I can’t say how long I’ve been searching
Sometimes I thought I finally found myself
I had a vision of where I might be someday
But to be that person I have to stop looking

I need to know who I am before I go
Every time I relax something happens
The story is never over before it ends
I can’t assume I’m right even if I think so

We spent one night together
Only one night,
like lovers, watching
The heart that melts
And the river that’s made
But it was so long ago
So you tried to fall in love with someone else

I don’t think about being a butterfly
I don’t think about love like a child
So many things happen in the middle of a performance
The curtain came down early but I kept singing anyway

The way you said goodbye sounded like forever
But it’s not an echo that makes a memory
It’s the sound you thought you’d never hear again
Until I whispered the love you thought would never be

I’m not worried about why
I just want to know what
I’m not afraid of sinners
You have room to open up

Everybody has their own taste
I don’t think much about yours
That’s part of getting old
I’m autumn leaves making floors

Holy forgiveness
It’s more than I can do
That kind of acceptance
Is for people worse than you

You turned out a certain way
But I’m not the one who did it
Unless I really meant that much
I must have been your cigarette

Holy forgiveness
It was easier with you
The things you did to me
Are nothing compared to what I do

I thought about it enough
I know where I went wrong
Whatever I did to you
It's pulling us both along

Holy forgiveness
It’s hard to accept what’s true
I’ve never been the one
Who had the right to forgive you

Can you see it on my face?
That last smile you gave me
****
Dread
That’s what I felt
You are so ready to fall completely in love
Maybe you already have
And I’m so ready to turn out the light
Darkness is calling again
And it is all I can hear

     You see the moon
     And think of me
     But what you failed to notice
     Is how the moon is positioned
     Tomorrow there will be an eclipse

To think of life without considering anything or anyone
I need that
It’s not about “me” time
It’s about a “me” life
And you don’t know this about me yet
But what I thought I tamed
Is out of the cage
It’s running wild through your forest
The one where you go to smile and be in love
Now there is something bearing down on you
In slow motion
Because I can’t say the words
I don’t love you like that

I'm not afraid of love anymore
Just the loss of freedom
I'm not afraid of pain like before
My heart can live in any season

Winter pain
Spring rain
Summer game
Fall to blame

I don't sleep on rocks
Nor between satin sheets
But where the soul flocks
Is where love meets

Meadow greens
Mountain streams
Snowy Aspen scenes
Natures dreams

a moment is for a breath
still you gasp
a year is for improvement
still you are unsatisfied
a life is for salvation
still you worry

you must stop waiting
it is time
you must stop asking
you know
you must stop despairing
begin believing

you only hear their criticism
still you listen
you cannot feel how you grow
still you deny yourself
you can only see your flaws
still you look

you must begin to see the distance
you have traveled
you must begin to see the pain
you have overcome
you must begin to see the love
you receive from God

A dream with two sides
One of peace one of death
Carrying the bones of main street
Washed by the baptism of oppression
But somehow it doesn’t seem real
Because it didn’t happen to  you

A place with no mercy
Even shame awaits permission to speak
Where prayers vanish in disbelief
They are trying to take you there
To suspend your faith in mankind
Is to find one unwilling to agree with you

The work has come undone
The pages are no longer full of wonder
To speak of history is to pretend to agree
Once again those in the middle cannot hide
And to walk on which side of the bullet
Is the choice that now confronts you

I shouted into the tomb of refusals
It was as I feared
There wasn’t even an echo
Indifference had shuttered her memory
A response was not worthy of being heard
Yet a faint sound melted away the silence
For once the sad song was about me
A song I never cared for
Suddenly had meaning
Because it was about you
And me
But who played the notes you never heard?
Who wrote the words about a dream you never shared?
For once I wondered
About how a stranger
Could know me so well
I wonder if he knew you

Rising from love to love
Stepping on the rungs of pain
Looking deep into hope's eyes
Wondering if it will hurt again

You were the next one
Your beauty all I needed to see
Willing to take one more chance
I was ready to believe

True love has no past
There's nothing to compare it to
Memories of the past die
When you meet the one for you

What did I do with my time?
I can't even remember a name
Was I really that aimless?
They all just seemed the same

You are the one for me
It all finally seems real
I'm not looking for the door
I want to tell you how I feel

True love has no past
There's nothing to compare it to
Memories of the past die
When you meet the one for you

Don't be jealous of yesterday's love
Because that's not what it was
Don't be afraid it tempts me
Because there's no way it does
I could never go back
To something that was not true
There's nothing there for me
Because they were never like you

True love has no past
There's nothing to compare it to
Memories of the past die
When you meet the one for you

What's behind us is not a book
It's just notes scattered on the floor
Together we will begin our story
It's what we've been looking for

Yeah... it's what we've been looking for
It's what we've been living for
It's what we've been dying for
It's what we are meant for
For you
And for me
Because true love has no past
No past
No past
No past



Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved. Mark Lecuona

When we are together
We strip down to the bone
When we are apart
I never think I’m alone
It’s the way we live
Taking chances
With love
With loss
If it happens
If it doesn’t
We don’t seem to care
But we do

We have all the time we need
We will live forever
Young at heart
Hearing songs that never fade
That’s how we keep the sun from setting
Listening to a song that never ends
Still the highway seems empty tonight
While my bones ache inside

So many times I play with fate
I believe in it too much
Nobody knocks on the door
You have to buy a ticket
If you’re going to win a prize

