As I sit, cold barrel to my chin,
I wish I would have never let the demons in.

I pull the trigger, I let them loose,
My own fingers, have tied my noose.

My head snaps backwards with the force of the blow,
I see the blood now, it's time to go.

Blood and brains paint the wall,
Softly, and slowly, I begin to fall
The Scarlett pools around my hands,
Put an end to my big plans.
But I don't mind. I'm at peace.
I mean, I have no mind, except a piece
But what is left of my brains, they'll surely do
Because all I have to think about, at the end, is you

If ever my darling leaves me,
it would always be too soon.
If she were to depart untimely,
I'd be vulnerable to the moon,
Naked in it's consuming mass,
I'd feel it's weight in the heavens.
just waiting for this night to pass,
in hopes my pain might lessen.

If ever my darling has had enough,
and she decides to haste away,
If her love is a lack thereof,
I will forever be in dismay.
If ever our paths divert,
somewhere along the way,
I hope one day to reassert
and walk once more one day.

If ever our puzzle erodes
and pieces will not fit,
we find ourselves on antipodes,
with a love that you acquit,
spare I the hurt of a love you lost
and just rip it fast and clean
save from me any accost
and run to the end, foreseen.

If ever my darling leaves me,
I guess she would be just,
to escape commitment and be free,
and to freedom again adjust,
I wish for her to tarry,
on her wayward saunter,
my burden, alone, is to much to carry
but a burden still to conquer.

I looked into the glass, saw reflections shift
I thought the time would pass, pain would be swift
But the pain is kinda dull, tearing at my flesh
And I watched  you change,
Morphing into something fresh.
You were my morphine drip, plugged into my arm
And then came the tear and rip
Caused me a huge alarm
I'll die without my drug, but you don't give a ****
The day that you pulled the plug, closed us with a slam,
Was the day you lost the love
That would turn your world around.
I hope you're happy now
I really truly do
So go ahead, take your bow
And make me fall back into you

Life will get better, and it will get worse.
Just keep the song going, and start a new verse.

Life kinda ***** sometimes,
This much is very true.
So just live for the fun times,
And smoke a joint or two.
Sometimes you won't have money,
Sometimes you won't have jobs,
But when you're high it's just so funny
Just stay away from cops
And keep your eyes on making money.
You'll make it through this
One way or another, I swear
And when you find your place of bliss
Look me up and I'll be there.

As we run, day after day
In our wonderful wheel,
Our emotions are just like clay.
We don't know how to feel.
We go in circles, forevermore,
We think we're moving forward,
But life to me is such a bore,
Always going wayward.

Always running
To the wall,
To a cunning,
Child's call.
We have the dreams
We have the mind
But easy it seems,
To get behind.

When all the world's turning,
We turn and hide.
And my world's burning,
Despite things I tried.
And all the world for me has died
The gates of hell are opened wide.
They beckon me
They have my lust
They show me glee,
They have my trust

They have not my soul,
And have not my life.
I'm still in control
I hold out the knife.

With a clatter,
It hits the floor
Nothing's the matter
Doesn't bother anymore
I ward of the pain
And climb in my shame
Up from the shallows
And out of the gallows.
To take by the hair
My grueling despair
And hold it up high
And let out a cry

"No more, no more,
Controlled by hate.
No more, no more!
By hells steel gate!"
I will rise from my ashes,
A life anew
But never in my life
Will I forget about you.

I guess everyone was right about me.
It’s obvious they all knew.
In days I find it hard to be happy,
And I don’t know what to do.
I look to the sky for answers
In response, just dull silence.
Every day my life of cancer,
Brings back days of old opulence.

I guess everyone was right about me.
And now I’m feeling blue.
I desire a simplistic existence to lead,
That life cannot renew.
In time, I’m sure it will be better
But never wholly great.
Owing the great debtor,
Makes life hereafter a mistake.

I guess everyone was right about me.
So now I’ll fade to black
A favor to the world for free,
As I hear the hammer clack
The primer hits the powder,
The powder hits the lead,
The lead flies out the chamber
And careens into my head.
The worlds at peace and I’m asleep
As I drift into the end of me.

To do better,
is all we try;
but the only way to be truly better:
is to die.

Paint me a human from ashes
Normal as can be
A heart here,
A mouth there,
But spare him his mind
Ignorance is simplicity.

