Yes,

I got bars,
it's not about fancy cars or Lil Wayne rapping about Mars.
So far I am marred and scarred by false charm,
burned and charred that we are stuck in this dung tar.

It's about understanding we are stuck in the under standings so understand this,
can bring raze as I raise and rise to clear out these rinse and repeat Rhymes.

I don't care about the money or women.
Will your Rap make a difference.
Only a few got the conscious to talk about love.
The rest is a pile of **** I put to the side and shove.

It's time I write about War.
A gruesome act men adore.
One of the oldest acts man endures.
I say it's like music or emotion.
Natural to humans and complex like every foot soldier or turret in motion.
Different reasons, different causes, different ends and results,
who can really say who's at fault .
Too think you can find the high of ******* in the moment
or become addicted to killing.
There's something in the bloodshed we enjoy, no, we thrive!
To want more from the gore.
To want more, from the war stories to be more than lore.
That's something to think about from war.

I've always had complicated Thoughts
Side by side they fight and against one another they fought.
Fifth graders shouldn't be ready to die.
No one should hate them self.
Ready to torture and degrade their self.
I knew I needed help.
Yet.
No courage was there, my courage was theirs.
To do what they want and say how ever they wish.
Loneliness was bliss.
Yet
I wanted to fit.
I always wanted to belong and get along and sing a song about how joyful life was.
Well life wasn't well and I couldn't even get along with my family so I never belong.
Yet
I had love.
I had people that cared
I always had that "weird" friend that made us a pair.
I had fun moments and great teachers then I got to church to listen to good preachers.
Yet
Nothing change.
I was still that student who was suffering and no one ever knew because he could lie in the way he behave and show a slave to good faith when really he was a beaten bag on the inside.
Yet
There was no yet now,
not in this moment till later came,
till later was the new now,
till I could look back and smile.
Yet
I am proud.

Only I could hate God, and admire 'em too.
As they say the biggest haters were your biggest fans.

The world was filled with suffering.
How can I believe in a ruler that let it be?
How could I hate in something I don't believe?
There had to be something there for me.

I Abandoned God and religion looking towards nature and the natural.
Survival of the fittest, only those who chose to be fit survived.
That's how I wanted to be alive.
At the top, apex, better than best.

Only I can hate God and be like so much like 'em.
What kinda ruler let's suffering be.
That's a tyrant to me.
I choose to be a King.

Little boy was so smart.
Had the highest grade.
Best day,
was when he pretend to be sleep when he was made,
Valedictorian.
No one knew how upset he was, to stand out above.
To be better, best, and yet, who really cared.
He saw and knew the work was easy, only reason others fail,
was because they never tried.
Old soul he was told by many so far in age above him.
It was as if hubris hugged him.
Why put full effort when only half was good enough.
We were just slaves in a system testing who was just enough.
It never matter he knew, not at all.
He was just waiting to see his classmates fall.
They believe they were working to live life,
in reality they were working to be life.
To be another part of a bigger machine,
rather live life for there own esteem,
and I was smart, but I was the same.
Little boy Genius .

I always like working with my hands.
Since I was young building with legos.
Taking apart action figures and toys
that's where I found my joys.
Now I make robots,
take apart machinery.
My robots team has me on delivery.
I learn, I teach, I am alive.
This is my life and I live it.

First time with Depression
I was in eleventh grade,
had a college course class of Chemistry I would take,
and an English teacher we'd call Ms. H.
Ms. H was so tough, let's say she had hate,
I wasn't really sure but she was a teacher that was so great.
I let her down because I miss so many days.

Intelligent and funny with her sarcasm.
She had an *** that would last,
A husband and son,
She had a life.
So amazing with her mind and her body, to bad depression became my hobby.

I was passing all my classes but English cause I missed it first period.
My college Chem class was so easy and boring
I only started failing cause the teacher had me snoring.
I had nothing it felt like.
I had no reason to live,
work towards,
get.
I slowed downed, weighed in bed. I felt dead.
Days passed as I laid in my grave.
Mom couldn't help,
neither could school,
they thought I was off being a fool.
Classmates thought I was abandoning school,
even I thought I was a fool.

My Spanish teacher told me to talk to the school therapist because I had him the previous year and half lied to him about having nightmares.

I was working with a net-working marketing plan and I had failed. So deep down did my confidence sail into depression.

My heart crush my body beaten, what else could I do but talk to the therapist about how I was ******.

Some how...
it changed.

I fought the fear of failing, the fear of success.
I had a crush on my tough loving English teacher who I feared.
She told me one day "Get your **** together" and I didn't care!
I did it.
I passed.
She had tough love but she made me more of a man.
I learned from my Global History teacher,
It's not about not falling, it's about getting back up!
Every Thursday I talked to my therapist and become more Jolly .
I was no longer crushed by Depression.
I LET THEM DOWN BECAUSE I LET MY SELF DOWN!
I WILL NEVER BE LET DOWN!