
Cause now i'm thinking
Like a ***** so i don't get
Played like a *****.
Mar 2016 · 283
Holly Mar 2016
They say you dont know
What you got til its gone,
They say that your
Darkest hour comes
Before ya dawn.
Mar 2016 · 381
Holly Mar 2016
Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess...

That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.

But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free;
So I ask of you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they're doing's not right,

You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad;
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival,
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival.
Mar 2016 · 327
Holly Mar 2016
They tell you to be yourself,
And they judge you...
Mar 2016 · 465
Holly Mar 2016
A long-term mental disorder of a type involving a
Breakdown in the relation between thought,
Emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception,
Inappropriate actions and feelings,
Withdrawal from reality and
Personal relationships into fantasy
And delusion, and a sense of mental
Feb 2016 · 397
Holly Feb 2016
Having or relating to two poles or extremities

Characterized by both manic and depressive episodes, or manic ones only.
Feb 2016 · 525
Suicidal Thoughts
Holly Feb 2016
Suicidal thoughts,
Also known as suicidal
Ideation are thoughts about
******* oneself,
Which can range from a detailed
Plan to a fleeting consideration and
Does not include the final act of killing oneself.
Feb 2016 · 353
Panic Disorder
Holly Feb 2016
A psychiatric disorder
In which debilitating
Anxiety and fear arise
Frequently and without
Reasonable cause.
Feb 2016 · 474
Holly Feb 2016
A feeling of worry,
Or unease,
Typically about an
Imminent event or
Something with an
Uncertain outcome.
Feb 2016 · 2.0k
Holly Feb 2016
Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.
Feb 2016 · 407
"These Will Make You Happy"
Holly Feb 2016
As i walked out the therapist office
I have even more guilt on my face than i did when i walked in,
She told me i had depression.
She told me i had anxiety.
She handed me a prescription.
She told me,
These will make you happy.
On my drive home that repeated in my head.
"These will make you happy"
No. They wont.
Nothing can stop what i go through.
I went home just to sleep all day again.
I try to keep myself awake but i just can't.
I feel like i can sleep forever.
I slowly fall asleep.
I wake-up to my mother telling me to take my meds.
The words "these will make you happy"
Once again runs through my head.
I get a glass of water to take my meds,
Just to go back to bed.
The next morning i wake up
My mother screams, "Take your meds!"
I get a glass of water to take my meds,
Then i get dressed for school for a day to start again.
Everyday the words
"These will make you happy"
Is always running through my head.
Honestly how i feel alot.
Feb 2016 · 280
Thank you.
Holly Feb 2016
I've honestly tried hard,
Sometimes i think to hard.
You've literally changed me.
Changed the way i see love.
Now i think i'm in love with you..
You say you're in love with me.
I hope you are.
You truly have shown me true love.
My mother & father haven't event shown me love at all.
You make me feel like i deserve to be on this earth.
Hell, you're the reason i'm still here.
If it wasn't for you i'd be long gone.
And i love you so ****** much...
You've gave me a reason to stay here,
You've gave me happiness.
And oh my god how i just want to thank you.
Thank you.
Feb 2016 · 527
Holly Feb 2016
I loved you..
An i guess i thought you
Loved me back.
But i saw those messages,
The messages between you
& her..
And it made me think just maybe..
Maybe im not the only one.
Feb 2016 · 253
Holly Feb 2016
I am not angry,
I am in pain.
And you put me here!
The person who's
Suppose to love me more
Than Anything...
Jan 2016 · 4.5k
I Follow My Dreams...
Holly Jan 2016
I get laughed at,
I get ignored,
I often feel trapped,
and keep my thoughts stored.
People can be cruel and very mean,
but no matter what,
I follow my dreams

Life has waves,
I know that.
But I stand brave,
and just take the crap.
I may feel exhausted and totally creamed,
but no matter what,
I follow my dreams.