Love of my days, lead with  hands of snow white,
Into the rays of gold sunlight.
Follow the brook, and forever we'll lazy,
In our tender nook, for the rest of our days.
Take my hand, and lead me away.
And on unfamiliar land, I'll never be astray.
Show me that mind of yours, show me how you think,
Let ears be open doors, let not your eyes blink.
Lock into my deep blues, and I to your grey,
Show me all the new hues, life offers each day.
Love of my days, lead with hands as cold as ice.
I wish to know not the days after you've left this life.
Love of my days, lead on and shine.
Let these glorious days, be more than mine.

It’s good to see you too
In all your glory,
The insults and put-downs
Flowing from your tongue.
Your poison is tolerable
Because my blood is toxic
So, the jokes on you,
It’s good to see you too.

The step lies before you,
Begin your ascent
Out of the hell
Out of torment

Look on the bright side
The sun steals your eyes
Turn a cold shoulder to the dark moon
And realize

You could not endure the night,
The wolf stole your clothes
A wolf in lambs clothing seems to fit
A monster no one knows

The cold slipped around you,
But you ran on and on,
Not letting your body feel the nip
The bite of the frost
Or pausing to see your bare body

The steel slides slowly
Carving out creases
The subject lays lowly
Snipped into pieces
Its last breath a ragged sputter
A death rattle to make most men shudder
It brings comfort to me, allows me to breath
Funny how, my breath causes its to leave
It filled me with joy,
Plunging the knife
The subject a toy
Killed out of sight
This is a story, you see
Of the day I killed agony

You can't rush inspiration,
Unless I'm inspired by you
To lose you I't be an ablation
So I'll never say "adieu".

And if you leave before your day
And depart from the world too young
I'll disperse your pieces in the bay
And in the name of love be hung.

Amongst these seething animosities,
There's one amongst these, my favorite anomalie.
I pine for just the thoughts of what I means to breath
But sadly, I have to live in this reality.

Don't stumble when you flee the dark.
Don't wipe your hands as you rip my heart.
Don't cry with my head in your hands.
The tears are more than I can stand

Tick, tick, an hour glass.
A moment, a lifetime, and hour pass.
Sunset to sunset, sunrise to sunrise;
A fleeting moment of wonderless surprise.
Tick, tick, the consistant clock
Tick, tick, it seems to mock.
The metronome of my never-ending sorrow,
The beat leading forward to a fruitless tomorrow.
Tick, tick, an hourglass
A moment, a lifetime, and hour pass.
The question for me: if it won't last...
Why follow the hands?
If our time is time only to borrow,
What's the point of one more tomorrow?

Will I see you again
Before winter sets in
Will benevolence, strong and pure
Remove the malice we endure

Will I see you again
Before the ocean in your eyes is gone
Before your bones erode and move on
Sailing on the river styx

Will I see you again?

Through eaves and eaves of solitude
I grieve because I miss you
My soul cries out for comfort
And finds nullity.

I won't see you again.

You shall see my vacant eyes
Glaring indifferently into yours
And even while yours cry
My eyes stand as open doors

I am vacant,
Empty of me

I won't see you again
Because dead eyes don't see.

Through trials and bad days I do persist
For hope of one day sealing this
My broken heart with love's first kiss
Eternal sunshine and forever bliss.
Forbidden love from a forbidden garden
Selfless sacrifice and ultimate martyrdom

I wake up in the dead of night, just to watch you sleep
I see you, lying there, and my worries then deplete

Now I wake up and you're not there, I stare at empty space.
Where you were is absent  now, nothing takes your place.

Say bye to me,
Goodbye to me
Goodbye to me
Before you leave

"Oh, me, never picked" cries the flower.
"When will I have my hour?"
The hand knows what the mouth can't say,
A flower saved for another day.
Water the roots
Tend to the shoots
But never tear from soil,
Or you will spoil
The beauty that once was

As I walk through life's green fields
Picking freely from the yields,
A thankless demeanor I carry about
And the life I lead will never amount
To the fruit stolen from the vine,
The fruit to nurture another mind.

I think to myself: if I was another,
Would I still be so fruitless?
If my fruit went to another brother,
Would he be as useless?