Then you said why didn’t you call me
How can I know what’s right
I love you so much when you’re gone
But now you’re here
All we have are questions
I don’t know my love
We have the nerve to bruise our bones
But not to share our hearts

I lit five candles
That’s all I had
I like to be close to small fires
It makes me reminisce about places I’ve never been
And think about those who are gone now
Gone against their will

I can look at a picture and make it about me
The silence in their faces
It leaves room for my imagination
I know what happened ten years later
But those silent faces only cared about today
They seem so sure about the moment
Comfort in the past is because you know how it ends

People put on their best side when a camera is near
It’s as if that is all that will be remembered
And not their fears and suffering
Or their mistakes
That’s why sometimes it seems those were the good old days
A mustered smile overcoming all that has happened
A knowing pensive wrinkle free shadow of youth
You can find so much to envy

We know where to find happiness
It’s always with a crowd
Communal
Mentally holding hands with our own kind
But what is our own kind?
The color of our skin?
The food we like to eat?
The places we like to visit?
The music we like to hear?

We fight against it so much
Is it so wrong to like certain things
It seems as if it is
Certain sounds
Certain faces
But that is what being free is about
Comfort in a field
Or on a mountain
Who is with you doesn’t really matter
Because who is there is like you anyway
Whatever their name

We know where to find happiness
It’s always being alone
With candles burning
Five candles
They burn not to hurt you
Only to find peace
To stare into a simple flame
And yet not understand its source
Is that not life itself?

To describe what a picture only knows
in fields where our hearts once did gather
while daffodils shed its children all around
is to see what you feel while the wind blows

Beyond a blessing is a promise to keep
we are only so eager when we are afraid
artful hopeful prayers ask graces pardon
for the hurtful things that we always speak

In the chance that the silent moon gave us
was a common hurt that we once shared
we walked together feeling knowing crying
over things our scars no longer care to discuss

You said you wanted to be pretty again
as if I was somehow worthy of your life
yet if you had not become the light I see
then our past would have lived in vain

When we give up our finer things for grief
we realize being alone is not a just game
losing only means a ration of hardened hearts
that the lonely substitute quietly for belief

In the stolid minds of those who cannot
are the memories of someone who could
and in them lives a friend who knew you well
ready to show you all the things that you forgot

I always liked to touch the bottom
And just lay there
Silent
Calm
Detached
Here I could be me

The prism blurred the air above
And the silhouettes of life
Distant
Strange
Confusing
I was unable to clearly see

But soon it was time to leave
My solitary but temporal bliss
Resigned
Hurried
Bursting
A moment as only a moment can be

though i say
despair will not take hold of my heart
it is a lie instead that has found a home
and though i say
neither worry nor indifference shall reign
it is a sad moment that does not care
and a wasted one that does

though i say
i once knew a dead man
it was long before he passed this earth
and though i say
i prefer to remember that which is good
that is not the life that was lived
and i know this because it was me

though i say
there is not enough knowledge in me to matter
it was the amnesia of my Father that taught me best
and though i say
he could not find the day that once was
what he knew was his life was worth any ending
and so too a reflection that awaits the ripples of a stone

I don’t know if I wander about in your dreams
I just can’t decide if I’d rather be rumor or fact
I feel like a silent movie with a broken light
I need to know my audience so I know how to act

I had a pain like something serious in your chest
It felt like I should call a doctor but it’s not that bad
Most times I forget it ever happened
But this time it lingered and made be sad

It’s too bad we can’t tune our life up like a guitar
We get stretched and left in a corner somewhere
But in the right hands we can make magic again
It’d be easy if we could just find someone to care

I think I need to start by not thinking about happy
It’s a goal but at the same time it’s just too much
Why does life always have to be a project anyway?
The only way to get there is to lighten our touch

I wanted to write about loneliness
Until she said she was accepted at the trial and the new chemo showed great promise

I wanted to write about darkness
Until she said she was relieved that the side effects were only nausea and fatigue

I wanted to write about pain
Until she said they found out her broken rib was because she was coughing so much

I wanted to write about loss
Until she said she had found faith because she finally allowed herself to believe

It was a distant shore, alone as he was,
but connected by the sea,
like flat lands laying with man-made shadows;
the sand, for a moment
held footprints in memoriam of a child’s laughter
except what the land remembered
was a family apart

It was the love of a child’s emotion,
tragically killed by reason,
like signs meant to warn those who would favor nature,
as history suggests,
who once walked freely but are now ghosts,
haunting progress
with uncompromising songs of the heart

It was the will of perfection, it’s power,
meant to conquer laughter,
could not accept those who live vicariously,
in a land where the sun never sets;
but unable to bring order to the tragic clinging tides
he walked towards her
consumed by thought, but intrigued by art

It was a struggle for power,
though master and slave were interchangeable
each loving one another,
though he tired of the compromise
for once the moon appears
the grudging day must lie still once again
as long shadows wait for a new days start

No dream
And no fantasy
Come to me now
I want reality
I want your flaws
And your moods
That’s what we are
A race that broods

From you
I expect no less
From me
Why don’t you guess?

Yes
I am the same
As you
So are you game
To pay the price
Of who you are?
To risk rejection
To rip open an old scar?