I know what I want,
and I won't stop trying.
Quitting? I can't,
for now I'm flying.
It's impossible, it seems,
but no matter what,
I follow my dreams...
Nov 2015 · 293
Holly Nov 2015
Walking through the rain,
I try to forget the pain.
I try to ignore the sting in my eyes,
because I know, a strong girl never cries.
I begin to run, run from my fears.
But I am followed by my ever present tears.
I want to leave these familiar places,
leave behind all of these frequent faces.
But where will I go?
What will I do?
All I know is I have to get far away from you.
But something keeps me here,
crying one last tear.
Nov 2015 · 502
Holly Nov 2015
Walking through the cloud and rain,
A fake smile upon her face to hide away the pain.
A silent tear escapes her eye,
She wishes she could just lay down and die.

She runs to her room and locks the door,
She looks into the mirror and doesn't recognize the girl looking back anymore.
She grabs a razor and cuts in deep,
With the warm read liquid running down her arm, she falls into a deep, deep sleep.

Awaking in a white bed,
She thinks her dream has come true and that she is finally dead.
Until a nurse walks in to check upon her dressing,
Her dream is crushed, and this has caused her stressing.

Her doctors have put her on medication,
Form her family and herself, this will consist of dedication.
And for the rest of her life, she must live mentally and physically scarred,
Never wanting to leave her own backyard.
Oct 2015 · 370
Holly Oct 2015
Imagine yourself
Alone in your head
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread

Empty, alone
With the monsters within
Internally screaming
You just want to give in

Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower

You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom
But they say you're being silly
You've just got to move on

Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?

You think that there's none
Who know how you feel
You're just so alone
But the feelings- they're real


But mostly

And you're friends
They go on
Like nothing has changed

"They must not care"
Your thoughts whisper
The lies in your brain

You can't escape it
Trapped in your own skin
You're ugly
You're hated
But you mask it with a grin

You hate what you feel
So instead you feel nothing
Your insides are numb
Your confidence crumbling

You look to other things
To stop the pain
Cutting, pills
But it gives you no gain

And the people around you
Shout abuse your way
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say

No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside
They turn the other way
They run, they hide

They say you're just foolish
It's all in your head
What they don't know, is inside
You're already dead...
Oct 2015 · 324
What She Does..
Holly Oct 2015
And it only
Took a few
Of that mothers
Words to
Put her back
Into her dark
That mothers
Found her relief
In a blade..
Once again.
Oct 2015 · 453
Holly Oct 2015
I'm so sick of hearing
the same old lecture
why can't I grow up
and be mature
no one understands
even if they think they might
I'll just put a rope around my neck
and pull it tight
will that end all the pain and agony
that I go through every day
you say I haven't changed
but I have in my own way
I don't do it to impress
I act how I do
because for some reason it relieves the stress
you don't understand me
so please don't try
eventually ill be free
and you'll be satisfied
but until then be patient
because my rope is tied...
Oct 2015 · 556
Holly Oct 2015
The emptiness that I feel inside
Doesn't have words that I can describe
The loneliness I feel throughout
It was her fault without a doubt
She's still alive but to me she's dead
Of everything that we've ever said
I can't stand to live with her
All the time we fight
Because I don't forget anything
Nothing's alright
My Dad says she cares
He says that she's stable
When I was cutting myself
She only cared about the table
I don't know how I'll feel today or tomorrow
'Cause every other day is a day I feel sorrow
Some kids are lucky
Not having to deal with this bomb
Because this poems about you, so called--Mom.
Oct 2015 · 1.0k
Holly Oct 2015
And one night I feel asleep waking up to see
A girl like me in the paper's headline
"Another teen dies" because her life was full of lies,
Her heart was tied.
And her brain had died.
A life that depression and sadness bought.
Now she's in the sky up high.
Shes now happy, as you see
The sky is where she wanted to be...
Oct 2015 · 383
"The Emo"
Holly Oct 2015
From start to finish I wonder why
The cuts look good in this messed up lie
The blood that trickles down my arm
People all stare at the girl who self-harms:-

