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María José May 2018
Thanks to you I feel like I'm living a longer spring than what I thought was posible and now I've grown used to sighs that taste like roses and lavander, rainbows in every pond, and ambrosy-like kisses.
I feel summer coming, but it's warmth doesn't trick me. The melting sun feels like the ****** to the symphony I didn't know how to write until we started making music.
And right behind summer comes autum as the last breath of life. Landscapes worthy of the best museums, all nothing more than a facade to hide the smell of death.
The circle closes with winter and everything that once bloomed in spring is nothing more than a memory covered in frost, in cold, in silence, in empy words, and painful goodbyes.
But right now, we are in spring and I foolishly hope that this relationship is located somewhere in the equator line where we can stay forever in spring.
I'm in a really good relationship now and one day I couldn't shush the voice that kept telling me it would crash and burn all too soon, so I decided to write my worries away and ended up with this.
María José Feb 2018
Descendía lentamente los escalones del bus mientras me preguntaba cómo me iba a sentir. Habían pasado tantos meses, pero bien podría haber sido ayer. El tiempo no cura este tipo de dolores, solo aprendes a vivir con ellos como con el ruido constante de los carros en la ciudad.

Los recuerdos se aferran a tantas cosas que no he podido evadirlas todas, a pesar de mis esfuerzos. Sin embargo, tenía que regresar a tu casa y las calles reprochaban mi olvido gritando tu memoria. Cada tienda, cada esquina, cada piedra guardaba un pedazo tuyo que iba recogiendo para armar un rompecabezas que rompía mi corazón, de nuevo.

Le agradezco a esas cuadras no intentar borrarte, como yo, por guardar tanto de tus últimos años de vida. Aun así no puedo evitar odiarlas por seguir inmutables a pesar de tu ausencia, ¿cómo es eso posible? Que las calles no sientan la ausencia del sol. Del hombre que fue Superman y todos los demás heroes. Parece imposible, no lo entiendo.

Son tantos los recuerdos que se entretejen entre ellos y se convierten en un desordenado tapiz de anécdotas. Ahora quiero guardarlos todos, todos los que pueda. Busco entre los cajones de mi memoria y los cojo con cuidado, son como flores que planeo dejar entre las páginas de libros para preservarlas, no importa si no siguen igual. Porque incluso si están muertas, todavía huelen a ti.
This poem is about going back to my father's house for the first time after he passed away. It's in Spanish because I felt it more real if I did it in both his and my
María José Sep 2017
It comes in waves, this crippling emotional pain.
Sometimes it fades, then, like the sea, it shows again.
I´ve grown used to it´s rough caress on my emotional stability
Testing it, taking me to the edge, with irrational cruelty.

And then it vanishes, what once was shore is no more
Just miles upon miles of damped sand, and a self unsure,
Torn between the illusion of recovery
And the calling of reality.

One day, without notice a mountain of water closes on me
A tsunami of everything bad, just when I thought I’d escape the sea
I had been fooling myself, I am an island, surrounded by water
All I can hope is for days that are dryer, better.
María José May 2017
Ah, extrañarte es un dolor sordo
no me doy cuenta hasta que alguien dice tu nombre
y entonces siento tu ausencia tomar de rehén a mi garganta,
entonces tengo la necesidad imperiosa de parpadear
para mantener a raya mi dolor visible.

No me doy cuenta de cuanto te extraño de día
pero todas las noches sueño con tu cara,
mi almohada no me deja olvidar tu voz
ni mis cobijas tus calor.

No me doy cuenta de cuanto te extraño
porque me he acostumbrado a este dolor
como a un sonido constante.
Lo noto sólo cuando le suben el volumen a los recuerdos.
This is a poem I decided to write in Spanish, as it it my native tongue. I just realized I seldom write in Spanish and I´ve noticed I feel more confident writing in English so this was both a challenge and a more personal outlet to some feelings I prefer not to share but needed to.
María José Apr 2017
My eyes closed, your arms around me.
My eyes closed, your rhythmic breathing warms my neck.
My eyes closed, the alarm goes off.
My eyes open, you´re not there, you never were.
María José Apr 2017
I wish I could yell at you
and tell you how it feels
share my painful truth:
that I care, even in my dreams.

I punish myself because I don't.
Instead I smile, instead I laugh,
instead I tell myself this is what I want.
It isn't true. Sadly, it's all I have.

But then a small, tiny sign of affection
and I, starving for it, thank you
I cherish it as if it were my salvation.
In a moment, it dies, and I stand there, a fool.
María José Apr 2017
My world is no longer colored red
I'm not pulled by a deafening rage.
No longer wishing to be an angel of death,
my dramatic self finally leaves the stage.

Slowly, I gain back control of my mind.
My breathing normalizes.
That part of me is gone, but what's left behind?
Everything has now turned to ashes.

"Will you forgive me?" I say, watery eyes,
face contrived by shame and remorse
you say you do, but your stare, cold like ice,
punishes me with fearful force
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