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Feb 14 · 506
Mackenzy Feb 14
Empty stares and glazed eyes,
dragging my feet walking to the tub.
Stripping down to my bare self,
helplessness washes over me.
I don't want to see what I've done to me,
the scars, fresh marks,
the guilt, shame, pain,
these wash over as I dip into
my memories.
Feb 8 · 112
It's getting bad again
Mackenzy Feb 8
Hollow feeling creeping into my chest,
wanting to cut out all the parts of me
I hate to see,
coming off of an amazing high
only to be ripped apart by my mind.
It's getting bad again but this time,
no more getting help.
I'm over living again.
Feb 4 · 184
Note to self
Mackenzy Feb 4
Breathe in
Breathe out
You're gonna be okay,
or not.
Note to self; when life gives you lemons you say **** it and throw it back
Dec 2020 · 344
Mackenzy Dec 2020
1800, 1200, 500,

When will I look myself in the mirror
and say, "you are beautiful"

When will I see me
and not cringe in disgust.

When will I feel good
in my own skin?

When will this end?
When does this end? I don't know.
Dec 2020 · 908
Mackenzy Dec 2020
I hate what I see,
looking at my reflection,
staring back at me

I hate what I saw,
the numbers on the scale,
it destroys my
mental state of being

Why do I hate me?
Nov 2020 · 613
Mackenzy Nov 2020
Graces everyone with her presence,
lights up the world with her smile,

Where does the light come from?
Where does the darkness hide?

Look into her eyes
you'll find where the truth lies.

A shattered heart,
a numb soul.

Darkness lies within,
breaking her apart

Like a candle,
light is what the world will get

While she slowly melts
into her shadow.
Nov 2020 · 211
Mackenzy Nov 2020
Living makes us
Existing makes us
Death is the end.
We live to die
so why even try?
Sep 2020 · 337
Mackenzy Sep 2020
Getting shoved into lockers
“We were just messing around”

Pushed off the playground
“I was just playing”

Crumpled paper waiting
In my backpack,
Everyone would be better with
You gone.
“It was just a joke”

Freak, Stupid,
“It’s just a name”

It’s just some kids being kids.

Just until someone cuts,
“You’re not going to be pretty anymore”

Just until someone ties
a rope around their neck,
“Why would you do that?”

Just until you're at their funeral,
No one knowing why they died.

It’s one big just when
Nobody cares until it’s too late.
Sep 2020 · 165
Mackenzy Sep 2020
Outside I’m a bright,
golden ray of happiness,
living a life sweeter than a sʻmore.
Cheerful family of four,
laughter roaring through the house,
life filled with dreams coming true.

Yet I can hardly bear to face another day.
My only desire is nothing,
complete silence.

I wouldn’t have to pretend to feel loved,
I wouldn’t have to pretend to be happy,
I wouldn’t have to pretend to have hope,
I wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.

I wouldn’t have to feel cold, wet
tears dripping down my face
in the middle of the night,
As I gasp for air,
In my sinking pit of despair.

Complete silence is what I ask.
Void of sound,
Drifting through the starlit skies,
Finally being able to go home
To Father.

Why do I stay?
Why do I live?
Why don’t I give up?
Why don’t I die?

Reasons to stay outweigh
Reasons to go,
But one day that’s not going
To be enough.

The stench of lies,
Of smoke,
Rushes to my head.
Silver becomes red.

Attempts to feel,
Something, anything.
Futile in the end.

Only way for happiness is
A bottle of complete silence
Which comes with
the price of one’s life.
Sep 2020 · 402
Fading Away
Mackenzy Sep 2020
Pockets of air
Further and further into
The deep cold sea.
Light darkens
Inhaling ocean salt,
Everything burns,
her insides are screaming,
Pleading to be let go,
Frantic antics,
Trying to stay,
Her gaze glosses over,
Tranquility is where she is.
The roaring ocean
Now silent.
Currents bringing her
Back to the briny air.
Her once olive face,
Now pale.
Frosted lips,
Lifeless eyes,
Limp features.
The pain is gone,
Overcome with peace
She gets to rest,
Floating along
The currents of the sea.
Sep 2020 · 322
Mackenzy Sep 2020
The canvas comes with roses,
beautiful, bright,
crimson roses,
shining in
An artist with a sharp brush,
a canvas pale as snow.
They drew
and drew
and drew.
Stroke after stroke
roses grew.
A once empty canvas
now full of
roses with white stems.
Tens turn into hundreds
as roses quickly grew.
Painting done,
the artist looks at their work,
Roses wilting
as fast as they came.
The artist cleaned up their canvas
to be ready for another day.
Sep 2020 · 187
One Rule
Mackenzy Sep 2020
Being content and happy is the rule
Break it once, become a fool
Break it twice, now you're on your way to school
With a bottle of dreams and a sonnet full of goodbyes,
I wish you well my friend,
Your goodbye was with a silent choice
and the beautiful lies you sang with your voice.
Goodbye my friend
It was my victory in the end,
I followed the rule, but became a fool,
So I took some dreams to school
With my sonnet of rainbows and smiles,
I finally got my wings.
Goodbye my friend,
This is the end.
Sep 2020 · 105
What Lies Beyond
Mackenzy Sep 2020
Trudging up the stairs,
I wait silently on the rooftop.
Soon enough they appear
With tears in their eyes,
Clutching a crumpled paper.
They look across the
Ashen skies,
Telling themselves,
“This world just isn’t for me”.
I want to give them a hug
But I can’t just yet.
Taking their final steps,
They disappear over the edge.
Greeting them at the bottom of their plunge,
They fall into my embrace.
Our outlines becoming transparent.
Turning towards me
They ask,
“Will I be alone again?”
I falter,
Five simple words;
Carved into my soul for the rest of eternity,
Speaking with absolute certainty,
I grasp their hand.
“Never again, will you feel obsolete.”

— The End —