In the end,
you either leave
because you are not loved
or you stay
because you love too much.

If I were given the choice
over a thousand sunflowers
or an endless field of lavender,
I would choose your smile
every time.

What does it matter
what I tell my heart? Because
of you I'm broken

10:58 PM
22/2/22

I sabotaged
my ability to love
with my inability to love.
It's as simple
as that.

People leave
and I detach-
it's an endless cycle
I can't seem
to break.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

Where is my peace
after burning your name
and all the memories it held?
Where is my peace
after drowning the love
that still remained?
After all that's said and done,
where is my peace of mind?
Where is my peace?

Are you really healed
or are you just not trying
to think about it?

7:14 AM
18/8/21

Nobody talks about
the side effects of trauma.
The ones that make you
way too forgiving,
way too empathetic
to the point of putting
another's needs above your own.
Or maybe you'll do anything
to please people in hopes
they do not repeat the
trauma you so desperately
try to avoid.

We are
just a memory
and memories
fade fast.

People are like candy-
consumed and
discarded
like an empty wrapper.

Dear diary;
I cannot handle my mind anymore.
The world is moving too fast
and the thoughts keep racing.
Society is foreign to me as they are cruel,
and I cannot handle them anymore.

Some nights are
filled with so much darkness,
so much emptiness.
Everyone is asleep now
and it's just me and the solitude
once again.
Is this what
loneliness feels like?

Like water,
love cycles through you and I,
and every corner of this world.
It's always flowing,
always adapting,
always transforming-
where would we be without it?

I do not want you
to chase after me-
all I want is for someone
to care about my return.

I do not
love you because
you are flawless,
I love you regardless
of your flaws.

We may not have been
each other's favorite chapter,
but I hope you can still smile when
you turn back the page to
where we began.

You are still present
in every soul I witness,
every smile that shines
and every heart that loves.

Have you come
to put me out of my misery
or are you going to keep pretending
to love me?

Is this the finish
line that I have been waiting
for all of my life?

4:13 PM
19/8/20

I wish I never
had to say goodbye
and I wish our goodnights
weren't stretched across the world.
I do not wish for many things
but I wish you to be the
first and last face I see
each and every day.

Dear diary;
my back aches
from carrying all of
these memories-
my soul aches from
bearing all these regrets
from a distant life
I'd rather forget.

There are some nights where
the words flow like wine at a
new year's eve party

2:34 AM
14/9/21

I'm still waiting
for the return of spring-
where life and love bloom
and the flower
that is you.

My fantasy is
only to be loved by you
in reality

10:17 PM
21/3/21

It does not
matter to me if this love
lasts one day or a lifetime,
you will last in my heart
forever.

Take care of yourself-
no matter how little my words
mean to you now or
how second of a thought
I am to you now,
if a thought at all.
I meant every word
that I said.

Do not be afraid
to raise the price
of what it costs
to access
you.

If your pillow had a voice,
what stories could it tell?
Would it tell the tale
of love and loneliness,
of laughter and lust,
of heartbreak and happiness,
or sadness and solitude?

You should aim to be
kind and loyal but not at
the cost of yourself.

4:18 PM
23/3/24

Our love is a sea
and baby, I am happy
to drown forever

9:59 PM
12/4/21

My life is a mess
but so are
you.

I lied when I said
I was okay without you-
far from it, my dear

6:03 PM
4/3/22

Love is a road
with potholes and pitstops,
crossroads and car trips-
a long and winding road
that runs forever in
our hearts.

What is worse:
the ending or forgetting
how to begin again?
We have a choice not to
give into the destruction and despair
or rebuild from the ruins of
what came before.

Depressed and
spiraling into
darkness.
I am calling out
for help but I
am in far too
deep now.

How lonely is the
writer who sinks into the page
as they pour their mind into their words
only for no other soul to
witness their art?

I hate the way
your face reminds me
of a simpler time-
a collection of distant yet
unforgotten memories.
To this day I am left asking myself:
how could such a sublime smile
evoke such pain?
How can such innocent eyes
conjure such betrayal?
Whenever I see your face,
I can't help but wonder
what could have been.

You will never
find the same love
twice.

I'll walk the streets
some nights
not knowing what I'm looking for.
Just longing and searching
until I find my peace.

Our memories
bleeds through my pen
and onto the page.
Though I don't get to see
you smile anymore,
your beauty still shines
through my words.

Knowing that you are
loved is what keeps this heart beating.
I hope you know just how cherished you are
and how many smiles you bring to so many people.
I think I speak for everyone when I say
what a difference you have made in so many lives
and that we will be forever grateful.

We are not the same person
as we were yesterday.
Today we believe in this,
and tomorrow we believe in that.
Yesterday is a distant dream and
today I'm only waking up.

Your love is
like a sunflower
the way it blooms upon me
like a field throughout spring.

She knows how
to sit me down and
shut me up.
She puts me in my place
like no other can and
I adore it.

Another room,
another company,
they all feel the same after a while.
I prefer solitude,
to keep to myself and
listen to these people
rather than speak.
But in truth, I feel even more alone
when I am with them rather
than my solitude.
These walls were built to
shield me from these people
and I intend to keep
the door closed.

My heart ran away
with all the love I could give-
it's out there, somewhere

7:27 PM
4/5/21

The only thing we
should depend on is ourselves.
Everyone else is just an illusion-
do not fall for it.
So live life your way-
there is no other way.

This poem
is a love letter
that's been sealed with hope
and sent with the wish
that all my little words
find their way
to you.

One more quadrennial,
one more election.
One more dawn,
one more day.
One day more and
we turn a page and enter
one more chapter of history.