I suppose you think
that your coldness comes from the
warmth of your heart?

2:31 PM
22/8/21

Dear diary;
I am my one
and only enemy.
Somehow,
I am content
and depressed
about it all
at once.

What do you do when
your head is obsessed but your
heart is detached?

7:27 AM
5/2/25

Dear diary;
I'm so tired.
I am so tired of wasting energy
on those who so not reciprocate.
I am so tired of proving a point
to those who do not listen.
I am so tired of forgiving the same person
over and over again.
I am so tired of putting on a happy face
when that is not the case.
I am so tired of staying silent
for my mental health.
I am so tired.

It’s funny that for
the most part, we forget that
we are so alone.

11:12 PM
25/2/20

I keep our love alive by
Finding you in every sunflower.
It is in them that our love blossoms-
every word, every smile, every touch
held in every petal and
every seed.

Love is a road
with potholes and pitstops,
crossroads and car trips-
a long and winding road
that runs forever in
our hearts.

I have reached
a crossroad once again.
Will you lead me down the road
I need to follow,
The one of dreams and delectations?
Or will you take me down the
road I would rather forget?
The one that leaves me
lost every time.

Dear diary;
there were no heroes to be found
in this story I call my life-
maybe I was the villain all along.
Will a hero give this plot a meaning?
Will a hero redeem this sinful soul?
Vain and vile,
I am the villain.
Pride and pain,
I am the villain.

If I would have known
I would have called you more often
and make sure you were never forgotten.
If I would have known
I would have laughed extra harder
and made sure to smile even wider
If I would have known
I would have thanked you for being you
and being there for all we've been through.
If I would have known
I would not have taken you for granted
they way you made life more enchanted.
If I would have known
I wish I had opened up more
after all that's what family is for.
If I would have known
I would have hugged you even tighter-
yours had a way of making life lighter.
if I would have known
I would have told you that I love you
and this grief I wish I could undo.

How I yearn for
your tender touch.
Your fingers are like the sun
the way they open up this body
like a sunflower awaking to sunlight.

I was walking in circles
trying to reach you
in your corner:
unattainable.
But fate intervened,
bridging our parallel worlds.
Just like that,
love bridged our paths.

You planted sunflowers
in this heart and so gloriously they grew,
under the sun they glow,
singing your name from
dawn until dusk.

You fill my life
with sunflowers the way
you light up the room
with nothing but your smile.

If you do not want
to be happy with me then
it is not true love

5:01 PM
3/3/20

I have long
forgotten the warmth
of the summer days-
inside my heart,
there is an
endless
winter.

Is it a blessing
or a curse
to find poetry in
anything and everything?
To seek out its beauty,
its faults,
and everything in between?
One might call it a gift,
but me,
I'm not so sure.

Another year,
another roller-coaster
around the sun
and all its highs and lows.
Some of us were left nauseous
while others chased the thrill,
daring to ride another year.

Is it really so
hard to believe that I do
deserve happiness?

11:20 PM
20/7/22

Like the sunset,
you slip away,
oh so beautiful,
but dark is this world
once you are gone.

Every step you take,
every soul you cross,
each one leading you down
a different path with the
potential to change
your life forever.

We can see the galaxies
beyond the Milky Way
the way we can see the pain
beyond our smiles.

I am still in awe of the colours
you have painted into my life and
the magic you weave into this world.
To be of the same blood is an honor
I will never take for granted and
to be the one of the same soul
is something I will always cherish.
Thank you for giving me the
hope and strength to keep going
in a world that would be so
cold and bleak without you.

I will tell myself
that I am over you,
and I believe it most of the time,
but then I wonder what would happen
if I saw you again.
Would I make the same mistake
and fall into your trap again?
Would I be able to ignore
your siren song if you
were to call my name?

Grandma lied about
girls being all over me
once I got older

3:25 PM
20/2/21

Sometimes
two souls find each other
through the crowds and chaos
and a magic blooms:
Two hearts
become one.

What is worse:
the ending or forgetting
how to begin again?
We have a choice not to
give into the destruction and despair
or rebuild from the ruins of
what came before.

I will plant you
fields of sunflowers
that spell out your name
if you promise to
keep them
in bloom.

You, a bee,
dashing from flower to flower,
leaving them in a field of smiles.
We wish you the sweetest pollen
and sunshine to guide you home.

Dear diary;
This lockdown has taken
my mind on a roller-coaster.
Up and down,
and everything in between.
I think I'm used to the vertigo
of this new way of life
and some days that's enough
of a victory.

This heartache screams your name,
a thrashing storm that leaves
this heart in ruin.
Your thunder has
sliced open this heart
but these memories are made of sunshine.

You said that
I do not know you
and you do not know me.
I said I did not believe you,
that this love said otherwise.
Your hands were so familiar in mine-
a puzzle piece to complete
that perfect picture.
How can you call me a stranger
when you used to call me yours?
I still look at you as though
you are all I have ever known,
just like the way you used
to look at me
so very long
ago.

All alone with the
voices in your head.
Now I'm face to face
with the living dead.

If our love
had a sound,
it would be the sweetest song.
Tell me you hear the music-
the beat of our hearts
and our harmonies
intertwined.

Another day of
wishing these words belonged to
a special someone

5:42 PM
30/8/21

You grew like a
sunflower in summer
and filled my soul with warmth.
You plucked the thorns from my heart
and planted gardens instead with
love blossoming from
every petal.

There are so many
people who have entered my life
and have left behind a piece of them
in my heart.
What an honor it has been,
to cross paths with all the beautiful people
who still reside in this heart
and these memories.
Thank you for for the memories,
the growth, the lessons and the joy
and I hope we can
cross paths again.

How can you say you're
empty when the universe
is inside of you?

6:15 PM
28/5/22

I think back
to when we first met and
compare it to where we are now...
what happened?

Dear diary;
tonight,
my memories
are my moon as I
sit beneath the stars
basking in the twilight
of you and I.

I want my poems
to fall like seeds in your mind
and sprout like flowers

6:11 PM
7/6/22

A moment together and
a thousand moments apart.
I am forever chasing
your shadow and the
night will soon be upon us.
What does distance know
of heartbreak?

Something tells me
that this withering sunflower
inside my chest will bloom again
once I find my way
back to you.

I sabotaged
my ability to love
with my inability to love.
It's as simple
as that.

The truth is I can't
be away from you for long-
I miss your smile

6:55 PM
19/12/21

If you get sick of me,
then I wish your days are
filled with happiness but
when the night comes,
I may not be there
to say goodnight.

Dear diary;
I moved house today
but I'm afraid my demons
followed me to the door.
Tonight,
the twilight seeps through the window,
the highway never sleeps and
the demons make their bed.
I am wide awake
again.

I am not
Paul McCartney-
I cannot let it be.

Our memories
bleeds through my pen
and onto the page.
Though I don't get to see
you smile anymore,
your beauty still shines
through my words.

Every dawn,
I plant a sunflower in your name,
so that when dusk comes,
and a million sunflowers fill the fields,
our love will blossom
for years to come.