if i can't make you snort with laughter on your sad days, do not stay with me. i do not deserve you
if i can't make you giggle like a little ******* your tired days, find someone else, i'm begging you.
if i can't even make you smile on the days that you kind of hate me, then i am not the one for you, i promise.

and if i don't have you feeling otherwise on days where you find that maybe you don't want to be alive,
leave me
leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you

you deserve someone who fills your life with color and makes you happier than you ever thought you could be
if i can't be that for you,
if i can't make you feel that kind of love,
leave me
please leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you
you deserve them

I'm a ******
I don't do drugs or drink
my only flaw is how much I think
I don't believe in God but I believe in me
And I don't know where I belong on my family tree

I don't propose that **** is based on a girl's clothes
I suppose I'm dumb or brilliant but who really knows
You could say that I'm narcissistic or have low self-esteem
with a girlfriend with a pocketless pocket and a head full of dreams

Whoa that didn't flow, that last line
Imperfect effort seems to be an attribute of mine
Look at this rhyme scheme, it's so diverse
I guess I can get away with this; I couldn't get any worse
One favorite, three favorite, fifty-four
Give me validation, I could always use some more
Hello, Hellopoetry! You've been so forgiving
of my beautiful poetry that reflects an ugly way of living
Tell me, tell me: Should I write more?
What if my sadness is gone, and my melancholy no more?
Will you still love me if I write about crinkle-cut fries?

"****. No more suicide poems, does this kid still try?"

Is there still a Josh Haines if he no longer cries?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he doesn't wanna die?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he starts to fall?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he gets it all?
Is there still a Josh Haines after every kiss?
Is there still a Josh Haines after he writes all of this?

Eh. Maybe, baby. Maybe.

My age is such a disrespect to how old my soul is
I've been 16 for 6 months now and I have learned so much
But really,
the lessons That can only be learned through experience;
Those started 3 years ago

In 3 years I learned just about enough to be set for the rest of my life

That makes me sad

I've always been different you know
Open minded
Non judgmental
Free spirited
Wild hearted
Rebellious
I thought about things in a different way
My intellect is and has always been one withholding infinite depth; at 13 years of age it was greater then my ability to differentiate from what was, what wasn't, and what could've been
I was definitely way to independent for my own good

I don't think that being a 13 year old made up of all those things was good for me

But I guess there's not much I can do about that considering the fact that all of that is left in the unfortunately non changeable and non reversible  thing called "the past"

I've felt way to much pain
I've been treated way to poorly
I've been used way to much
I've been taken for granted

Touched in unpleasant ways and wiped clean of confidence, trust, and security

There once was a time were I was able to feel
You know that type of feel you only obtain once in your life

And then I experienced my first heartbreak; it was as if I died for the first time

I remember the feeling as if it was still living in me

I found myself dried out of tears sitting on the floor staring at millions of tiny broken grey shards of glass .. I realized that I was staring at everything I was that had now been ripped from me; all of my many colors and my perfectly whole self was broken and grey lieing in the floor without life
it felt as if a knife was stabbing right through my chest and my loungs were filling with blood
slowly I was bleeding out
everything that I was; my innocence, the love I had yet to give was draining from my soul & hopelessness took over me for  I did not know how to make it stop

2years later
Many deaths later
Here I am
Empty

You might think:
"she's only 16 how could she be stuck in such a hopeless dark whole? How could her loungs be filled with such thick smoke composed of intoxicating and fatal desolation"

Truth is that's exactly how I torture myself every second of my dam life;
With that same question

How could I have let my past **** me and shape me into what it wanted me to be?

I should of fought for myself
People keep telling me to fight but I'm not really sure if there is anyone left to fight for.

16, Beautiful, Damaged