Come to me
In the daylight
So I can see
What I will love at night
I do not want darkness
I need the sun
Because I walk in what I see
Let me be the one
Let me be the answer
Let me be real
As you are
And from fantasy we will steal*



Copyright 2012. All Rights Reserved. Mark Lecuona

I’m trying to strip everything away
Everything that has happened
Everything that has been said and done
Just to remember the day I stared at love
In the eyes of a stranger
Just to remember how it was that I wanted you
Naked
Piercing my back with your nails
As you have done so many times
And yet I allow the curse of my judgment
Stand in the way
Of your giant heart
And I am so wrong
Because I know why you have become my judgment
You never had a chance
Because I am all about one thing
Myself

I want to tell you what is happening in the culture

Our people are afraid
They do not know how they are going to die
But even more frightening is how they are going to live

What does it mean to live?

How do you live?

Are you aware of yourself?

We are very aware our own being
We have consciousness
But we can only see what is physical
We feel things
Anger
Joy
Pain
Jealousy
Fear

Let me see if I can explain it

I feel pain
So I exist
I cannot feel your pain
But I can imagine it
I fear for my children
therefore they are as real
as I perceive them to be
in the light of my anxiety
If I see you
is my conclusion clouded
by the mere fact of perception?
Would I know you better
had I never met you?
Would it be better
if I never knew you?
Because then
I could not describe you
and my silence
might be closer to the truth
leaving you as everyone else
but deviant
in terms of more or less
depending on your perceptions
of who you are
and how you should interact
If I experience you
do I know you?
Or do I only know you
as I affect you?
Can I tell another
about you?
Or will my perception
**** my objectivity?
Is it better not to experience
as a method of knowing?
Is it better
that I not verify who you are?
Instead only imagining
without the use of my senses?
Shall I close my eyes?
My ears?
My mind?
Can only a baby be objective?
Is pain the only objective feeling?
I knew pain at birth
But knew nothing else
What do I know now?
I know what makes me happy
I see what happens to others
I hope it doesn't happen to me
But I have little idea
in the point of all this
I know as much as I did the day I was born
Will you live in a better world
if you are not described
by me?
If I hear what you say
how can I know what you mean?
Are you being sincere?
Or calculated?
Are you understanding
what it is you say?
Am I understanding
what you say
when I cannot know
if you understand
what you say?
All I can know
is that you take up space
And that time has passed
But how can I know this?
I cannot occupy the same space
Though I heard your utterance
I am not waiting for it
It happened
And so time
has passed
as I know time to be
So there must be space
and time
Because I am affected
By time and space
And so I am
But are you?
Does A equal A?
It does if I don’t question
what I see
or what I hear
But if I speak
then you are lost
because I only perceive you
as an object
But do I know?

Do you see what I’m saying?
Maybe you can explain it to me
You came here and I’m the first person you encountered
If you leave after talking to me you may know everything you need to know
But I’m not the answer to any of your questions
I live here
For a while anyway
We believe lots of things about why we are here
We believe lots of things about what happens when we die
Do you die?
We do
And if we are good at anything it’s not thinking about dying
It is too overwhelming to think about
We are not good when things overwhelm us

People are born and they die
Born?
What does it mean to be born?
It means to come into existence
But you must come into existence from someone who already exists
And it is painful for them
And it will become more painful for them as it grows apart from its creator

People die as they expire
They die as they are killed
Dying is when your time is up
Being killed is when someone else takes your time
But we don’t know

Do you know fear?
We do
For ourselves
And our culture

What is our culture?

It can be many things
It can be the color of our skin
It can be the language we speak
It can be where we were born
But really it’s in the way we think
We start with our mother
Our Father
Our brother
Our sister

Then it becomes more
It becomes about where we belong

We hate being alone

We hate being alone

I can’t say that enough

Did you know we judge one another?

What does it mean to judge?

It means to decide who is worthy and who is not

How do we judge?

It doesn’t matter how we judge
We just do
We pick whatever it may be that makes us feel better
The color of their skin
The language that they speak
Where they were born
The way they think

But usually it is about our circumstances
We don’t like poor people
But it’s really because we want to believe they made themselves that way
It’s a superiority complex rooted in our desperation

It’s not good enough anymore to just eat and live in a hut
Yes, we want comfort
We don’t like to be too hot or too cold
We don’t like to feel hungry
We don’t like to be uncomfortable

Why is it so hard to be comfortable?

I don’t know
It just is
We have to work very hard to be comfortable
Not just for a day
But for our entire life

We love it when we don’t have to work so hard
But it’s not good enough not to work
We must go somewhere
A different place
A mountain
An ocean
A place with old buildings

Then there’s drugs

That is how we escape as we sit
Or stand

You see most people cannot change their minds
Not their opinions
Their minds
Not as they sit there
Something artificial must do it for them
Or they must wait a long time
But they have to want to change their minds
And they have to know how
But nobody teaches us very well
Some people act like they know how to teach us
But we have to do it ourselves

The strongest people we know are those who know they are going to die
Yew, we all know we’re going to die
But we are ok as long as we don’t know when
But when someone say’s when
Or soon
Then it’s on
That’s when you know you are alive
And it’s like being on a drug
Because your mind changes
And everyone is amazed by your strength
We can’t imagine knowing
We don’t want to know
The only way we can survive is to know we have a long life ahead of us

And yet we continue to struggle

Let me tell you what is happening in the culture

We cannot decide why we are here
We cannot decide how we got here
Did someone create us?
Or did we just happen?
Neither choice is easy to understand
Or accept
So we divide ourselves
But those who believe we were created have divided even further

It seems they want to be the chosen people

They want to be the ones who are the favorite of the creator

Why?

