Outside I’m a bright,
golden ray of happiness,
living a life sweeter than a sʻmore.
Cheerful family of four,
laughter roaring through the house,
life filled with dreams coming true.

Yet I can hardly bear to face another day.
My only desire is nothing,
complete silence.

I wouldn’t have to pretend to feel loved,
I wouldn’t have to pretend to be happy,
I wouldn’t have to pretend to have hope,
I wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.

I wouldn’t have to feel cold, wet
tears dripping down my face
in the middle of the night,
As I gasp for air,
In my sinking pit of despair.

Complete silence is what I ask.
Void of sound,
Drifting through the starlit skies,
Finally being able to go home
To Father.

Why do I stay?
Why do I live?
Why don’t I give up?
Why don’t I die?

Reasons to stay outweigh
Reasons to go,
But one day that’s not going
To be enough.

The stench of lies,
Of smoke,
Rushes to my head.
Silver becomes red.

Attempts to feel,
Something, anything.
Futile in the end.

Only way for happiness is
A bottle of complete silence
Which comes with
the price of one’s life.