i've got cobwebs
i've got cobwebs dusted around my soul
of words i'd wished that you'd never told
and i'm tiptoeing around them
like i'm blind and can't see them
because that is the way i know how to love

when jesus saved the men that no one knew
he ignored the cobwebs in their hearts
and he tiptoed around them standing up straight
until they put the cross on his back and let him fall
he tripped on the cobwebs
but that was the way he was made to love

when you left and became a ghost
you'd draped your cremains inside of my soul
and they turned into dust and cobwebs
but i was told that forgetting you was how i should love

Words have always been inaccurate
Painting the sky black, when I really mean
"A dark abyss that swallows wishes and spits out chance"
"An empty canvas that makes your soul run cold"

And I have never before known this so truly as when
I found myself begging that

I am so, so sorry

For what, you ask?
But there are no words to tell you
How the grief cuts through my skin, deep to my bones
How the guilt, the resentment
Builds into my very skin

I am so, so sorry that I want to **** myself
And I can't find a way to change
I am sorry
The words don't mean enough

loneliness
used to taste like cough syrup,
coating my throat
in artifice.

now i'm just lovesick
dancing in a sea of lights
they kiss my skin like
tulips/two lips/i'd choose this/new bliss/
our mouths collide like planet & asteroid

blood's rushing through my veins
trying to tell me to sing hallelujah
because i'm finally
just
living

and although
the pain is there
it is fading out of touch

i don't know where to stop
but i'll always
start
with this

the universe shakes me awake with an ache in my chest
and for a moment i think it's just my ribs getting stuck again except
I'm not having trouble breathing
like i sometimes wish

i look in the mirror and know I'm not alone
it's four AM
and not a soul stirs
not even my own
i think that's why my chest hurts

mine's dead
i think
and now the spirit it leaves paints itself gold
stroke by stroke
"FALSEHOODS" i scream in the mirror
"falsehoods" the reflection whispers

and i weep
a broken fragment trying to make itself new and worthy
but what a lie
the lies we tell ourselves
and the lies they tell themselves.
nothing is worthy
but hush, just paint them gold