Because we are afraid

The most difficult thing it seems for a human is to believe in equality
This means you are the same as everyone else
But it matters that we are not
We want to be special
We write books about it
We sing songs about it
We pray about it

The only way to be equal is to believe the same thing
If you do not believe as does another then you are not equal
Or so it seems
You are different
Yet the creator remains silent

So we believe Shamans

Wise men from India

People who reject the ways of money

Or at least those who appear to reject money

And yet they need money too

But there is something new to consider
You
You have not been included in our consciousness
We wondered about you
But you are not a part of our beginning or how we end as a species
We think we are all there is

But that is no longer true

So what does it mean?

That is what is going on with the culture
The search for meaning
Is there more than to live
To love our children
To love another human being
Is there more to it than that?

Do you know?

You see we are not very interesting
Unless fear means something to you
Unless you enjoy watching people do things that make no sense
Unless you enjoy cruelty
Unless you enjoy greed
Unless you enjoy lies
Unless you enjoy conflict

Then we are a very interesting species

But we cannot tell you how to live

Because we don't know how

We don't know how to live or how to die

So we wait for an answer

Do you have one?

It may just be watching Joe Cocker screaming about getting help from his friends

Maybe you should talk to someone else

It was just the three of us… me, my girl and her friend
We played love songs that made us cry when they would end

Then her friend decided to go
“My husband and I never sing
So I can’t stay just to cry alone”
But my girl said at least you have a ring

I wondered why we were able to be so free
And yet I couldn’t bring myself to fall to one knee

It’s the knowing that I can leave
That eases my worried mind
It’s the knowing that she’ll wait
That makes me treat her so unkind

She looked at me with her heart bleeding rivers of when?
I told her it worked for us because I’m not like other men

But she did not like that answer
And her hurt tore me up inside
I couldn’t think about tomorrow
But she had to think about female pride

I hate the way the world works with all the rules
It seems everyone repeats the mistakes of fools

“My mother is ready for me to get married
My friends have their rings for all to see
You don’t understand what it’s like to be the last one
To have a man show everyone his love for me”

I was thinking she had her rights and was truly free
But maybe love bound her with the shame I could not see

So what should I do my love to ease your pain?
Am I with your mother or am I with you?
That is not what our love is all about
The moment we change our love will too

So is it time for you to move on and find someone to come home to?
Yesterday will make us cry because we will long for the days we once knew

The flower is in full bloom
With exotic allure
Covering its true self
What it is I’m not really sure
I’ve lost my mind
As I want to possess
It is a calling
That a man cannot suppress
But the memory
Of a bleeding heart
And stained hands
Reveals love is more than art
Mi querida are you a rose
Or a daffodil?
Must I live with thorns
Or is your soul tranquil?
I stare into the painting
And touch your wild colors
Can you hold yourself in the moment
Or will you collapse like all the others?
Why do you want me
To be your lover?
Why do you show me a mirror
And hide behind my fantasy’s cover?
You cannot be a rose
If you are not
And even so
How do you know what I want?
Should you even try
To bring me near?
When the petals fall
Will the thorns appear?
Only you know the truth
Of who you are
I can only love
Someone who can share a scar
Don’t be what I want
Be who you are
Love will die
In soil we cannot share
Let the petals fall
And we will gather them together
Because we know they will
They cannot stay forever

What if I thought things that would shock you?
What if I wanted to do things you never thought of?
Could I tell you?
What if you thought things that would shock me?
What if you wanted to do things I never thought of?
Could you tell me?
Will we ever know?
What if we spent our whole life thinking past each other?
What if a smile was really a frown?
What if a frown was really a smile?
Go ahead
Be yourself
I’m not afraid of you
Don’t be afraid of me
Don’t play a part
Play your life
If you are someone else
Then be someone else
I’m ready to be who I am
Can we be different?
Can we still be together?
Don’t say what if
Don’t say I wish
Just be what if
Just be I wish
I’m one inch from your face
Am I making you uncomfortable?
Then do something about it
I just want to know
Are you an actor?
If you want to dream
Then dream
If you want to cry
Then cry
If you want me
Then come get me

Like a rock
Watching the water fall
I can only lay
Like the sand
Watching the ocean surge
I can only erode
Like an island
Watching a hurricane approach
I can only survive
Like a building
Watching the earth move
I can only hope
Like a tree
Waiting for the gale
I can only bend
Like a bank
Watching the river overflow
I can only stand
Like a forest
Watching the fire
I can only burn
Like a deer
Watching a tiger run
I can only die
Like a slave
Watching the whip
I can only bleed
Like a problem
With only bad choices
I can only lose
Like a baby
Without a mother
I can only cry
Like a Father
Without his children
I can only wait

I have a garden in my head
Of emotions that need to be pruned
There’s a memory for everything
But I need to make more room

I got to tell you something
And it’s about my life
It’s changed like I never knew
But it’s something  I like

I don’t have the dread
And I know what to do
I get up every day
With what I’ve been through

A doctor told me some news
But I shrugged it out of view
I’m not supposed to worry
Maybe God will see me through

I wonder about him a lot
And what he thinks of me
Everybody has their opinion
About their own personal deity

I was walking in the mall
And a pretty girl tried to sell me
She said, “Take it, take it!”
But I told her, “Nothings free”

It wasn’t so much that I said no
But that I didn’t lose my train of thought
When a smile shines so bright
Sometimes you can easily be bought

How can I wander amongst the minstrels
And the ladies in waiting to capture my heart
When I no longer live in their world
And cannot play the expected part?