"The emo" they call me
I turn to my name
They act out slicing their wrists
I hang my head in shame
I can't help my feelings
Of being alone
I hide myself for the day
Just longing to go home
I sprawl on my bed
With my razor in hand
And take myself away
To a much better land
I stare in the mirror
And let myself cry
Looking forward to the day
That I finally die
Oct 2015 · 332
Wrist Cutter...
Holly Oct 2015
I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
you look at me, and think I'm insane,
my eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars then you will see,
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far to hard,
everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry,
I'll be fine, and happy you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.
Sep 2015 · 250
Holly Sep 2015
Did you ever love someone and know,
They didn't care?
Did you ever feel like crying knowing
It would get you no where?
Did you ever look into someones eyes
And say a lil prayer?
Did you ever look into someones heart
And wish you were there?
Did you ever watch someone walk away,
Not wanting them to go?
Did you whisper, "God i love you."
But never letting them know?
You cry at night in misery and almost
Go insane.
Hell, you don't even know one ounce
Of my pain..
All this **** you put me through,
This is something i don't want to do.
One little slit upon my wrist..
God even knows i wont be missed
Sep 2015 · 566
Holly Sep 2015
I really miss you...
Are you aware.
Of the closeness
We once had.
The laughter we shared.
Sensual nights of passion
Our love so strong
Us against the world
Where did you go.
Yes i can see you...
Sitting in your chair.
Nodding and smiling
Pretending to listen
Where are your thoughts
They are not with me..
Please come back.
Your breaking my heart.
Im lost without you.
All i have left
Are my tears.
Sep 2015 · 492
Holly Sep 2015
Dear past me
Who smiles so bright
Who has always spread her wings
And taken flight
Your eyes are shining blue like the sea
Looks like you are
As happy as can be

Dear present me
Why are you so sad
Has something gone wrong
Something gone bad
Looks like you have lost your way
And you may never
Live another day

Dear future me
I hope you are well
And I hope you are alive
I hope you smile so everyone can tell
That you've made it past
The good and the bad
And you've finally won this battle at last
Sep 2015 · 511
Holly Sep 2015
What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
when you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?

What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.
Sep 2015 · 1.2k
2 Friends....
Holly Sep 2015
my friends
aren't you supposed to comfort me?

my friends
aren't you supposed to stick with me?

my friends
aren't you supposed to back me up?

my friends
why do you tell lies about me to your friends and family

my friends
why do you spread rumors about me?

my friends
why do you ignore me?

my friends
why do you never call me back?

my friends
why do you ditch me for the next best thing?

aren't friends supposed to be buds?
to stick together?

to laugh at each others' jokes?

but no

my friends
all you do is mock me

my friends
the only thing you do is put me down

I had only two friends

my friends?

I have no friends
Sep 2015 · 341
Holly Sep 2015
So angry
The feeling of betrayal
Suffocating my senses
A thousand attempts
Is a thousand failures
Only expect everything less
A distant aspiration
A promising relaxation
Muffled screams
And stifled cries
Never wish hello
Always curse goodbyes
This feeling in my chest
Is no longer just a feeling
Born in the darkness
Nursed by the pain
Raised by the injustice
It courses through my veins
And pollutes every thought
And murders every dream
No mercy for the innocent
No care for the naive
Pure worship for the ignorant
Sacrifices of the soul
Piece by chunk, its chipped away
My hearts no longer whole
Don't try and tell me its okay
Cause you'll be lying to my face
All hopes and dreams
All laughs and smiles
Have all been washed away.
No love, no loss
No hope, no tears
Plain and simple, you see
No tries, no fails
No lies, no tales...
Still alive, but barely breathing
Sep 2015 · 360
Holly Sep 2015
I'm great, fine, spectacular. In a way
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.

Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task,
Is finally over, and so I lie Down,
and wait patiently for the day that I die.

I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
And I ache and burn from my very core.

Then, I'm not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.

Of course I'm not okay, I'm not fine,
No matter how much I seem to shine.
I don't even know why I feel this...
Why my existence is one long, endless abyss.

But it is, and will be, so I cling to life,
As one day I might slip, and end it with a knife.
But, I'm still here, no matter what my dreams might say
And I hope that one day I will actually be okay.
Jun 2015 · 324
Holly Jun 2015
Just because
My eyes don't tear,
Doesn't mean
My heart doesn't cry.

And just because
I come off strong,
Doesn't mean
Theres nothing wrong.
Jun 2015 · 453
True Friends?
Holly Jun 2015
One day they're your friend.
The next it'll all come to an end.

Once cried on your shoulder.
Then a back stab that couldn't be bolder.

When you think you found your soulmate.
Just make sure she doesn't have a expiration date.

Don't swallow your pride too much for them ,
Or else you'll be chockin..
Because if you do your gonna find yourself broken.
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