At the end of the day, when all is cold and dead,
Why must I be the one to wear the talons in my head?
At the end of my life, whose to say what is worthwhile?
Ten years after I'm gone, my whole existence will be futile.

I'm just a drop in a puddle,
sliding down a funnel,
Just a tick on a dog's ***,
**** blood till I bubble.
Just a piece of the puzzle,
That makes up this **** show
step back, click clack
and watch my head blow.

Blood and brains coat the walls
watch me be absolved
self mutilation, humiliation
all my thoughts dissolved.
no resolve, rather **** **** till I fall.
no calls, no *****,
none of you ***** seem to care at all.

I'm at the bottom of the body heap
can't breath, can't see, so I take a leap
crawling through the blood, bile, and things the dead discreet
my light is covered by the dark, but cant be stifled out,
no, cant be stifled out.

The rain falls unstoppably against my door.
Its soft pitter patter hitting my floor.
Its driving me crazy.
I can't take it anymore.
The intensity rises
Tearing my brain.
The constant distraction..
I'm no longer sane.
The constant note...
Always the same
Now the undeniable source of my fame.
Now I praise the day that it no longer came.
The haunting inside me, it must be....
Rain

We see not the brushstrokes that make up our earth
We glance at the beauty, but are blind to its worth.
We must learn to study, sit back and take in, the wonderful earth, we've been blessed to live in.

You ask me what drives me
And there's no more to say
But to leave this untimely
And embrace hairs of gray
To live through the days
Forget all the past
Dance in more plays
And find love that lasts
So when I'm old
Dead and decayed
The stories I've told
Will be ones to display

And I cried out, "swim" as I dragged her down into the darkest depths.
And I cried "run" as I crushed the heel that helped her steps.
I cried "fly" as I ripped the wings from her shoulders.
And I cried "burn" as I left her life in smolders.

Furrowed skin, sunken eyes,
Body thin, swollen thighs

A eulogy for youth
A stepping stone from death
Still seeking  truth
With only seconds left.

Youth being a brief morning,
A chapter in the book
Words of a warning,
Not a second look

The flower fades
Whilst the sun has set
And eyes ablaze,
Contain regret

More time, and more time, to live once more
More love, more love, to fight for

I wish I was brave, I wish I was true, to take what I crave and run away with you
,but my eyes will always see,
When I look at you,
The things I want to be,
The things I wish to do.
My eyes are blind to flaw, when upon you they gaze.
I'll remember what I saw
For the rest of my days
And as old eyes look at upon your wrinkled skin,
It'll be but a disguise for what lies within.
Forever will you mean the most,
Your mystery will uphold,
When thinking of your ghost
Long after you've beaten old

Oh, the heavens, celestial spheres,
What would you tell us, if we had ears?
Whispers of beauty, lost in the wind, flowing through rivers, rounding the bend. Ears are deaf and eyes are blind, to the wonder beauty that you've left behind.

Lost puppy I am.
To wander aimlessly,
To have no plan.
I cared famously,
Yearned for your hand.
Now a kicked dog I am
Tail tucked, I become
Horse bucked, I am one
******* and ******, just for fun.
Now I'm left
To die alone
Depressed, obsessed
Hoping someone will give this lost dog a bone.

Hello, be you my sunset? So I may kiss you until you rise once more?

If it be so; let me chase you onward into eternity.
Light my face in serenity;
Forever, and ever, I'll let you see
That dark nights are Brighter if you'll have me.

Yes, it is true, our time is ours only to borrow
All we can do is try and do better tomorrow.
Lo, also true, tomorrow never comes
So, forever, my hopeful hopelessness becomes.

You are the cherry of my cigarette;
Reaching for my fingers.
With each day, I can't give it up yet;
I'd rather let it linger.

You are the smoke, twisting in my vision.
I see you, I choke;
With uncompared precision.

You are my lungs;
My breath of fresh air.
When life's song feels likes its sung;
You're the on who's there.

You are the dark night;
That calls me to be surrounded.
A bird in mid flight;
By your elegance I'm astounded.

You are my end;
Pulling me to you.
So I just pretend
Cause its all I can do.

You are the night sky,
You are the stars!
I wanna try hard,
To be where you are.
You are my heartache
You are my destiny.
With every mistake
And every tragedy;
I want to come home
To just you and me!