There’s something I got to tell you
I’m tired of being miscast
The person you thought you knew
Hs become a stranger to his past

If you want to talk
Then let me know
But don’t bring your desire
Because I let mine go

When I need a break
There’s a place I like to go
Sometimes it’s just the water
Sometimes the islands show

It reminds me of us
How we aren’t always there
I’m never sure where we stand
Or if we even care

Things change
Things I used to touch
What always was is now not so much
When I see a lake run dry
I realize what money can’t buy
Yeah things change
Things change

I wonder where life may lead
I have no money
I have no home
There's no place to plant a seed

Is it about being alone
On an island of sand?
Is it as simple
As needing to hold someone’s hand?

Things change
Things I used to touch
What always was is now not so much
When I see a lake run dry
I realize what money can’t buy
Yeah things change
Things change

Maybe this is all there is
It seems we still can laugh
We can take one night
And forget about the past

They say, "embrace change"
But sometimes it's not to be
We don’t care about tomorrow
Or is that just me?

Things change
Things I used to touch
What always was is now not so much
When I see a lake run dry
I realize what money can’t buy
Yeah things change
Things change

Here is my narrative and it is not about forgiving murders... it is related to the underlying problem.

Sometimes, you can't love your neighbor because it's a very high standard that has been asked of us. For some reason it is so much easier to hate them; to wish that they get what they deserve. But outside love and forgiveness there is another place; acceptance. And to accept someone is not only that they are who they are but that it may be that you will always have an uneasy or superficial relationship with them because your differences are so pronounced. But that is ok. It is ok if you do not hurt them in any way. It is ok if you help them if they need your help. It is ok if you treat them as you might a stranger when holding the door for them as they enter a building. With decency and civility. But escalating the tension is never the answer.

Forgiving someone who hurt you or your family can almost be as much a miracle as walking on water. It is holy forgiveness. And to love your enemy is even more of a miracle because not only are you walking on water, you are possibly raising the dead. And these laws of physics that we all accept to be true are as sure a fact as our belief that we cannot love our enemy or even forgive them. But should we give up on the idea? Is the only alternative to our inability to love our enemy is to **** them?

NO

NEVER

EVER

The only way to love someone is to prioritize the feeling. The only way to forgive them is to understand that forgiveness can mean withdrawing from the battlefield. To soften your opinion of them means that you have decided to understand their point of view. And to understand their point of view is to be honest with yourself. How would you feel? And to love them is to see their entire being and know that the stress in their life may be so much greater than your own, that they are only human and if not for the grace of God there you will go.

Forgiveness like a diet is a process and though things may not ever be as they were they will be better than they are now. If only you will begin. Identify what must be done. See the goal. Take small steps; I don't want to injure someone. More steps; I will withdraw from engagement. More steps; I will establish what is important and why. More steps; I will do what is humanly possible. More steps; I will accept what I must and regain my moral compass. More steps; I will live my life and though I will remember, I will try to smile again; I will not hurt them; I will not take my revenge.

Whatever the problem may be we must dedicate ourselves to the proposition that we owe a dying man the decency of investigating the manner of his death; and if it is his fault then we must accept that truth; and if it wasn't then we must act on that truth without regard to who is at fault. There is no person who is more important than the right to life given to our fellow man.


"Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today, oh oh oh"

Marvin Gaye

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.

Nelson Mandela

"People respond in accordance to how you relate to them. If you approach them on the basis of violence, that's how they'll react. But if you say, 'We want peace, we want stability,' we can then do a lot of things that will contribute towards the progress of our society."

Nelson Mandela

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend."

Martin Luther King Jr.

"Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

Martin Luther King Jr.

The older I get the more room I need;
if not where sand spins itself into a knot,
while the thunderclaps wait their turn
to pay the debt the drought left behind,
then where I am able to think in solitude,
without suggestion or dissent; instead
with my own life and past speaking freely,
making my mistakes and living with them

I don’t always have time to find an empty road;
to see both sides of the storm, the top and the
bottom, like a curtain in a sparse auditorium,
where the rock sculptures await another brush;
the curse of being the muse of an imperfect artist
with a perfect vision of us and all our secrets; I
don’t always have time but I will, the only question
is when, only when

It seems very few people want that; instead
they crowd like thorns on a cactus, but they do
not protect one another, only drawing blood;
it’s the way they live, as if life is not about
natural causes; there has to be a reason that
lives on the streets, walking among them; but
I can’t live like that; I want to die slowly, not
like a creek as it dries but instead like the wash
it leaves behind, remembered for the love it
held within its banks though he left no names
for you to call upon

I saw you once a thousand nights straight;
I remember each one like the moon I saw
through my windshield; it was staring at me,
telling me to trust in myself and not to worry
that I took my eye off the road for a moment;
the road that had an exit I almost missed if
not for the way you looked at me; I knew it
right away and the way you sat next to me
in my mind wide open; you became the space
within; the west flatlands, where I traveled
alone, but you let me go my way because
where I went was where you wanted to go
and I didn’t even have to think about it

I could ask you to spend your life with me
But why does that seem so shocking?
People do it right after they say hello

     They see hope in a person they don’t really know

And what about your love for me?
Will you give me everything I want?
Or will you make me wait for you?

     Like a man who truly loves you would do

You wonder if you really know me
And if I’ll stay after we make love
But just watch how I treat my family and friends

     That’s how I’ll treat you no matter how it ends

You wonder if you will get a call from me
Even though last night I screamed my promise
Would a man be so shallow as to take a flower

     And not return to the garden where he felt love's power?

You looked into my eyes to see what you could see
And my soul reflected your hopes back to you
You wondered if I could tell you anything more

     Maybe I'm the man you are looking for

I’ve said so much
and like every word,
gone as the memory of a baby,
the things I wish to be
are as distant as an old pinewood floor;
The one I walk on no more

You heard what I said,
but you said actions are what people remember
How did I make you feel?
It's not so easy to be memorable,
all I can hope is that the past was real enough;
most times smooth, sometimes rough

When the rain falls
I take the time to count my regrets
Blessings are for other people
I don’t know that I did anything right by them
I can’t seem to shake this feeling,
about what it is my worries are stealing

I don’t think you’re waiting anymore
I know I’m not
That’s the biggest lie I’ve told all day
It’s hard to believe I can live like this,
knowing through an open window, what I’ve seen,
was the rain that once washed our hearts clean

Do not be afraid of my honesty
Every concern you harbor is tied to my mast
I’ve decided to listen to a French woman sing
Though I do not understand, she shares my past

It’s not so hard to know
Listen to her voice, the softness
While music suggests how we should feel
Only a singer can live within our sadness

What exists in the unconscious is fully developed
I don’t need any more time behind the mask
I’m only obsessed with the knowing
Of who I am or who I should ask

I live outside my own mind
Leaping fences erected to keep me out
I need to know everything about you
For mystery is not intrigue but instead doubt

There is no time for tradition
Or the fears we both know
Though I possess seeds of passion
I cannot wait for something to grow

You must not think of what is to be built
Or why it is that I noticed you
You cannot be offended that your beauty
Preceded what may come to be true

It’s all very simple now my love
It’s an either or situation
Either our hearts are right for each other
Or they must find other accommodations

I live within my own reason
From you I expect nothing less
And until we able to reason together
I will own only one wine glass

I wish I would have told her
After they buried her it meant nothing
That’s what I wanted to say
To think of heaven
A glorious beginning
Without carrying pottery on your head
Or living under tin roofs
It was all buried now
The doubts
Your body
Your face
The color of your skin
The measures of small minded men
The one’s that somehow made you count too
But the time has arrived
No more moral dilemmas
No more fences to jump
No more lights flashing behind you
No more of the things you fear
Now it’s like watching a sunset
Or staring silently into my eyes
Not knowing what to say
But knowing how you feel
It’s what I wanted to say
That’s what I was thinking
Ten years from now
Or twenty
On a day called too late
Too late to ease her mind
It was hard for me to believe
I wanted her so badly
Yet she only knew sorrow
I could only see beauty
She could only see flaws
She was so unhappy
If I had only known
I would have talked to her
A stranger one day
A friend the next
I would have told her
A vision one day
My lover the next
Instead I suffered too
Because the woman who was so unsure
Didn’t know she didn’t have to wait for love
She didn’t have to die to find it
It was here all along
If she only knew

I don't want anyone reading this to develop an assumption about me but I admire the man you know? So I conducted an "interview" to see if I get it.....  Actually the person conducting the interview is not what I would necessarily ask or how I would behave. Instead it is an imaginary person who at times asks questions that reveal his own biases and brainwashed mind.

Jesus, why do I carry a hammer and a nail?
     It is easier to judge than to forgive
Jesus, why do I need you to speak for me?
     My father wants you to live
Jesus, why can I not turn the other cheek?
     You only know how to cause pain
Jesus, how should I live my life?
     Providing shelter to the poor is your aim
Jesus, should I become a rich man?
     Whose life do you wish to mimic?
Jesus, am I bound by the old law?
     The laws are the notes; listen to the music
Jesus, why did you have to die on the cross?
     To demonstrate the cruelty in the world
Jesus, why didn't you save yourself?
     So my father's glory would be unfurled
Jesus, why were you not covered in gold?
     Earthly riches separate mankind from one another
Jesus, why did you accept a sinner?
     Have you ever met anything other?
Jesus, why did you stop the stoning?
     To bring your sin into view
Jesus, why did you tell her to sin no more?
     She is no different than you
Jesus, should we punish others for their sins?
     Why does this concern you so?
Jesus, there are so many bad people
     Your own heart is all you really know
Jesus, shouldn't we fight evil?
     Who made them that way?
Jesus, God has blessed our country!
     There are no borders that keep God away
Jesus, we have to **** the enemy
     Blessed are the peacemakers
Jesus, they want to **** us!
     Are you the money changers?
Jesus, how can a country be moral?
     It all starts with you
Jesus, I'm just one person
     There are others waiting too
Jesus, I'm a good person
     Why do you scorn the poor?
Jesus, I work hard for my money
     But what's important, you ignore
Jesus, what's important?
     Loving thy neighbor
Jesus, I do love my neighbor!
     And yet there are so many you abhor
Jesus, I could never be like you
     All I ask is that you try
Jesus, I can't earn my way to heaven
     You must ask or you will die
Jesus, why must I ask?
     Because you have free will
Jesus, give me a sign
     I want to see if you are faithful
Jesus, why do I have to be faithful?
     Because you will not believe your own eyes
Jesus, I promise this time I will
     Mankind only believes the lies
Jesus, why does God love me?
     Do you love your own child?
Jesus, why doesn't he just accept me?
     He does even if you are reviled
Jesus, why does he want my love?
     He is made in your image
Jesus, what does that mean?
     Inside your emotions lives the message
Jesus, isn't life just about science?
     Can you measure love?
Jesus, I only believe what is proven
     Noah only needed a dove
Jesus, everyone thinks you are a myth
     What does your heart say?
Jesus, I am ashamed to bear your name
     Then why do you not turn away?
Jesus, if I believe will there still be pain?
     You were born in pain along with grace
Jesus, did I lose God's grace?
     Your pure heart God did not erase
Jesus, why do I feel so unworthy?
     Because you are finally humbled
Jesus, what is left of me?
     Out of stone love was chiseled
Jesus, I want to go to heaven!
     All who thirst for God will be welcome
Jesus, take me with you!
     *I will lead you to God's kingdom

Did you honor his death by saying what was given
to his mother is no longer your burden?
The reason he died was not your purpose; it was
not for you and of that you are certain
But was he not someone who set you free by dying
for the idea that you now assert?
He never knew your anger, only that he received
a bullet and his ideals are covered by dirt
You are free to sit while a nation tries to believe in
something, knowing that he did die
Is it because only a certain race can rule the world
or is the harbor torch the reason why?
Reading the entire alphabet forwards and backwards
does not reveal the truth of every tome
Crying every time my grown son leaves does not
mean that I do not have a life of my own
To believe what we know to be true about the past
need not seed tomorrow's foment
And to encourage revolt by those who foster hatred
is only the path of future torment
It is not the destruction of the union that will unite us;
only the bonds of love for what is written
The words of freedom contain no ambiguity but the fire
of hate makes only ash if we don’t listen
It is not the strong to whom we always owe our thanks;
it is the least of us for whom we wish to weep
You say you will no longer salute our symbol of hope,  
but do you pray for his soul to keep?
To those who would read the words and wave the flag is
not a gun pointed at the poor among us
Instead it would be they who would remind that a song
is the moment equality becomes our purpose

I could ask you to spend your life with me
But why does that seem so shocking?
People do it right after they say hello

They see hope in a person they don’t really know

And what about your love for me?
Will you give me everything I want?
Or will you make me wait for you?

Like a man who truly loves you would do

You wonder if you really know me
And if I’ll stay after we make love
But just watch how I treat my family and friends

That’s how I’ll treat you no matter how it ends

You wonder if you will get a call from me
Even though last night I screamed my promise
Would a man be so shallow as to take a flower

And not return to the garden where he felt love's power?

You looked into my eyes to see what you could see
And my soul reflected your hopes back to you
You wondered if I could tell you anything more

Am I the man you are looking for?



Copyright 2012. All Rights Reserve. Mark Lecuona

We are all wise
You are no different
But you are not confident
Do you think your experience is not real?
You can help someone

We all need a friend
You are no different
But you cannot be alone
Do you think a new person is who you are?
You should find yourself first

We are all sad
You are no different
But you won't tell anyone
Do you think they do not care?
Give them a chance to help you

We are all the same
You are no different
But you try to be like everyone else
How is it that you are the same but still different?
That is the riddle you must solve

I feel ironic
I want to be a free thinker
But I believe in order
Anarchy is the same as fascism
I feel fear
I want to be an activist
But I don't want to lose my job
Protest doesn't pay the bills
I feel agnostic
I don't know how to believe
But I pray everyday
God is something I can't question
I feel love
I want it so badly
But though I know how to be alone
I hope it forces itself on me

I decided it's better to live with what you hide from me
How can I ask you to be honest when I won't let you?
What you choose to love is not my right to question
And if it's not me it doesn't mean that I won't love you

You probably thought I'd hurt you over rejecting me
But that's not the man that I want to be
I don't mind crying alone
I don't mind if you know
That's the only way to know how I feel

I decided it's better to help you love the right way
I want you to remember me as a person
And not someone who loved but walked away
Because he couldn't make you worship me

You probably thought I'd never leave you alone
I have to be the kind of man who hears what you say
We have to know when to let go
We have to know when to let it show
That's the only way to make you feel safe inside

I decided it's better to be happy for you
If you love another man then that's the right thing to do
I won't force you to tell it too my eyes
The kind of person you are doesn't hurt someone like that

You probably thought I'd never accept it
I have to quit imagining what you do at night
I know that I loved someone too
I know that I once lied to you
It's time to be strong enough to let you go

It has been written,
That the Tao that is spoken
Is not the eternal Tao

And yet,
Their tongues dig deep
Into the field of my soul they plow

And so,

How can I find you God?
Your people block my way
The path to salvation
Seems so far away

Help them my God
They know not what they do
Your words they wield
But are they God or are you?

How can I know you God?
When they are so sure
Spoiling your simple message
It no longer seems pure

Help me my God
I cannot see you
Only their dilated eyes
Blocking my view

I am confused my God
You send them to me
Irrational and weak
Destroying all you can be

Where are you my God?
Tell them they are wrong
Only reading the notes
And not hearing the song

Am I lost oh God?
Because they say it so?
Wandering the wilderness
Which way should I go?

Believe in me God
My instincts so clear
Walking through the fire
I sense you are near

Send the message my God
Show them the way
Leave me alone
There command I cannot obey

You are my God
In you I trust
Take me as I am
Only you are just

Teach me God
To see your word
Give me your grace
However undeserved

I feel your image my God
In my emotional depth
Open my eyes to heaven
And show me it's breadth

Is it possible my God
To speak your word
Distorted by man's own image
Can it truly be heard?

When we meet, my God
I will bow in sorrow
For the failures of my mind
With hope for tomorrow

I know a gift when I see one
And that’s what you are to me
There's nothing that you want
Except eyes that only your scars can see

Neither one of us expect to love again
It’s as if we never knew how
We know one another
Yet our hearts only see strangers now

I can see you
But I can no longer speak
I once made you laugh
So why do I feel so weak?

It’s sad to think of never again
We build walls we never lower
We blame the future on our past
Our affection is a princess locked in a tower

I can see you
But I can no longer speak
I once made you laugh
So why do I feel so weak?

There is nothing you have to do
No promises
No midnight calls
Just let it be me when the time is right
Why does it seem like leaving you alone is best?
I’m not going to repeat all his lines
It just makes it seem like someone else's night

I can see you
But I can no longer speak
I once made you laugh
So why do I feel so weak?

lo que sea quiere
yo quiero
igualmente
usted y yo
lo mismo
antes
ahora
despues
todas las dias
por que mi amor
su vida esta mi vida

It’s more than I could see
I had to trust you were really there
I tried to find something for you
Something to help you find me too

You are hanging onto the wind
Spending time looking at a birds wing
Wondering how it could be so easy
When life for you never was

You lie in bed wondering when
The young girl that had her choices
Would at least be noticed again
I'm telling you I did

Getting older is like musical chairs
Running around for one last love
There’s no time to make them wait
But if I must then my life is for you

I can’t change your past
I can’t, I just can’t my love
But I can tell you it's not you

You lie in bed wondering when
The young girl who grew up
Will find her last true friend
I'm telling you I am

Is it to make more of the man
If he rides in the back of a jeep
Not drawing attention to himself
He thinks solely with the wind
And the sounds beneath his feet

He wondered as she walked by
Would a poor woman reject him
She didn’t smile at his gaze
She wanted more than that
He was judged by the street

He wanted to buy her a dress
Any color, with shoes to match
Would she want to wear it
Or would she only remember
She did not own a silk sheet

She smiled only to be polite
She gathered leaves for her drink
She knew how not to grind them
He told her they would be served
But the wheel that rolled was fleet

She wanted someone who knew
Only her name and a cross awaits
He couldn’t believe her calm
She did not care for attention
Their worlds could never meet

She offered to pray for him
She said empathy is not love
She had lived the real all her life
Still she admired the loud bird
Who sat humbly in an old jeep

Numb mind stupor
Time drift imagery
Bursting trouble
Side road scenery

Invisible aroma allure
Sizzle ice cream zoom
Torn booth corner
Nostalgia in the room

Tarnished board dead paint
Scribble wall pen point
Hieroglyphic alphabet soup
Kinda Hoople juke joint

Less McDonalds
More Dali Lama
Apocolyptic verse
Instant Karma

Rough boy hair everywhere
Prank secret revealed
Smiling lamenting
Concerns all too concealed

Vacant legend pavement
Empty room ambience
Goodbye noise disrupts
Mop broom dirt dance

Less Starbucks
More Ghandhi Jee
Truth dawning
Future prophecy

It was her impression that was most real
She was able to translate my love from life
She understood the tongue spoken in my soul
One thousand
Two thousand years ago
She was there
As was I
Like the stars
We always existed
But instead they watched us each day
And lit up our graves with their own memories
She remembered how we died together
And for each other
What else could it be?
For through the ages
In the many guises of life
We always found one another
Born in different lands
Life as children
Until the years passed
Wondering and walking alone
Cold nights in desert sands
Emotions deeper than the deepest ocean
Deep enough for mistaken lovers
Deep enough to save the last breath
Before we met again
It only took a few words
For our eyes recognized the past
And the future
There were no dreams
Only expectation
We both knew
No matter culture
No matter distance
No matter how many souls are born around us
No matter how many times our flesh must perish
We are as time passed
Remembered
And as time itself
Forever

A quiet girl standing behind the bar
With the questions in her hand
A soulful face with no expression
She knows more than we understand

Her mind adorned by color
She hangs the pictures on her body
Framed by soft skin
She doesn’t care if we see

It’s not how life is
It's what it can be
The girl who painted her body
Lives her life so free

Riding on her own green carpet
From the world where she lives
In a land of concrete and steel
Her life is about what she gives

For a moment she smiles
If only so slightly
She is listening to all of us
But controls her own destiny

It’s not how life is
It’s what it can be
The girl who colored her body
Living life so peacefully

I wonder if I could ever do it
And paint my body with my mind
I come from a destructive world
There are no answers for me to find
As I stand so close to her
I can see her inner beauty
I could never be like her
I already gave my soul away for free

Everyday when the sun settles down
She risks her life on the street
You would never know she was here
Except if you were lucky to meet

It’s not how life is
It’s what it can be
The girl with her life on her body
She is telling us to come and see

I want you to walk with me
I can't tell you where
But where we are today
Is tomorrow's memory to share

Life changed when we were born
We survived that first moment
Now we look for our home
But change never relieves it's torment

I saw eyes change green to blue
When skies changed blue to green
But storms should not make us afraid
Because love lives somewhere in between

I want you to walk with me
I don't know why except that it is true
But what my heart knows my darling
Is life may change but never my love for you